


What Lies Beyond || AOT Boys x Reader

by DeadRozes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Blood, Blood and Gore, Canon-Typical Violence, Death, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2018-08-09 03:03:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 72,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7784203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadRozes/pseuds/DeadRozes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When two, nearly dead teens, are found trying to scale Wall Rose, they are captured and taken into questioning. What nobody expected was that, (F/n) and Thomas, lived beyond Wall Maria in conditions that could be compared to a living Hell. Thrown into a whirlind of trying to adjust to her new life inside the walls, alongside the romantic affections of a certain short Corporal, a bushy browed Commander, and 6 other boys, and social barriers, you could say it's going to be difficult to start a new life inside the walls for (F/n).</p><p>How you manage this is beyond me, good luck...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first reader-insert story, so bare with me! This story is loosely based around the plot of the anime/manga, but it will be mentioned and such. The reader is NOT a titan shifter, she just happens to live outside the walls with a small group of people like herself. Also, the time setting is placed a while after the graduation of the 104th. 
> 
> Ive also made the reader shorter than Levi just so it's clear! I also imagine the reader to be 17/18 just to be safe! 
> 
> Thanks for reading this and enjoy!! ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

The cold that seemed mild at first now numbed your face and limbs with each passing second. What extra heat you had absorbed from the everlasting hearth in the center of your camp, had long since gone as you perched on a creaky tree branch high above the frosted ground.

 

You sighed, watching your warm breath turn to vapor and spiral into the air. Your (e/c) orbs lazily watched as the vibrant golds and oranges of the upcoming sunrise expelled the deep indigos and ebony blues of the previous night away.

 

From your high up point of view, you could see nearly everything. Even the slow moving forms of titans in the distance. If you squinted hard enough you could see the smudge of grey on the faraway horizon that were the large walls that encircled what you thought to be more humans like yourself. Why they chose to live inside and act like titan bait was beyond you. Maybe it was safer...  
No.

 

You shook your head to dispel your mind of the thought. You couldn't think like that. Raven would have your head if you even suggested leaving for the Walls. Not like you would anyways, preferring your limitless freedom and lack of rules instead of the idea of restricted living space. The closest thing you had to rules was the stoic woman named Raven who created a small society, if you could even call it that, of lone survivors much like yourself. The woman had set a mere three rules to keep everyone from ripping each others throats out and have a somewhat civil community. They were simple and expected to be followed to their fullest extent;

 

1\. Don't fall in love  
2\. Expect to die  
3\. Don't kill your comrades 

The first two were beyond easy to follow, but the third one, not so much. Already three of you were killed this month over dwindling supplies by a man named Anthony Tropianska. Why Raven hadn't killed this man puzzled everyone greatly.

Maybe it was because he was a direct pipeline to goods from inside the walls, or perhaps his people would notice him missing. He was in fact, an Insider himself, and that caused many problems within Raven's small group. You despised the man, if you were being honest. He murdered your friends because apparently Raven's little rules didn't apply to him since he belonged elsewhere.

 

Robyn, Fischer, and Thrush were now dead because of him. It wasn't like you were that close to the three boys, but it still hit a nerve when Anthony had claimed he was "just defending himself" and then got to walk free of punishment.

 

That wasn't the only reason why you hated him, oh no not all. The real reason why you held an unimaginable amount of hatred for him was because he had chosen you to "prove those military bastards wrong" and forced you to develop as a skilled killer. You had no idea why he had favored you over the eight other members of your small group and who and why he needed to prove a point to these "military bastards". You were the smallest one, standing at 5'1.  
It wasn't like you had a choice to become this type of person, but if you refused to follow any command from Anthony you were denied food for days on end with additional brutal beatings until you submitted to his will. 

 

This made you wary and nervous of any individual who approached you, not sure what their intentions were with you. To say that Anthony had scarred you was an understatement. You became suspicious of everyone, lashed out when touched, and the refusal to listen to any authority other than Anthony's, and much more came to be. Your small amount of trust that you did own was only placed in one lucky boy named Thomas, who was the equivalent of the world to you.

 

You sighed and broke off the endless train of your thoughts and blinked. You had no idea how long you've been sitting there, lost in your head in the quiet forest. Probably not long since the sun still cast a few pretty streaks of gold in the sky. You blew warm air on your fingers to warm them from the deep chill that had settled inside your bones. You shivered, your ears perking up at the sudden loud CRACK that echoed through the silent forest. 

"Shit!" The voice of a very unhappy male shouted, disrupting the peaceful silence. 

 

The ends of your lips twitched into an almost-smile and turned to face the other side of the woods. Thomas was gripping the side of his face in pain as his other hand held on to a flimsy branch. His legs dangled in the air after landing on a faulty branch as he jumped from tree to tree, the preferred way to travel inside the woodlands when you didn't have the luxury of using 3D Maneuvering Gear.

 

The boy's thin, uncovered eye met your own (e/c) ones and gave you a glare.

 

"A little help here would be nice, (F/n)." He growled at you, his legs swinging around to find a foothold on the brittle tree.

 

Amused, you stood from your perch, your joints cracking and popping at your abrupt motions, and went to help your friend.  
You had to climb down a few feet to be able to reach him from the flimsy tree he held onto for dear life, and held out your hand. 

 

He brought his hand away from his eye and gripped your extended limb and leaped across the small space dividing the two of you and pulled himself up next to you.

 

"Fuck," he swore again, his fingers lightly tapping underneath his eye. "Is it bleeding?"

 

You rolled your eyes and swatted away his hand and took a peek. There was a scratch beneath Thomas's eye but no blood, just an angry red line that extended from the far side of his eye and ended near his nose.

 

"No," you said, lightly touching the scratch. "Just a red mark." 

Thomas snorted and turned his head to gaze into the endless sea of green like you had been doing before he arrived.

 

"What are you doing here (F/n)?" He asked.

 

You shrugged. "I could ask you the same thing Thomas."

 

Thomas rolled his eyes and scratched under his chin, his fingers smudging a new line of dirt on his pale skin.

 

"I was looking for you, since you left camp pretty early this morning," he said, meeting your gaze again. "I wouldn't want you to get eaten by a bear or something."

 

You snorted, a crooked half grin pulling at Thomas's lips. Even if the two of you lived in what could be compared to hell itself, he still found ways to make you both smile.

 

"Death by bear," you snickered. "would not be the way I would die."

 

Thomas chuckled and pushed back his shaggy black hair. "Yeah, whatever."

 

He let out a puff of air and let his eyes wander to the grey smudge against the horizon. A spark of curiosity, one that could land you in some deep trouble, entered his black, bottomless irises and he leaned forward, as if he were about to sprout wings and fly off.

 

"Hey (F/n)?" Thomas hummed, his eyes never leaving the grey walls. "Do you ever think what it would be like to be an Insider?"  
Not surprised in the slightest by his question, the boy having an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, you shook your head, a lie leaving your lips as you spoke. 

"Nope."

"Not even a little?" Thomas asked, his head tilting to the side in disbelief.

 

You sighed and rolled your (e/c) orbs at the black haired boy.

"If Raven heard you, she'd feed you to the titans."

 

"Yeah, but she isn't here, is she?" Thomas grumbled, his eyes drifting down to a loose string on his worn cloak. It was quiet before he mumbled out another scentence. 

"I don't believe you (F/n)."

 

"What?" You said, your eyebrow raising in confusion at the boy.

 

"I don't believe that you haven't thought about leaving this place, (F/n)."

 

Your eyebrows scrunched up in puzzlement. "Wha-"

 

"It's not that hard to tell," Thomas interjected.

"You think no one's watching you after you've been with Anthony and Raven. The way you try not to cry after they hurt you and scream at you all day. I notice you wanting to run and never look back, (F/n)."

Shocked, you only stared at the boy, your eyes blank and taking on a colder look and a swelling pocket of anger forming inside you as Thomas mentioned your endless torture. 

 

"You're wrong," you muttered, a spark of determination to convince your friend that you weren't suffering.

 

"Am I really, (F/n)?" Thomas persisted, his tone harsh.

 

You glared at the boy, the look you gave him normally deterring people away from you, yet he glared back, unaffected. 

 

"Why (F/n)?" he hissed. "Why can't we leave?"

 

You bit your lip in anger, the ever-growing bubble of rage that grew inside you suddenly popping. 

 

"Because this is the best it's gonna get, Thomas! We're going to fucking die anyway, and I don't see the point of living in walls surrounded by titans!"

The boy next to you widened his eyes in surprise at your outburst, your normaly placid features cracking away as you yelled. You continued your rant, not caring if Thomas had something to say.

 

"It's not like we can escape our deaths by leaving, Thomas. People are still going to keep dying and the titans will still keep coming! Hell, how do you even know if living with Insiders could be better? P-plus, Anthony..."

 

The angry spark that erupted within you dwindled down to nothing as you saw the slight hurt in Thomas's eyes. 

 

"You're right," he whispered. "Sorry I said anything."

 

You both said nothing, choosing to drop the subject and sit in silence, your mind screaming at you for yelling at, what could be comsidered your only friend.

 

"Sorry I yelled." You whispered, keeping your gaze locked on your swinging shoes, the greenery below you quiet as ever.

 

"It's fine, (F/n)," Thomas said, placing a hand on your shoulder. "I understand."

 

You shrugged, obviously not thrilled at your sudden outburst, and let his hand slip off your shoulder. 

 

"We should head back before anyone notices."

 

Thomas nodded, the two of you slowly making your way back to camp with heavy hearts.


	2. Larksong

Rain fell from the sky the following day. The sky sporting angry looking grey clouds with black smears across them, foreshadowing a heavier storm. Now, the rain was a light drizzle that froze your body and encouraged you to stay inside the safety of the tents.

You shivered as a cold drop of water slipped down your back and chilled your body. You hadn't thought of bringing your trustworthy cloak, fearing that it would get caught while using the maneuvering gear Anthony had stolen.

The worn out straps, some of them already fraying under constant use, rubbed against your clothes and skin from the rain, causing irritation. You grit your teeth and hugged yourself, trying to save some extra heat as you trudged through the rain, away from the forest.

You saw the figure of the boy named Lark in the distance, his willowy figure easily recognizable in the grey morning.

His hood was pulled up over his head, beads of water slipping from the material as he lifted a piece of damp wood from the pile. Lark had always had an exceptional gift with hearing, but what skill he made up with his ears, he lacked in his eyesight. He squinted in the rain, his light brown eyes coming into thin slits as you stomped through the undergrowth.

  
"Is that you, Little Kestrel?" His delicate, musical sounding voice called out.

  
You rolled your eyes at the nickname and edged closer to him. 

"Yeah. It's me."

  
A crooked smile tugged at his lips, his eyes returning to their normal rounded size. Though he was nearly blind, his eyes still could pinpoint your shivering form. 

"I thought I heard those little footsteps of yours, Kestrel," he hummed, the sound mimicking the tinkling of bells. "What are you doing out here in this part of camp? I never see you here."

  
You snorted and crossed your arms, watching Lark continue lifting the wood and setting it beneath the makeshift tarp he had made to keep the wood dry. 

"Maybe I was exploring." You huffed, stepping even closer to Lark.

  
The tall, skinny boy let out a light breathy laugh and bent down to pick up another sodden piece of wood.

  
"I may not be able to see your face very well anymore Little Kestrel, but I can tell when you're lying."

  
Your grunted and dug your boot into the muddy ground, upset how easily Lark had seen through you. He began to hum, the tune a familiar song to your ears.  
His head swayed slightly to his own tune, his whiskey orbs focusing on his task, not bothered by the water soaking his clothes.

You had never heard anyone sing before you had met Lark, the notes and fluctuations of his voice left you awe the first time you heard him sing. No matter how many times he sang the same tune, it could never grow old for you.

  
You sighed and noticed you had been shivering the whole encounter with Lark. You swore softly and rubbed your hands together for some shred of heat.  
 

"Are you cold, Little Kestrel?" Lark hummed, pausing the melody.

He placed the wood down before pulling down his hood and unclasping the fabric of his faded out cloak. Lark's arm stretched out to you with the fabric in his slender hands and smiled, his large brown eyes sparkling.

  
At first you protested him giving you his only source of protection against the icy droplets, insisting he needed it more than you did. He just shook his head and took a stride forward and placed it upon your shoulders, the warmth of his own body still lingering. The comforting and familiar smell of tree sap and juniper filling your nostrils as you adjusted it.

You mumbled a thank you, in which Lark responded with a pat on your damp head. You squeaked at his gentle touch. The only other one who patted your head like that was Thomas. The very same boy who you had been avoiding today. You sighed and wiped off a stray bead of water that dribbled down the side of your cheek. 

  "Lark?" 

  "Yes, Little Kestrel?" Lark purred, unfazed by the deathly cold rain staining his dark grey undershirt and plastering his tawny brown hair to his skin.

  
  "You asked what I was doing here?"

The boy nodded slowly.  
 

"Yes..I believe I did."

  "Im avoiding Thomas."

His head tilted to the right and stared blankly at you. 

  "Whatever for, Little Kestrel?"  
You shrugged and gripped the material of his cloak a bit tighter. 

  "I yelled at him."

  "Ahh," Lark nodded. "No matter, you are friends after all, yes?"

  "I suppose.." You mumbled, the word to describe you and Thomas sounding alien to your ears.  
 

You exhaled a breath of air you had been holding and moved to return Lark's cloak, your frozen digits fumbling over the clasp. 

  "Keep it." He said, his crooked smile forming upon his chapped lips.

  
You raised an eyebrow at the boy and craned your neck to fully face him, the boy towered over you easily.

  
  "You'll get sick, Lark." You said, rolling your eyes.

  
  "Keep it," Lark insisted, his voice lowering in seriousness. "I don't need it anymore, (F/n)."

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise upon hearing your name fall from his lips, your actual name, not the name given to you here.

  
"O-okay then." You whispered, a strange feeling welling up inside you at Lark's words.

  
  "Hurry along, Little Kestrel." He then said, his usual tone sliding back into place and resuming his chore with the wood.

  
You shuddered and brushed past him, mumbling a goodbye and hugging his cloak tighter around your shoulders, a few twigs snagging on your pants as you walked.

  
  After the encounter with Lark you soon made your way back to home base, a light fog settling around the clearing. You spotted Finch, a small boy around your age, sharpening a thin blade. His matted blond hair stuck out in odd angles, suggesting he had just woken up. His bored downturned blue eyes rested on you, his hands coming to a rest.

  
  "Hey, Little Kestrel." He said, his voice low and ruff, complete opposite of Lark's melodious, airy way of speaking.

After you had weaved in and out of the multiple little tents littered across the clearing, Finch no longer in view, you hovered near your own. Thomas was sitting expectantly outside, the brown grass being ripped from their roots as he tore them from the ground in boredom, as he waited for you.

  
A swell of guilt burst inside you seeing the thin eyed boy patiently wait for you even after what happened the other day. The urge to turn around and avoid Thomas once again was strong, but you clenched your fists and stepped out behind the other flimsy tent near yours.

  
  "Hey." You greeted weakly, your (e/c) orbs settling on Thomas's slightly squared face.

The boy jumped in surprise and stood up quickly, his lips forming a tight line.

  
  "(F/n)," he breathed. "I was looking for you."

  
"Aren't you always?" You teased, pushing past your friend and entering your small living space.

  
He shuffled in after you and huffed, taking a seat on the laid out blankets that doubled as your bed. His worried black eyes landed on the faded, and entirely too big, cloak upon your shoulders and raised an eyebrow at you.  
 

"Really, (F/n)?" He snorted. "You decided to hide out with The Giant?"

  
You rolled your eyes and folded your arms across your chest, a whiff of Lark's scent reaching your nose.

  
  "Don't call him that."

  
  "Alright, fine. The Scarecrow."

  "No."

"Sentient Tree?"

  
"Thomas." You groaned, pinching the bridge of your nose in annoyance.

  
"What? Im just joking." He chuckled, a smirk tugging at his lips.

  
You glared at him harshly and sighed exasperatedly.

  
  "I didn't know you two still talked after what happened with Anthony." Thomas said casually, the smirk slipping away.

  
A new stab of guilt pierced your soul, the memory you tried so hard to keep buried inside your mind each time you saw the tawny haired boy, springing to life once again.

  
  The horrifying screams of Lark echoed inside your ears as you remembered why he was nearly blind. It was all your fault. It was your fault for letting Lark try and help you escape Anthony's endless torture for you when you were only six years old.

Of course Lark didn't blame you, but every time you gazed into his soft brown eyes, you were reminded how much pain the boy endured for you.

You.

A silly little girl who still hoped for the day she could see Thomas and herself live in a titanless world, safe.

  
  You shook your head and expelled the thoughts from your head, returning your gaze to your dark eyed friend.  
 

"Yeah. We do." You answered, a tinge of sadness lacing your words.

  
Thomas shrugged and stood, the black haired boy standing at least five inches taller than you. Nowhere near as tall as Lark, but still tall compared to you.

  
  Thomas opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a loud BOOM and a scream following a second afterwards.

  
You both gave each other a surprised glance before sprinting out of your tent, the two of you heading separate ways into the small maze of tents.

  
  The deformed figure of a grinning titan hovered over where you last saw Finch. The thick digits of the titan easily picking up the blond boy and holding him in its grasp. Finch let out terrified screams as he was lowered to the open jaws of the titan. Horrified, you stumbled and tripped over yourself, watching as Finch was devoured in a mere matter of seconds.

The titan stood to its full height, its greasy black hair brushing in front of its dead, uncaring eyes while blood dripped from its mouth. You had seen this before, but you couldn't find the courage to move as the titan spotted your frozen form on the ground. Panic flooded into your veins and you shot up from the ground, a thought forming in your mind.

  
  _The maneuvering gear! Shit! I left it in Wren's tent! Shit. Shit. Shit._

  
The titan made a grab for you, which you just barely dodged and rolled onto your shoulder and continued sprinting to your only salvation.

  
  _Where the fuck are Raven and Anthony?! They're the Insiders here, they should be helping us!_

  
Suddenly a hand grasped the back of your collar and then you were pulled back into a tent.

Where you had just been standing was crushed by a giant foot.

  
  A hand that smelt like wood, covered your scream of surprise and pulled you away from the titan's eyes, the scream of Wren catching its attention instead.  
Your heart beat wildly inside your ribs, certain that it would burst from your body.

  
"Not so quick on your feet are we, Little Kestrel?" Lark whispered into your ear. You let out a sigh of relief as he removed his hands, the lanky boy's eyes even larger with fear.

  
He pushed something into your shaking hands and held your shoulders firmly, his form bending down to your eye level.

  
"Little Kestrel, you listen very closely, alright?" He whispered, the hint of fear present in his bell-like voice.

  
You nodded, lost for words.

  
"Find Thomas and run. Don't look back. Just head for the Walls, okay?"

  
You mouth gaped like a fish at Lark. His normally soft eyes hardened into something fierce and shook you.

  
"You here me, (F/n)?" He growled, snapping you from your shock.

  
You nodded and gripped the item that Lark had given you moments before, so tightly your knuckles turned white.

  
He nodded and flung himself over to a familiar contraption. With the speed of a skilled soldier, he buckled on your gear and placed his hands on your shoulders once more.

  
"I _will_ see you again, Little Kestrel." He whispered, gripping you tight. "Stay safe."

  
You swore you could see the wet sheen of tears in his large eyes that matched the color of the wood he carried earlier. The ring of gold that encircled his pupil reminded you of the sunrises you had watched nearly everyday. You'd never thought you'd say goodbye to Lark.

Tears stung at your eyes as the tawny haired boy placed his chapped lips against the crown of your head and mumbled words that you couldn't understand then. He was gone the second later, his tinkling vocals shouting in haste to lead the monster away from you.

  
Wiping away a salty tear you sniffed, this was no time to cry.

Putting on your game face on and forcing away your emotions, you sprinted from your cover, the weight on your hips dragging you down slightly.

  
Your (e/c) hues spotted the hunched over form of Thomas, a spike of terror filled you when he wasn't moving.

  
Screaming out his name you grabbed his collar. He wasn't dead, but shell-shocked, as he held the bloody and broken form of Wren in his arms. Screaming his name again you wrenched your eyes away from the girl and dragged him away, the pain registering as you slammed him against the ground and woke him from his paralysis.

  
"(F-f/n)?"

  
"We have to go!" You shouted, your voice shaky and taut.

  
You snatched his hand and held on with an iron grip and stumbled away from Wren's mangled corpse.

  
The booming footsteps of the titan that changed your life so quickly was set on Lark. The tawny haired boy shouting and waving his arms as he ran away from his former home with a titan in pursuit.

  
You knew if you looked any longer you would desert Thomas and try to save Lark, but you knew that would end up in all of your deaths and Lark's efforts to save you both would be in vain.

  
Bitting your lip until you could taste blood, you ran. You ran past the second titan that was en route to your former home, sprinting through its legs and increasing your speed. You heart pounded in your ears, your small legs already burning with the excess weight of half dragging Thomas and the 3DMG.

  
Everything was a blur, questions and adrenaline pumping through you.

  
_Why weren't Raven and Anthony there? Why did Lark have my gear? Did he know that the titans were coming?! Did he plan this so we could escape?!_

  
Your lungs screamed for more air as you ran away from everything you knew. The forest, your tent, your friends...Anthony...  
You grit your teeth and nearly fell, but regained your balance and continued running. You hoped Anthony got eaten or crushed. He deserved it.

  
You didn't know how long you were running for or where you were going, the only cue was the constant fumbling of the boy behind you and the rocky terrain beneath your boots. A cry of pain left Thomas, his weight bringing you down with him. A yelp of surprise left your lungs, the last thing your panicked (e/c) orbs saw were the sharp, grey rocks before darkness and silence took over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Im very vaugue and haven't mentioned, like, anything about Anthony or Raven, but they are going to come in to play later! Same with Lark, he's part of your past, which will be revealed in later chapters!! Thank you so much for reading!


	3. The Crack in the Wall

You felt so dizzy as you slid back into reality. The pain coming moments after waking. You heard throbbed like a titan had smashed your skull in and then left you for dead. You groaned and slowly opened your blurry (e/c) eyes. It was dark and at first you panicked, thinking you had lost your eyesight. Your fingers flew up to them, relief washing through you as you saw the shadowy outline of your hands.

Your head tilted up to the sky and blinked as you saw the little bright lights of stars above you. Confused as to why you were sleeping outside, you swiveled your head about in the darkness, the dark lump of your friend still splayed out against the rocks. Then the memories flooded back.

Finch was eaten, Wren was crushed, Lark...Lark was as good as dead now, and Anthony and Raven were nowhere to be found.

A hollow sensation filled the cavity of your chest and you bit your lip trying to keep your tears from falling. Your watery eyes settled on Thomas who was still passed out, but alive.

His light breathing gave you some comfort in the darkness, oddly happy you weren't alone. You pushed back a stray strand of (h/c) and hissed in pain when your fingertips brushed against a stinging cut. You squinted hard at your hand, unsure if there was blood. Probably, considering you had dove headfirst into the grey rocks.

  
You grimaced and shifted your body, your foot catching on something as you tried moving. Annoyed, you yanked it with force and you yelped as the object flew towards you. It landed against your shoulder with a small _thunk_. Your eyebrows knitted together as you examined the object, not recognizing the tan leather bag.                                                

  
Puzzled, you gripped it and let out a soft 'oh' as your mind recalled that this was the thing Lark had given you before you ran. A fresh wave of sadness washed over you when you thought of opening the bag. _Lark's_ bag. You gnawed on your bottom lip and refused to open it, deciding to slip it inside your cloak pocket.

  
You froze, smelling the juniper and tree sap scent. You still wore his cloak. This time you felt the tears fall, too tired to stop your emotions from showing. A sob wracked through you as you clutched his cloak tightly. You could feel the salty water drip down your chin and land on your clothing, grief's cold fingers tearing a hole in your hear as your retained emotions flooded through you. You cried for Lark, you cried for Finch and Wren, and you cried for your sealed fate. You and Thomas were going to die out here, you couldn't make it to the walls. They were so far away and even if you could, the titans would get you first.

  
"(F/n)"

  
At first you didn't hear his shaky voice, too occupied with sobbing your lungs out.

"Oh, (F/n)." Thomas whispered, his arms wrapping around your shaking body and pulling you into his chest.

  
You didn't know how long you sat there, only ceasing your tears when there were no more left to shed.

  
You took deep shaky breaths and took notice of how tightly Thomas held you, his right hand brushing the side of your head soothingly while the other hugged you tight.

"T-Thomas," you said, your voice cracking and hoarse. "We're alone."

  
Glancing up to his face, you felt a drop of water splash on your forehead. The boy was crying as well, his eyes squeezed shut while his bottom lip trembled.

  
"I-I d-don't want do d-die." Thomas cried, burying his head in your hair as more tears flooded his puffy red eyes.

  
"We won't," you breathed.

You promised yourself you would see the day Thomas would survive, even if it meant sacrificing yourself in the process. He deserved to live.

  
"I promise."

  
*************************************  
It's been three days. Three days from making a vow to keep Thomas safe. Two days from running out of gas for your gear that you struggled to use with an extra passenger, and one whole fucking day running for hours straight, afraid if you stopped a titan would eat you whole and your promise broken.

"(F/n)," Thomas wheezed behind you. "We need to stop."

  
You shrugged off his words and didn't stop.

"Kestrel!"

  
No answer from you.

"(F/N), STOP!"

You groaned and slowed, Thomas nearly collapsing from exertion. His chest was heaving as he sucked in precious air, his form shaking and bent over. Your own legs ached in pain, but you couldn't give a damn. Your goal was so close, the walls were more than an hours run away, but you would make it.

"(F/n)," panted, still trying to regain his breath. "Please, we need to rest."

  
"Fine." You growled, the thought of stopping when your were so close to your destination annoyed you.

Yet, for Thomas's sake you let him happily sit down. Your eyes scanned your surroundings, the only titan in sight was a few miles behind you.

You sighed and took a seat next to your friend, his body splayed out in the soft grass, a few beads of sweat carving tracks in the dirt that caked his face. His arms were bent over his head, covering the hot sun that beat down on your heads. You scratched the side of your chin, your fingertips coming away with more dirt.

You frowned at how disgusting you probably looked. You certainly felt disgusting, and the chafing of the straps you wore definitely did not help at all.

  
Once Thomas regained his breath, you stood and offered your hand, your back and legs flaring up in pain as you moved. You grunted at the painful throbbing and hoisted Thomas from the ground.

  
"This sucks." Thomas grumbled, wiping his hands on his dirty brown trousers.

  
You shrugged in agreement and turned on your heel, eager to continue your tiring march to the walls.

  
"(F/n), wait!" Thomas called, snatching your arm and turning you to face him.

  
You shook your arm loose from his hand and folded your limbs across your chest.

  
"What."

  
"How are we going to get _up_ the walls?"

You hadn't thought about little details like this in your haste to survive, so you stayed silent. Thomas's eyebrow raised at your set scowl and sighed.

  
"You don't have a plan do you?"

  
"Yes I do!" You snapped.

  
"Enlighten me then."

  
You groaned and threw your hands up into the air in frustration.  
"I don't know, okay?! I didn't plan this far ahead."

  
Thomas pinched the bridge of his nose and swore under his breath.

  
"I'll figure it out when we get there, alright?" You grumbled, stalking away from the boy and towards the grey walls.

  
*************************************  
"Fuck." You hissed, grabbing Thomas behind a small tree that barely hid the both of you. At this point in time, you wished you hadn't left the 3D maneuvering gear behind once it ran out of fuel. Of course it wouldn't be much of use since you wasted all of the gas, but that was the only way you could imagine getting over the walls.

  
Unfortunately, that was the least of your problems. Currently there were at least fifteen titans, all ranging from 15 meters to 5 meters, stomping about. Their sickly smiles grinning at who-knows-what as they surrounded the grey walls.

  
"Now's the time to come up with something brilliant here, (F/n)." Thomas grumbled in your ear.

  
"Shut up. Im working on it." You growled back.

  
Your eyes scanned for anything that could give you passage inside. Scaling the wall was impossible at the moment. You probably wouldn't make it five steps before the monsters spotted you.

  
And as if someone had heard your internal struggle, your sharp, (e/c) orbs found a sliver in the wall. Wide and tall enough for both of you to slip through the impressive mass of stone. Praying it gave way to the other side, you pointed at the crack.

  
"There." You whispered.

  
Thomas nodded and snatched your hand that hung limply. You gave him a questioning glare but let him hold your clammy hand noticing the fear inside his onyx orbs.

  
"Wait until that titan there walks away, and then we run like hell, got it?"

  
The titan you had pointed out paced away, it's back facing away from where you hid, a spark of adrenaline and fear igniting within you.

"NOW!" You shouted, taking off into a full sprint towards your only hope.

If this failed, you knew it would be the end for the both of you. Thomas was gripping your hand so tightly as your legs carried you closed to the tiny crack in the wall that you couldn't feel it anymore.

  
The large titan facing away from you suddenly turned and faced you. Its smiling flesh seeming to grow wider as it spotted its next prey. It swiped for you, almost grabbing Thomas who yelped in surprise.

  
You were almost there. You stretched your arm out, your fingertips brushing the rough stone and flung yourself and Thomas inside the small hole, the both of you stumbling to the dirt. Large digits smashed the ground right where you had been standing and you nearly sobbed in relief at seeing the boring old stone around you.

  
"Holy shit." You heard Thomas laugh, his hand still holding on tightly to yours.

You gave his sweaty hand a squeeze and he let go, sitting up on his elbows and eyeing the opening of the crack that still offered a glimpse of the outside world. It was bittersweet, leaving all you knew for something you had no clue to what it could hold. But, you had made it and kept Thomas alive. He was safe, you were alive, what more could you ask for?

  
The first genuine smile that hadn't made an appearance for years spread across your lips, surprising Thomas.

  
"I haven't seen that smile in ages, Little Kestrel." Thomas hummed, picking you both off the dusty floor.

  
A slight blush formed on your cheeks and your smile faltered away in embarrassment.

"Whatever." You muttered, your eyes glaring daggers at your feet.

  
Thomas rolled his eyes and faced the dark passage way that led deeper inside the walls. In all honesty, it scared you a little. What would happen when you reached the other side? Would the people, if there were any, welcome you or send you away?  
You shuddered and tried to push away your anxiety and stood still alongside Thomas who studied the darkness warily.

  
"Let's go."

  
He strode forward with you hot on his heels and never looked back. You snatched the edge of his cloak for guidance, the dark consuming your sight and shuffled closer to the boy.

  
You walked, and walked for what seemed like hours in the silent and darkened path, sometimes stumbling over uneven ground. Soon, you saw light, blinding and bright.  
Thomas increased his pace, leaving you behind in your anxious musings. Your eyes quickly adjusted to the light and you saw Thomas forcefully shoving himself through the other crack inside the wall.

Your small form stood still within the tunnel, your mouth set in a frown at the lack of noise you heard. An uneasy feeling settled within your stomach as Thomas excitedly tried pulling you through the stone. You knew something was wrong.

Wrong because as you stood in the strange cobbled streets of an abandoned village all that you heard was Thomas and the clicking of his boots against the stone.

  
"Thomas." You whispered harshly, trying to grab the prancing boy as he was nearly screaming about how awesome this place looked.

Thomas!" You hissed again, successfully dragging the boy down to your eye level 

"What?" He laughed. "What's wrong?"

"Listen." You whispered, your eyes darting suspiciously around the nicely made buildings.

"I don't hear anything." He replied, his brows knitting together in confusion at your nervous tone.

  
"Exactly," you said. "This place is supposed to have people, but where _are they_."

  
And then after your words echoed along the streets, you were both very afraid.

  
"I suggest," you said in hurried whispers. "That we climb up that house and see what exactly is going on here."

  
Thomas nodded and scrambled over to the house and easily scaled the side of the home with you above him, already close to the top. You disappeared for a fraction of a second from Thomas's view but popped back to offer him a hand up.

  
You stood upon the red shingles of the roof and gazed over the sea of a destroyed town.  
Shocked, you both stood in silence not expecting to find the ruined town. A gasp broke the quiet and you tilted your head at the boy who stood next to you.

  
"(F/n), look!" He gasped, pointing in the distance.

  
Your eyes followed his index finger, your eyes widening in surprise.

There was smoke coming from a second wall a ways away.

  
Although it was small, another flame of hope flickered inside your chest.

  
You were going to make it to that damned wall, dead or alive. You had too. You clenched your fists in determination and glared at the land that lay ahead of you.

 _For Thomas_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! You've finally made it into the walls! Now the fun actually begins! 
> 
> Also, thank you for all the kudos and visits!! I really appreciate it!!!! :)


	4. A Strange Finding

You could hear the faint chirping of crickets outside the abandoned house you sat it. After Thomas's pleading after the sun dipped behind the walls, you chose a house to settle in for the night.

Accompanying the crickets, you could faintly hear the light snoring of the boy curled up next to you. Dark circles were painted beneath his thin eyes from limited amount of sleep. You knew you looked worse; you rarely slept these past days, afraid if you did, Thomas would up and disappear the minute you shut your eyes.

You sighed and rubbed your eyes, refusing to let the crickets lull you to sleep. Trying to distract yourself from sleep, you slipped your hands inside the pocket where Lark's bag was. You frowned and pulled it to your lap.

It was a simple bag. Nothing stood out from the ordinary, just the clasp which was a red gem. Fiddling with the strap that kept it shut, you debated opening it. One one hand your curiosity was far to great to leave it untouched, but on the other hand the grief of losing Lark was still fresh.

Taking a deep breath, you shut your eyes and opened the satchel.

You opened one clear (e/c) eye and stared at the contents. The first item that caught your eye was the knife. Thin, small, and deadly. Your nimble fingers gingerly gripped the hilt and pulled it up so it dangled in front of your eyes. It looked new, the shiny metal glinting in the soft moonlight that flooded in through the window. You turned it over, little scratches near the hilt catching your wandering eye.

Curious, you squinted at the scribbles that you soon realized, spelled something out. Leaning even closer to the dagger, you nearly chucked the blade away. On the steel were two engraved letters;

_Little Kestrel_

Slightly disturbed by the dagger, you fished around desperately for the sheath and carefully encased the blade. Setting it down beside you, you promised yourself to inspect it later in daylight.

The second item you picked was a small notebook, the writing too small for you to see in the dark. You huffed and set it next to the dagger. Impatient, you dumped the rest of the contents of the bag on your lap.

A wrapped up bundle of berries was the third item you saw, your stomach grumbling at the thought of food. Any food you managed to find always went to Thomas. Of course if the boy knew you had been starving yourself for his sake he would be horrified and force you to eat. In honest, you had eaten a little bit, but not enough to keep the effects of hunger at bay.

You ignored your growling stomach and tilted your head to the side as a thin chain glittered. You pinched the chain of silver and figured it was some type of necklace. It was simple, the only bead or whatever it was, was the silver circle that matched the chain. Even if it was rather dull for your liking, you strung it around your neck anyways. After brushing your hair from your messy braid away, the cool metal met your heated skin.

Your fingers brushed against the chain and a feeling of comfort settled inside you. You didn't know why, but it felt like you were carrying a piece of Lark with you now. A small smile graced your lips and your eyes wandered over to the moonlit window.   
  
You heard Thomas sigh and roll over to his other side, his brows knitting together before going lax again. You could see the thin cuts above his eye and on his jaw line, the layer of dirt covering some other hidden scrapes and bruises.

You had your own fair share of cuts and bruises as well, Thomas pointed out a rather nasty one on your hairline a while back. It stopped bleeding the day you received it, but it still hurt and throbbed like it was fresh.

Thomas mumbled something in his sleep, his lips turning into a deep frown. He started mumbling frantically and squirmed, his face contorting into one of fear. Your heart stung seeing your friend like this. He never had nightmares before you had fled your home, but now he had one nearly every time he slept.

Sighing, you shook his shoulder gently.

"Thomas." You hummed. "Wake up."

His eyes snapped open at your gentle shaking, his eyes wet with tears.

"You're not dead?" He whimpered, his hands clawing at your arm to make sure you were actually there, not something his mind created.

"No, it was just a dream." You sighed, awkwardly placing a hand on his head. You wanted to comfort the boy but it just felt weird and out of place for you. Thomas was the one that always comforted you, not vice versa.

He seemed to enjoy the contact with your hand, scooting closer and resting his head on your thigh. You froze. Warning lights flashed inside your head at his closeness, your mind was panicking at the contact.

 _Do I pat his head? Let him stay there? Shove him off? What am I supposed to do?_!

Your panicked questions were answered when the boy grabbed your frozen hand above his head and placed it on his soft black hair, trying to coax your fingers into playing with his hair.  

Eventually your hesitant digits started to toy with a lock of midnight black strand, a pleased sigh escaping Thomas. Still unsure of what you were doing, you dug your fingers gently in his thick hair and tugged at the roots then brushed his hair from his forehead.

Soon enough he fell asleep, with you not far behind him, your fingers still entwined in his hair as darkness swept over you.

*************************************  
Your eyes flickered open but snapped shut at the harsh sunlight that streamed in through the window. Groaning, you shifted your leg, causing the feeling of pins and needles to course through your leg that Thomas still rested on. Your hand still rested on his head, while the other was on your stomach that still growled hungrily.

  
A soft laugh, one that mimicked how smoke looked, sounded below you.

"Wow, (F/n). If I hadn't known any better I would of thought a wild beast had replaced you."

"Shut up, Thomas." You groaned, a small blush pigmenting your cheeks.

Thomas chuckled and lifted his head from your thigh, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He yawned and stretched, his shirt lifting to reveal his pale, lightly built stomach.

"But seriously, (F/n)," he hummed. "You should eat something."

You rolled you eyes and begrudgingly grabbed the berries you had found in Lark's bag last night and dramatically popped them in your mouth, glaring at the boy in front you.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head and stood, catching sight of the dagger that was placed beside you.

"Where'd you get that?" He questioned, pointing at the knife.

You shrugged and picked it up. "I found it in Lark's bag."

"Oh."

"But it has my name on it."

"What?!" Thomas burst out, snatching the blade and unsheathing it, trying to find what you had claimed the metal said.

" _Little Kestrel_ ," he read. "The hell?"

You nodded in agreement and plucked the dagger from his fingers as you stood. The sheath that held the dagger also had a strap that allowed you to carry you small weapon with ease. You strapped it on above your harnesses and placed the dagger within the perfectly measured slot.

"We should go, if you're ready." You said, striding towards the door.

Thomas skipped after you and you both left the deserted home. The sun was already high in the sky, hot and unrelenting against your heads. The second wall was closer but you knew it was nearly a day or two before you would be able to reach it.

You sighed and let your eyes lazily travel up and down the paved streets and near-perfect houses, the occasional torn down house more common than not. Sometimes you and Thomas had to reroute your path due to giant pieces of rock strewn along the streets.

No more than an hour later, a smell like nothing you've ever had the pleasure of smelling drifted to your nostrils. You gagged and covered your nose, the stench so strong your eyes started to water.

"UHG," Thomas hissed, his voice muffled by his hands. "What the fuck is that?"

You shrugged and pushed forward, not that keen on finding the source of the smell. Yet, your efforts to avoid it led you right to it.

The dead corpse of a person was slumped against the side of a wall, dried blood splattered out behind its body. Thomas made a noise of disgust and tried tugging you past the rotting person, but it was like you were stuck to the ground.

It had 3D maneuvering gear.

Without warning you sprinted to the corpse, the stench overwhelming your poor nose. You coughed and landed on your knees besides the mutilated corpse. His tan jacket was ripped in some places and his white pants where stained with blood.   
Hurriedly you got his gear loose and tugged, the corpse falling to its side while you stole the metal contraptions.

You could taste the bile rising in your throat but you swallowed it down and ran with your newly acquired gear. Thomas gazed at you in horror but said nothing, just followed your running form away from the dead body of the uniformed person.

Panting you ran with Thomas until your nose couldn't detect the rotten smell of death, and held the devices you had stolen close to your chest.

With fire in your eyes you faced Thomas's pale face.

"We're going to make it up that wall."

*************************************  
Commander Erwin sighed tiredly, his cerulean blue orbs catching sight of Commander Dot Pixis standing atop the south wall of Rose.

A group of soldiers stood with him, their eyes filled with confusion. Erwin was summoned by Pixis himself, the letter to Erwin explaining an that the titans right below the wall suddenly decided to leave and follow something else.

"Commander Pixis." Erwin acknowledged, nodding his head in hello.

"Ah! Commander Erwin!" Pixis said, ushering the blond man towards the edge of the wall. "Glad you made it."

Erwin hummed in reply and clasped his hands behind his back, slightly irritated that he had been pulled away from important paperwork for a tour of the walls.

"I realize you most likely have something important to do at the moment, Erwin," Pixis said, his eccentric smile forming on his lips. "But I need to show you something odd."

The members of the Garrison saluted Erwin and ushered him over closer to the edge and cannons.

"This morning we were making rounds, planing on finishing off a few of the titans lined up here, but after awhile their attention was drawn to something we're unsure of." A male soldier debriefed to Commander Erwin, pointing at the lumbering forms slowly making their way in the opposite direction.

Erwin raised and eyebrow at Pixis who only shrugged.

"My theory is," Pixis stated. "That there's survivors out there."

Erwin snorted in disbelief. "That's impossible. All survivors were brought inside Wall Rose."

The bald Commander shrugged and gazed out from the walls, a fast shadow of movement catching his eye, disappearing just as fast as he saw it.

"Hm." He mumbled. "I wonder.."

Just then, the figure zipped into sight once again, the unmistakable wires of 3D Maneuvering Gear attaching on to the flesh of a titan before propelling foreword.

"Erwin, look." Pixis laughed, pointing at the fast moving blur that spun around with the skill of a trained soldier over and around the grabbing hands of titans.

Surprised, the blue eyed Commander caught sight of the blur.

A few shocked murmurs erupted within the group of Garrison soldiers, unsure what exactly they were seeing.

A jolt of fear stabbed through Erwin as a particularly large titan swiped at the person, sending them flying.

Yet, with the speed and agility of a cat, the user swung themselves around before meeting their death with the ground and landed nimbly on the nape of the monster.

It fell to the ground moments later, killed by an unseen weapon. Erwin and Pixis shared a look of uncertainty as the person felled another titan and spun even closer.

A few shouted orders fell from Pixis, telling his soldiers to prepare if this 'person' posed a threat to their safety.

Erwin finally could see this mystery man, the sun making strands of (h/c) glint and shimmer. The man was a girl, Erwin noticed. And then he realized there was another person gripping on tightly to the agile girl.

Amazed at her ability to carry another passenger while slaying titans, Erwin furrowed his eyebrows. She didn't have any blades, just something she clutched in her hand that glinted as it caught an angle of light. Who was this girl? She certainly was not one of Erwin's soldiers.

The girl and her passenger drew the attention of another smiling beast. All of the Garrison soldiers that stood atop the wall, along with Erwin and Pixis gazed in dread when the steaming hand of the titan smashed the house the girl had been standing on.

Erwin winced at your alarmed screech as she just barely managed to avoid its fist. She was a few meters away now.

Part of Erwin hoped she made it, the other part new there was little to no hope for her.

Commander Erwin could see your widened (e/c) orbs gaze at the wall. He knew you would try to scale the walls.

"Pixis!" He bellowed. "Once she attaches her hooks into the wall, tell your soldiers to help her! Im not letting her die while we watch!"

The other Commander nodded and barked orders at his subordinates, the loud  _clunk_ of steel against stone interrupting Erwin's thoughts.                                        

He leaned over the edge, her arms shaking in effort to hold herself and a boy away from the terrors below them. The (h/c) girl's legs were tucked to her stomach, just barely out of reach from death.

Her head suddenly snapped up, the fiery (e/c) caught Erwin off guard as she glared up at the curious faces above her. Erwin had expected fear inside her eyes, but all he found was determination and the slight traces of anger.

Once again Erwin was surprised as Pixis himself repelled down, slightly above her tense form. She spat out a few words, trying to deter the Commander from helping her. Pixis laughed at her biting comments and held out his hand which she reluctantly took.

Once she was safely placed besides the Commander of the Garrison, the boy gripping on to her tiny form collapsed on the stone, pale and nearly dead.

The wall was deathly silent as they all stared at the short girl who still gripped on to a thin knife stained with evaporating titan blood.

Erwin took a step closer to the pair and raised his hands in submission when she let out a feral growl. Her (e/c) eyes looked afraid now, darting nervously from face to face as they all stared.

"Well don't just stand there! Help him!" She screeched at the circle of uniformed soldiers, gesturing to the unconscious boy on the ground.

Another murmur of uncertainty came from the Garrison soldiers, the only one making a move to help were the two Commanders.

Erwin frowned at her trembling form when he paced closer, the girl suddenly falling to her knees and dropping the knife with a clatter. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and fell forward, Erwin rushing to catch her before her head collided with the stone.

"What an interesting day!" Pixis exclaimed, hoisting the skinny black haired boy upon his shoulder.

 _An interesting day indeed_ Erwin mused, holding on to the oddity that made up the small girl in his arms.

 

 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I don't have much to say here but, thanks for reading! Not a lot happened here besides your amazing skill at kicking butt! 
> 
> ;)


	5. Rogues

_The small, wet pebbles that lined the beach sparkled in the lingering light of sunset. The water was almost still, small waves occasionally hitting the beach with little force. You reached down to pick one up, running your thumb over its smooth surface. It was perfectly round, with no sharp edges or jagged curves. You swung your arm back and flicked your wrist, watching the small pebble skip across the surface of the sea. A soft giggle escaped your lips as the chilly water lapped over your bare toes. Squealing, you stumbled away from the water when it surged around your ankles._

_"(F/n)!"_

_Your innocent (e/c) eyes landed on the young boy who called your name. His pants were rolled up to his knees, his deep black eyes sparkling with happiness._

_"Thomas!" You cried, throwing your arms around the boy._

_He laughed and set you down._

_"(F/n!) you have to wake up!"_

_"What?" Your eyebrows scrunched up in confusion at the boy's words. Weren't you already awake?_

_"Wake up."_

_His face contorted into the narrow face of Lark, Thomas's black orbs melting away into large light brown ones._

_"Little Kestrel, why didn't you help me?"_

_You screamed and tried to turn away from Lark as blood dripped from invisible cuts on his face as his grin twisted into that of a madman._

_Tripping over yourself in haste, you backed away, his tall figure growing even taller as he grew into a greasy haired titan. Its haunting smile grew large as it jumped towards you, its digits wrapping around your middle, squeezing the air from your lungs as it crushed you._

_You tried to scream for help, but no sound came out. Black dots swarmed around your vision at the loss of air, the darkness more welcoming than the jaws of the titan lowering you into its mouth._  

You jolted up in fright, your hands clutching where your beating heart that slammed against your ribcage. You tried to even out your panicky breathing from your nightmare, the effects still clinging to your mind.

Your eyes frantically searched for Thomas, not finding the boy sent you into another mini heart attack. Right before you had made it to safety, Thomas was pierced with stray rubble when you were nearly smashed to bits. You didn't think it was too serious, but you could always be wrong.

Breathing heavily, your eyes scanned your surroundings. It was a dark room, the only light coming from a lit candle in the hallway. Stumbling over your feet, you rushed over to the source of light.

You cried out in pain when steel bars connected harshly with your face. You bit your lip and rubbed your cheek, your other hand enclosing around the cold bars that imprisoned you.

You swore and tried shaking them to see if one of them were loose enough for you to escape. It seemed that your lucky streak ended as you slumped against the barred wall.                                      

The urge to cry washed over you, but you glared at the dirty floor and willed them away. Your brought your knees to your chest and buried your head in between your kneecaps. Where was Thomas? Did they kill him?

You scoffed and shook your head. No, you didn't think they did. Not after the bald man had pulled you up from the wall. You vaguely remember passing out from exhaustion right in front of a worried looking blond before you screamed at them to help you.

You grimaced at the memory and sighed. Why were you here? In a prison cell no less. You closed your eyes and sighed again. As far as you knew climbing a wall didn't land you in solitary confinement.

Suddenly the sound of boots on stone could be heard throughout the dimly lit area, an elongated shadow flickered across the stone wall as they approached.

You raised you head slowly when the footsteps stopped in front of your cell. Your eyes drifted up from his knee-high boots to his pristine white pants to his fingers that toyed with a familiar knife, and then finally up to his face.

His head was tilted to the side, his cerulean blue eyes darker in the poor lighting. His blond hair was styled neatly, probably kept up by some kind of hair gel.

"Im assuming this is yours?" He said, twirling the dagger.

The ends of your lips twitched, his deep, even voice held the same accent that Anthony had, although Anthony's accent was less prominent.

 _I guess this is how they all speak..._ You thought, hugging your knees closer to your chest.

" _Little Kestrel_ ," the blond read. "Is that your name?"

You shrugged and rested your chin on the divot of your knee, your owlish gaze resting on his features as head held the knife out.

"Where's Thomas?" You mumbled, breaking eye contact to gaze at his hands.

"Is that the name of the boy you were with?"

You nodded.

"Thomas is fine. He suffered from a few minor cuts and a possible concussion. Our medics also found him severely dehydrated, which Im assuming you're experiencing as well." He stated, folding his arms across his chest.

You breathed a sigh of relief at hearing that Thomas was alive and well, the other words that escaped the blond's lips were ignored.

"Can I see him?" You whispered, your eyes meeting his once again.

"That depends on your cooperation with us." The man said.

"Cooperation?" You said, puzzled, your eyebrows scrunching up.

"Yes," he affirmed. "Your sudden appearance has caused some concerns and questions within these walls about you."

"Oh." You mumbled. "What kind of concerns?"

"Does this mean you're willing to cooperate...Little Kestrel?" The blond asked, his tone unsure of the name he used.

"I guess." You shrugged, a little flicker of anxiety rushing through you as you agreed.

The blond gave you the faintest of smiles and pulled out a key from the pocket of his tan jacket and stuffed your knife in another.

You noticed he wore the same outfit as the corpse you had stolen from. You shuddered slightly when you remembered the stench that accompanied it.

"Who are you?"

The man paused and looked down at your small form on the dirty ground, his bushy brows raising in surprise at his forgetfulness to mention his name.

"My name is Erwin Smith, 13th Commander of the Survey Corps, a pleasure meeting you."

You snorted at the "pleasure meeting you" part. No one _liked_ meeting you, it was common knowledge how cold and distant you were to others. You push people away, not let them in.

He swung the creaky bars open and stepped aside to let you through, your hands pushing against the gritty floor to lift yourself up and shuffle out the door.

Your head barely reached his shoulder, closer to his mid bicep if anything, a small fact that you knew would annoy you to no end.

You hated it when people were taller than you even _if_ everyone you had the chance to meet did have a taller stature than you. A fact that you begrudgingly accepted throughout your life.                                                

Erwin's hand drifted to your shoulder, making you violently flinch away at the contact. His dark eyebrows lifted in surprise and held his hands up.

"Im sorry," he said. "But I have to make sure you don't run."

You scoffed and rolled your eyes. "Why would I run if I tried so hard to _get_ here."

Erwin shrugged and gestured for you to start walking, this time keeping his hands politely behind his back. "I don't make the rules, Little Kestrel.

"(F/n)." You suddenly said, stopping in front of the tall blond.

"Pardon?"

"My name," you said, shifting your weight from one foot to another. "It's (F/n). Not 'Little Kestrel'."

Erwin's cerulean eyes stared into your own (e/c) ones and stayed silent before mouthing you name quietly to himself and gracing you with a smile.

"Alright, (F/n)." He hummed, a small, barely there, blush staining his cheeks.

You crossed your arms and looked away, slightly embarrassed by how tenderly he spoke your name.

"Let's get you out of here, (F/n)."

*************************************

It was overwhelming. Too many people. Too many voices. Too many smells. Too many eyes staring at you with wonder, sometimes fear.

When you had agreed to Erwin's proposal, you had thought there were only going to be a few people, not _this_.

You didn't even know that it was possible that this amount of people could exist. It was insane!

When you caught glimpses of the variety of faces and the loud mummers inside the room Erwin had guided you to, you started to panic and tried to run back to the cold, dingy cell below this room filled with people. You only stopped trying to run when Erwin had threatened to not let you see Thomas. It earned him a terrifying glare that would probably scare the Devil himself, but it shut you up.

You were led to the center of the room, the stares making you anxious and uncomfortable. The room erupted into whispers as they gazed upon seeing your state of being. You were pretty sure that you still had dried blood and grime smeared across your face, making you smirk slightly when you received some disapproving stares.

"(F/n)," he hummed, bending down to whisper softly in your ear. "Im sorry, but I have to restrain you."

"What? Why?" You growled back, glaring at the blond man.

"Don't argue." He muttered, snatching your wrist before you had time to evade his nimble fingers that hooked on the iron shackle.

Whining slightly as your free hand was tugged behind the pole and promptly cuffed as well. You pulled on your restraints, a loud clinking sound escaping the pole as you tried to pull.

Erwin stepped in front of you and gave you a apologizing smile which earned him another death glare.

"Commander Erwin," a very nasally voice called from one of the seats that sat high above the crowd. "Where is the other. Commander Pixis and you both stated that in your reports that there were two rogues, not one."

The nasally sounding man gestured to you.

"Yes," Erwin said. "But the boy has currently been unconscious since the day we contained him. My apologies sir, but she's the best we have at the moment."

"Hm." The man said, his sunken dark eyes assessing you. "No matter."

The man above the crowd was old, his face droopy accompanied with a receding hair line and a greying beard. You gazed at him in wonder. The oldest person you had ever really seen was Anthony and Raven, yet even then their age was a candle against a torch with this man.

"State your name, child." He sighed, his nasally tone flat and dull.

You glanced at Erwin who now sat with the crowd, a smiling brunette with glasses besides him. He raised an eyebrow and nodded subtly, his cerulean orbs glancing at the old man.

"(F/n)." You spoke, nervously glancing around the people surrounding you.

"Where did you come from, (F/n)?" The man asked, his eyes boring holes into your skull.

"Outside," you mumbled, staring at the floor.

"Speak up."

"Outside the walls." You said, raising your voice.

"Please specify." He exhaled, placing his chin inside his palm.

"I-I don't understand.." You said, confused on how he wished you to specify.

What the hell was there to specify? You came from _outside_ the walls. What more was there to clarify?                                         

"What I mean," the saggy faced man breathed. "Are you, or were you, a resident of Wall Maria before the fall?"

Your eyebrows knitted together at the strange names. _They name the walls?_

"N-no." You said, shifting your bound hands. "We lived beyond them."

Gasps and shocked whispered rippled through the people, only to be silenced by the man slamming his fist against the polished wood.

"Silence!" His voice boomed over the noise, settling his dark eyes on you once more.

"Why did you come here, (F/n)?"

"Protection," you stated, memories of the bloody horror of your home being destroyed flashing before your eyes. "My home was destroyed and I was forced to flee, along with my...friend."

The word still tasted odd inside your mouth.

"Do you intend to harm others?"

You glared and shook your head. "No, I just wanted to keep Thomas safe."

"How were you able to use 3-Dimensional Maneuvering Gear despite the fact that you apparently lived beyond Wall Maria. Do your people have a smuggling business within here?

"My _people_ ," you hissed, a spark of anger igniting at the accusation. "are dead. And even if we did have contact with you, we wouldn't need your shitty items. We take care of our own."

"I suggest you watch your mouth, (F/n)," he sighed. "Answer the questions."

You narrowed your eyes and bit your lip, trying to quell your growing bubble of anger.

"The man who taught me what I know was one of you. I don't know any details."

"His name?" The man said, boredom evident in his nasally voice.

"Anthony Tropianska." You said, glaring up him. "He's dead."

The man raised a white eyebrow and shuffled his papers.

"Right, we'll look into that. Now, does your friend posses the amount of skill that you demonstrated last afternoon?" The man asked, leaning forward in his seat.

"He was given different training than me." You growled, clenching your fists.

"Would you say he was a danger to humanity?"

"No."

"It says here in my reports from Commander Erwin and Commander Pixis that you slew at least three titans with a dagger. Are you confident that you do not intend to harm anyone within these walls?"

Another wave of murmurs consumed the crowd.

"Only if they don't harm me." You sneered.

You heard a snort of laughter from the bald man that lifted you up the wall. His golden brown eyes sending you a wink when you made eye contact. You assumed he was Commander Pixis and tilted your head in curiosity.

The nasally man frowned and shuffled his papers once more before letting out a tired puff of air. Your eyes drifted up to his another time.

"Since you have no file here inside the walls and have no current guardian, your custody will be placed in the hands of either the military branch of the Garrison or the Survey Corps since they found you on their watch. Your skill will be needed to aid the freedom of humanity and will be greatly appreciated if you accept."

"And if I don't accept?" You questioned, digging your fingernails into your palms.

"If you don't accept you will be escorted from the walls, along with your friend back to where you came from."

"Fine." You grumbled, not willing to go back to your former home and put Thomas in danger once more. "I accept."

"Wonderful." He replied dryly. "I will now accept the statements from Commander Erwin and Commander Pixis on your future custody. Commander Erwin, you may proceed."

The blond haired Commander stepped forward and cleared his throat.

"Thank you sir. I believe that (F/n)'s ability to endure high stress environments, along with her extraordinary skill to slay titans, with a dagger no less, should automatically place her within my care." He said without missing a beat. "Also, she and Thomas have both survived beyond the walls and that could give the Survey Corps some valuable insight on mapping and finding out more clues about the unknown and the titans. That is all."

He glanced at you staring (e/c) orbs and gave you a faint smile, causing you to turn away quickly in fear of you blushing.

"Commander Pixis," the man above you sighed. "Your statement."

"I agree with Commander Erwin, sir." The mustached man smiled, his crinkles below his eyes bunching together. "Her skills will be better placed with the Survey Corps, not the Garrison. Although the Garrison would love to have her, it would be a waste."

He gave you another wink and you rolled your eyes.

"I agree." The nasally old man said. "Congratulations Commander Erwin, you earned yourself the custody of (F/n). She will be transferred to the Survey Corps immediately."

The brunette lady next to Erwin squealed excitedly and tugged on the Commander's shirt eagerly, the crowd around you mumbling in surprise. You gave her a strange look before the old man called for your attention.

"Welcome to your new home."          

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! School is starting soon so I may not update everyday but I will still be active! 
> 
> Also, yay! Your life is just beginning! Lmao sorry about how long it is leading up to the romance parts! >:)


	6. Welcome Home

Thomas's eyes flicked open, a white ceiling greeting him. This wasn't his home.

He shot up, instant nausea slamming into his stomach, causing him to lay back down. He groaned and clenched his stomach. His head throbbed, his ribs hurt, he felt like shit, and you were no where to be found.

Thomas groaned again, and slowly sat into a sitting position. His dark eyes landed on his unfamiliar pants, they were different than his own. Cleaner and tidier than what his previously owned pants were like.

Glancing about the strange room he saw a tray of bandages, a glass of water and food. Like a starving animal he snatched the bread and swallowed it down in seconds despite his nausea. He chugged the water next, the liquid soothing his dry mouth and chapped lips.

A small *click echoed through the room, a wooden door swung open a second later. Surprised, Thomas hastily backed away into the corner of his bed and curled his knees up to his chest.

A dark brown head of hair popped in sight, glancing to the right and then to him. A pair of sparkling green orbs settled on his face, tagged along with a goofy smile. Her hair matched the rich color of dark chocolate and hung just below her shoulders. On closer inspection you could see the light splash of freckles on her sun kissed skin.

"Hello!" She beamed, shutting the door with a loud bang.

Thomas stared at her curiously as she tugged over a stool, dropping a pad of paper in the process, her long white coat flitting around her. Once she got settled she gave Thomas another smile.

"Im Doctor Cinna Ramirez, and _you_ must be Thomas!"

Thomas would have given her a glare if he could, he was never very intimidating and preferred to let the death glares come from you.

You on the other hand were terrifying and could probably send this girl running for the hills from merely glancing at her. He smirked, a little bubble of dread filling up inside after remembering you weren't here.

"Where's my friend?" He grumbled, putting on his best 'angry face' as you called it.

"Don't be so grumpy, Mr. Grumpy Pants." She laughed, glancing and flipping through the stapled papers.

Thomas narrowed his eyes and said nothing.

At his silence the girl glanced up and awkwardly cleared her throat.

"Er, sorry," she sighed. "You're friend is fine, she's being escorted here as we speak. A bit worse for wear though! They didn't even have the decency to clean her up before her trial!"

"What trial?" He said, a hint of worry interlacing her words. "(F/n) didn't do anything wrong!"

The young woman shrugged and pulled out a pen from behind her ear and scribbled something down.

"Well obviously not, she _is_ going to be here soon. But right now we're gonna concentrate on you. You've been half dead for the past two days."         

"I have?" Thomas asked.

"Yup! You got some pretty nasty scratches and a possible concussion, but we took care of you."

"Where exactly is _here_ anyways." Thomas snorted, wincing when he moved as a sharp pain pinched his side.

Cinna smiled and suddenly placed her hand across her heart in a salute.

"Welcome to the Survey Corps, Thomas! Your skills will be greatly appreciated."

"Skills?" Thomas scoffed.

Cinna nodded and gave him a strange look, what she was going to stay suddenly interrupted by a small blonde girl. Even smaller than you.

"Miss Ramirez?" Her soft voice echoing through the neat room. "T-the other rogue has arrived."

The girl's large blue eyes glanced at Thomas and nervously looked away once they met.

"Ah!" The freckled woman smiled, quickly jumping up and rushing out after the small blonde girl.

And then Thomas was left in silence one again. He clenched his bare feet and slipped off the bed, deciding to search for his shoes.

 _She didn't say I couldn't leave_...He thought, finding his shoes neatly placed below the bed.

Pulling them on quickly and pulling on the wooden door. He glanced both ways down the long hallways and caught sight of the long white coat flicker around a corner. Smirking, he followed.

As Thomas rushed after Doctor Ramirez he passed multiple people around his age, a few older than he, through the hallways. Some of them swearing at him as Thomas pushed them aside.

"Watch where your going dumbass." A two-tone haired boy sneered at Thomas.

Thomas ignored him and continued to follow the small blonde and Cinna. The pair exited through large oak doors and made their way to a group of horses that trotted up.

Thomas stood in front of the wooden door, unsure if he would be taken back to his room if Cinna saw him.

Suddenly he was shoved aside roughly, the same long-faced boy who had insulted him minutes ago was staring back at him with a glare. Another boy walking beside him glared back at Thomas as well, his blond beefy figure easily towered over him.

"Watch it shortstack." He said, pushing out the door.

Thomas glared at the pair and followed them out. Already a circle of curious people formed around the group of horses.

A man with very bushy eyebrows jumped from his steed and turned around to search for someone within the group of horses.

"I hear they found someone _outside_ of Wall Maria."

"I heard they killed three titans with a knife."

"Didn't they carry another person up the wall? I wonder if the other one died."

Thomas snorted at the gossip, this was ridiculous. A jolt of panic raced through him as he caught a glimpse of Cinna shuffling after the tall blond man.

The crowd fell silent as the man with the bolo tie and Cinna pulled the familiar angry scowling of your face from behind a brown horse. You still had dried blood plastered against your forehead, along with a layer of grime. Even if your mask showed fearlessness, Thomas could see the slight fear in your (e/c) orbs as everyone stared.

" _That_  pipsqueak killed three titans and carried a passenger with our gear?" The two-toned haired boy snickered.

He earned a few chuckles from the crowd which sparked a flame of anger inside him. You weren't someone to be underestimated. Thomas growled and shoved the long-faced boy aside, not giving a damn if Cinna saw him.

Your eyes widened at the sudden appearance of Thomas. Not knowing what came over him, he threw his arms around you and squeezed tight.

A little squeak of surprise escaped you, your hands hanging limply as Thomas hugged you.

Murmurs erupted within the crowd of identically dressed people at your embrace.

"Thomas." You growled. "I will kick your ass if you don't let go."

Thomas laughed and let your form wiggle away from him. The blond man that stood next to you was glaring down at Thomas. He swallowed, a bit uncomfortable at how he stared at him.

"Thomas!" Cinna scolded. "Why aren't you in bed!"

She left your side to latch onto his arm and tug him away through the circle of soldiers, the two-toned hair boy snickering along with his friends as he was ushered away. Thomas glanced back at you and gave you a crooked smile as he was taken away.

*************************************  
"(F/n)." Erwin hummed, leading you through the confusing hallway to an unknown location.

"What."

"We need to get you cleaned up before dinner."

"Dinner?" You asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, dinner." He sighed. "Unless you'd rather not eat?"

You shook your head. "No, I'd like to eat."

He chuckled and veered the two of you off in another direction, reaching a door and opening it quietly.

"Since we don't have a room assigned to you yet, you can stay here for awhile."

You glanced around the neatly furnished room, the large stack of paper on a desk catching your eye.

"Is this your room, Erwin?" You asked, a very small blush lining your features at the thought of staying in his room.

"Yes." He confirmed, a blush of his own appearing across his nose. "Im sorry about the lack of privacy, but this is what we have for now."

You nodded as Erwin led you to a tiled bathroom, his deep voice explaining how to use the metal knobs to turn on the shower after you had explained you'd never seen a shower before.

After he left you to your own devices, you stripped off your dirty clothes and uncomfortable straps and sighed in content as the warm water washed off all the dirt and blood from the past few days. You hissed as the water stung your cuts and scrapes.

A while later, you stepped out of the shower feeling clean and somewhat relaxed in your new home.                                     

A pile of clothing caught your (e/c) orbs, a familiar blade resting atop it with a note.

A faint smile graced your lips at the kindness Erwin had showed you.

_Maybe it won't be so bad here.._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah Im sorry! This is a really crappy chapter but I just needed to write something to get the story moving!


	7. New Kids

You gazed into the mirror curiously. This was probably the first time you'd ever seen yourself clearly, only seeing your reflection in water or steel.

Your fingers drifted over to the scabbing cut across your forehead and to the little scrapes below your eye and chin. You frowned at the cuts and how your eyes held a glare.

Did you always look like that? You huffed and looked away. Why did you care how others saw you?

You huffed again and let your fingers untwist the chest piece of your straps. They were new, not the old frayed ones that you previously owned which bothered you slightly. Those straps saved your life multiple times and you were slightly sad to see them replaced.

 _Great_. You thought. _New rashes._

You sighed and unfolded the tan jacket, looking at it with a strange sense of unworthiness. You weren't one of these people, and you didn't want to wear their things. You rolled your eyes and tossed it back on the counter, grabbing the carefully placed grey cloak and draping it across your shoulders.

You frowned and twirled the end of the grey fabric, the faint smell of juniper and tree sap still lingered. A stab of pain pierced your heart smelling the remnants of Lark.

You clenched the fabric and sighed, pushing your thoughts away and stepping out into Erwin's office.

He sat hunched over his desk with a pen in his hand, scribbling away on his mountain of paperwork. At the sound of your soft footsteps he glanced up with his cerulean eyes that matched the color of the ocean you had seen many years ago.

"What's the point of having white pants it they're just going to get dirty?" You grumbled, pinching the white fabric.

The Commander chuckled and returned his attention to his paperwork. You lazily strolled over to one of the leather chairs in front of his desk and gingerly sat down.

"Why aren't you wearing your jacket, (F/n)?"

"I, uh, don't feel comfortable wearing it." You mumbled, twirling Lark's cloak around your finger again.

"Ah." Erwin said. "I suppose you don't have to."

You nodded.

"For now." He continued. "I know you still need time to adjust, but we can't have the other soldiers thinking they can break dress code."

You scoffed and shrugged, staring at your knee-high boots. This outfit was ridiculous, like hell you were going to wear the tan jacket.

"Are you hungry?" Erwin asked, standing and striding over to his door.

"Sure." You said, the thought of food causing your stomach to erupt in angry growls.

You both left his office, passing a few people who gave you curious looks. They quickly averted their eyes once you gave them an icy glare.

A group of three stood around the corner as the sea of voices grew louder the nearer you got to the Mess Hall.

A boy with wide blue eyes and a mop of blond hair stared at you in wonder. He reminded you of Thomas, the way his eyes sparkled with curiosity. A red blush splashed against his skin as you made eye contact, his orbs glancing down at his toes.

The brunette boy beside him elbowed him in the ribs and whispered something in his ear, making the blond blush harder. The placid face of the girl leaning on the wall rolled her eyes at the pair and glanced at you, giving a small nod as you passed.

After you passed the trio, Erwin pushed open the doors for you that lead to the mess hall. The chatter stopped as all eyes landed on you once again.

Any eyes you met, you gave them a fierce glare that made them squirm in their seat as they looked.

"Hey, that's the pipsqueak I was talking about, guys." A boy with a long face and two-toned hair said to his group of friends.

It was an odd haircut, the top of his hair matching the color of sandalwood while the bottom was much darker in color. But it suited him for some reason you felt.

"That's not very nice, Jean." A small blonde girl scolded, a freckled brunette slinging an arm around her.

"I-I think she h-heard you." A very tall green eyed boy pointed out, nervously glancing at your scowling self.

Erwin continued to walk past the group of soldiers, all the while your eyes were boring holes into the back of _Jean's_ head.

"I think you made her mad, Horse-Face." A girl laughed, crumbs spraying across the table as she spoke.

Your eye twitched in disgust at the lack of manners she showed.

"You're disgusting, Potato Girl." Jean snorted, rolling his honey colored eyes.

Erwin was gone now, already grabbing a tray and settling down next to the brunette with glasses. You never did catch her name..

You'd find that out later. Now, with arms crossed and a stare that could kill, you placed yourself right behind the two-tone haired boy. _No_ _one_ calls you short without getting a piece of your mind. An angry piece. A _real_ angry piece.

The blonde girl looked away embarrassed as the freckled girl burst out laughing as you stood behind him; unbeknownst to the poor soul named Jean.

"What?" Jean growled, raising an eyebrow at his friends who either chuckled or looked away, prepared for the boy's funeral.

"I think your friends are right, _Jean_ ," you hissed, leaning down close to his ear. "You _did_ make the pipsqueak angry."

He visibly stiffened and looked frantically around for some type of help from his friends. They all shook their head with pity.

"Maybe you should watch your mouth. You never know who's listening." You whispered grimly, turning on your heel and following after Erwin who gave you a questioning look.

"Holy shit." You heard someone mumble behind you, along with some other unsettled mumbles from the 104th squadron.

You smirked, it was too easy. You'd think soldiers of all people would be able to hold their own against you.

 _Apparently not,_ you mused.

Sighing you plopped down in a wooden chair next to the tall man who handed you a tray of food. The soup looked strange and the bread was obviously stale. You raised an eyebrow at the Commander and gestured questionably at the food.

"Just eat, (F/n)." He sighed, sipping from his porcelain teacup.

Suddenly a hand was slammed down next to your plate of food, shaking the liquid and making you flinch.

"What do you know about titans." The brunette with glasses all but screamed.

You gave her a strange look and tore off a piece of stale bread. Before you could answer Erwin cleared his throat.

"(F/n), this is Hanji. Hanji this is-"

"(F/n), I know! Remember I was there Erwin." She laughed, her head tilting to the side.

Erwin mumbled something under his breath that was muffled by his beverage.

"So, (F/n)," she cooed, leaning close and resting her chin inside her hand, a small glint of adoration seeping into her brown orbs.

"What _do_ you know about titans?"

"Oi, Shitty Glasses," a very cold, monotonous voice interrupted. "No one wants to hear or talk about your creepy obsession."

Slightly annoyed by the constant interruptions, you turned and glared at the new arrival. His sharp grey eyes stared with disdain at the woman, his mouth set in a thin line. His black hair was styled in an undercut, his ebony colored bangs fell across his forehead just above his unemotional eyes.

"Well maybe (F/n) here wants to, Levi. Im sure she knows something about titans from living outside the walls and everything."

His razor like eyes landed on your own glaring ones and narrowed them.

"Tch, so you're one of the brats that got pulled up the wall."

His eyes drifted over your form, smirking slightly.

"For how much you've been talked up recently, I would of thought you were bigger."

You grit your teeth and clenched your fist. What was it with your height today? Why the fuck does that matter anyways?

"Sorry to disappoint." You hissed dryly, glaring daggers at him.

Hanji giggled and Erwin rolled his eyes. Levi smirked and sat in the seat next to Hanji, taking a sip from his drink.

"To answer your question, Hanji." You grumbled at the brunette. "I don't know anything about them. Even if I did, it wouldn't matter."

"Of course it does, (F/n)!" Hanji cried, her eyes lighting up in excitement. "With new information we can figure out how they tick and whole bunch more! We even found out that people can shift into titans!"

Levi glared at the woman and rolled his eyes and made a "tch" sound. Erwin gave you a sympathetic smile when you raised an eyebrow.

"So, then, do they fight for you or something?" You asked, not quite believing what the brunette said.

"Well...One does.." She shrugged, twirling her spoon around in her soup. "Anyways! Enough about that!"

You grunted and tore off another morsel of stale bread, grimacing at the chewy substance. They obviously didn't want to elaborate more on the whole "titan shifting" thing, which in your opinion found ridiculous. No way that could be real.

"Where's Thomas?" You asked, glancing up at the serious-faced commander who lazily sipped his drink. "That lady with the white coat took him away."

Levi snorted. "That brat would keep him till the end of time if she could."

Your eyebrows scrunched together in confusion at the small man, Hanji trying to contain her giggles concerned you even more.

"Should I be worried?" You inquired, giving Erwin a quizzical stare.

Erwin chuckled and shook his head.

"No, (F/n). Levi is just-"

"Just what?" Levi snorted. "That woman loves her playthings."

"Don't be rude Levi. Doctor Cinna is such a lovely lady, she never has any patients so she wants to be thorough."

Levi scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Whatever."

The three of you sat in silence, letting the buzz of other cadets drown out the quiet.

The door swung open and the familiar shaggy haired head popped out. Thomas's eyes found yours and gave you a goofy grin that made the corners of your lips twitch into an almost smile.

He waved and skipped over to you, the dark haired doctor following after him with a pen and paper. He slipped past the table with the boy named Jean who gave him a glare.

"Hey Lover Boy." Jean snickered at Thomas who was practically attached to Doctor Cinna.

Thomas rolled his eyes. "Horse Face."

A few snickers came from his friends, an angry glower directed towards Thomas as he ran up to your table.

"Commander Erwin!" Cinna called. "Thomas seems to be in perfect condition! I mean, besides the cuts.."

The lightly freckled woman slung an arm around the boys's narrow soldiers and gave him a squeeze. Levi rolled his eyes at the affectionate doctor.

Thomas blushed and tried to shake the lady off who only gripped him tighter and pulled him to the unoccupied chairs next to Erwin. A spark of jealously ignited within you, seeing how touchy she was with your friend. Who does she think she is?

"Where are the bathrooms?" You grumbled, your mood now ruined by the doctor who still had an arm around the blushing boy.

"You can use my room. Do you remember where it is?" Erwin hummed, his eyes holding a look of concern at your sudden mood swing.

"Yeah." You lied, rushing from your seat and escaping through the hallway. Oblivious of the eyes that followed you.

You stared at your feet as you sprinted away and out of the blue crashed headfirst into a hard surface who gasped in pain. You yelped in surprise and landed on your backside.

The same blond boy with wide blue eyes that you saw before stood above you with a shocked look.

"Oh! Im s-so sorry!" He squeaked, rushing to pull you up.

You didn't have the heart to glare at him so you shrugged and shook your head.

"I wasn't looking where I was going." You sighed.

"I-I know, but I k-knocked you down!"

"It's fine." You hummed, brushing off the invisible dirt from your pants.

"If y-you say so.." He said rubbing the back of his neck. "Im Armin."

"(F/n)." You said, taking in his fidgety self. "Where are your friends?"

"Eren and Mikasa? They're going out to train."

"You're not?" You questioned, raising an eyebrow at the boy.

"I-Im not really, uh, I, um, didn't feel like it." He sighed, mumbling the last part. "P-plus I have to m-make some arraignments for the expedition next month."

"Expedition?"

"Y-yeah, Im sure Commander Erwin will catch you up s-soon."

You nodded and suddenly realized that you'd been walking the whole time while talking to Armin, the smell of old paper and dust filling your nostrils as you reached a new location.

Glancing around your jaw dropped. Books. Hundreds of books all placed neatly against each other on various shelves. Armin chuckled lightly at your shocked expression.

"Im guessing there aren't many books where you come from."

You shook your head and rushed over to the books and ran your fingers across the fragile spines of the reading material.

"I haven't seen a book in years." You mumbled sadly, the boy's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Really? Well then I have to show you how this place works and my favorite stories while you're here!" He gushed, hurriedly ushering you around the dimly lit place.

As the boy eagerly showed you around you were both oblivious to the pair of golden brown eyes that glared suspiciously at you.

"Ooooo! Horse Face has a crush!"

"Shut up Sasha. Im just making sure she doesn't burn the place down."

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the Kudos and reads! We're finally got some boys x reader going on. And some possible trouble with Doctor Ramirez! Hope you stick around!!


	8. Knife in the Dark

It was dark. Too dark for your liking. You shifted and groaned as your joints popped and cracked in your hips and lower back.

You stretched, your arms brushing against the dusty shelves above you.

Shelves? Where were you?

You pushed yourself up slowly, an open book sliding off your lap as you stood. Before it could tumble to the ground your quick fingers were able to catch it, saving it from possible damage.

Ah, that's right, you were in the library.

You let out a puff of air and squinted in the dark lighting, trying to see what Armin had left you to read. Giving up trying to read the blurry minuscule words, you shut the book with a snap and tucked it under your arm, planning to read it later with better lighting conditions.

Your eyes narrowed in the darkness, odd shapes and mounds forming in the inky blackness of the library. The candles had long since burned out, hinting that it was later in the night than when you had arrived.

An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of your stomach at the deafening silence. You shifted uncomfortably, frozen to the spot in fear of something snatching you from within the darkness.

To put it simply; you were afraid of the dark.

Ever since you were a little girl, the darkness haunted you. You knew the exact moment you became afraid of the murky tendrils that consumed everything it touched. It was the night he dragged you to the woods after you let one of your own die. The night he beat you until your mind felt like static and your limbs didn't feel like your own. And then he left you. Left you for the shadowy claws to drag you down with them.

With shaking hands you slowly pressed your hand against the dagger, finding comfort from the chilly metal. Pulling the metal from its secure place against your waist, you slipped it beneath your sleeve and took a shaky step forward.

Your heart beat rapidly against your ribcage, planning to make a sprint towards the small glare of candlelight at the entrance of the library.

Holding your breath and closing your eyes, you let your feet carry you with the nails of dread digging into skin.

Practically sobbing with relief, you gripped the side of the wall, your knuckles turning a pale white. You heart still beat rapidly inside your chest, blood rushing through your veins. You swore if anyone was around they could've heard the drum-like sound.

Soon, the rapid beating of your heart slowly decreased and you let your death grip on the wall loosen. You inhaled deeply and ran your index finger against the sharp metal, the coolness taming your frayed nerves.

Like your worst fears had come true, a heavy hand was placed on your tense shoulder.

Instinct took over, the hilt of the blade slipping from your sleeve and into your hand as you whipped around, faster than the blink of an eye.

The sharp edge of the blade was pressed against the pale exposed skin of your assaulter, his wide teal-green orbs filled with surprise and terror.

Your own owlish (e/c) orbs glared at the boy, an animal-like ferocity present in your stare. The brunette boy squeaked in fear when you increased the pressure, a bead of blood dripped down his neck.

Like you awoke from some kind of dream from seeing the crimson liquid, you backed away hastily. The teal eyed boy gasped and rubbed his newly acquired injury.

"Holy _fuck_." He hissed, his eyes nervously flicking from your face to your knife that you still held. "Horse Face said you were crazy, but _fuck!"_

You flinched at his choice of words.

"Y-you scared me." You breathed, your heart once again pounding inside your chest cavity.

His heavy breathing echoed through the empty dark hallways, your form a little wary of the boy.

You weren't crazy...Right?

The boy glanced up at your silence and softened his gaze at the panic present in your (e/c) eyes. You looked like a cornered animal.

"Hey," he spoke softly, raising his hands up and taking a careful step forward. "Im sorry I scared you."

Your back hit the stone wall when you took a step back. You recognized the brunette boy from earlier today, he was Armin's friend. You shakily lowered the knife and slipped it back into it's sheath.

"Im Eren." He hummed, holding out his hand after the weapon was hidden from view.

You scrunched up your eyebrows in slight confusion. What is he doing?

"You're supposed to shake it." He said, eyes glancing at his outstretched hand.

"Why?" You whispered.

"I don't know, you just do it when you meet someone.." He sighed. "L-look, I'll show you."

Before you could protest he snatched your limp one hanging at your side and held it firmly, the warmth of his hand warming your own chilly one. You held your breath as Eren gave your hand a light shake, a warm blush spread across your face, thankfully hidden by the dim lighting.

"See?" He said, a crooked smile forming on his face. "It's easy."

You snorted and snatched you hand away, slightly embarrassed.

Eren smiled and glanced behind you into the yawning darkness of the library.

"Why are you here so late?"

You shrugged and rubbed your arm. "I fell asleep. I was with Armin, but I think he forgot I was there."

"Oh," Eren mumbled, his tone somehow sounded disappointed. "Well, since we're both up late and Im guessing you haven't mapped this place out yet..uh..do you want me to walk you someplace?"

Surprised at his offer, despite you nearly killing the boy, you were about to refuse. Yet, one glance behind you quickly changed your mind. Like hell you were going to walk alone in the dark.

"Ok." You agreed softly, not that pumped on having someone help you.

"Sweet." The brunette chuckled giving you a crooked grin. "Where to?"

"Uhm, Erwin's room." You sighed, catching the questioning stare of the teal eyed boy. "It's temporary.."

The taller boy let out a "hm" and nodded. "Alright. Let's go then!"

He spun on his heel and you followed, catching a whiff of the woodsy smell of cardamom as he walked. It reminded you of home.

You hurried after him and paced yourself with his longer stride, sometimes his eyes catching the candlelight that made the teal sparkle like tide pools in the late afternoon.

"Eren." You called, breaking the quiet. "Why are _you_ up so late?"

He chuckled and shrugged. "I couldn't sleep."

You nodded and continued the walk in silence, the boy abruptly stopping in front of the Commanders door.

"I didn't get your name." He said suddenly, tilting his head slightly. Eren's eyes glittered with questions.

"(F/n)." You mumbled, brushing back a stray hair behind your ear.

"Goodnight, (F/n)." He smiled. "I hope I'll see you again."

With that he spun on his heel once again and disappeared down the dark hallway.

"Goodnight Eren." You whispered to the dark hallway where the brunette had just stood.

A half smile graced your lips at the thought of his kindness. You rolled your eyes at yourself and quietly opened Erwin's door and slipped in.

Unbeknownst to you, a certain brunette was blushing scarlet down the hall. His thoughts of you consuming him. The way you had said his name so perfectly and the memory of how soft your hand was, made him turn an even darker shade of red. Albeit, they were a bit cold, yet so inviting at the same time. Eren wished he held on longer. He shook his head and tried to clear his thoughts.

He _had_  to see you again.  
*************************************  
The next morning you were woken by a very hungry, very impatient raven haired boy named Thomas.

Rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you yawned and regretfully slipped from the makeshift bed Erwin had given you on his couch. The effects of your midnight adventure last night caught up with you fast.

"Thomas," you groaned. "Shut up. Im trying to get my boots on, which is difficult because of your constant yelling in my goddamn ear."

The boy rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. He huffed and stood impatiently by the door like a spoiled child.

"You know, for being nearly 19 years old, you still have the impressive skill of acting like a baby." You griped at your friend who gave you a glare in return.

"At least Im not as tall as one." He bit back, narrowing his eyes at you.

You gave him an icy stare and clenched your fists. You would have punched the raven haired boy if a particular freckled haired doctor hadn't thrown open the door with Erwin in tow.

"Tommy!" She cried happily, rushing over and pinching his cheeks.

You raised an eyebrow and scoffed.  _Tommy? Really?_

The doctor didn't hear your noise of disapproval, too invested in Thomas's well being and continued to fawn over him.

The Commander nodded in hello and drifted closer to you, his large hands holding two porcelain tea cups.

"Do you like tea, (F/n)?" Erwin asked, handing you the steaming cup.

You shrugged, "We had pine nettle and juniper berry tea. But it was awful."

Erwin snorted in amusement and leaned against his desk. "Perhaps you'll like this better. I brewed it this morning."

You took a tentative sip, the hot liquid warming your hands. It wasn't half bad. It was bitter but held some sweetness in it. Much better than what you had tried to make various times with Thomas. You both came away with burn marks after each attempt and somehow managed to convince Lark to join your mischief. You were happy then, when everyone was alive and perfect.

You frowned slightly and set the tea down on the polished wood of his desk, your ears picking up the constant babbling of Cinna that you tuned out awhile ago. You've barely met this woman and you already held a small grudge against her.

"I take it you don't like it?" Erwin hummed, amused at your sour expression.

Your eyebrows furrowed together slightly but then you shook your head. "No, no, it was fine, Erwin. I just thought of something."

He nodded in understatement and didn't press further.

"Doctor Ramirez," Erwin coughed, vying for the woman's attention.

He had to call her name once more before her vivid green eyes snapped away from Thomas's blushing face.

You gave him a questioning glare.

"I think the boy has had enough attention for now, Doctor." Erwin said, giving Cinna a knowing look.

She laughed and shook her head, "Sorry Sir."

Erwin let out a small hum and caught your eyes, his own orbs sparkling with hidden excitement. "(F/n). I believe it's time for some assements."

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't have much to say but I've started school and I may not update everyday but I will try my hardest!


	9. Assessments and Sparing

"Shit!"

Thomas kept swearing, his hair brushed the dusty ground. This was his fifth attempt trying to stay stable in the 3DMG mimicry contraption. Each try ended worse than the last and this recent attempt he had fallen backwards and barely caught himself from cracking his skull.

You tried to contain your soft giggles by bitting your lip, this was too funny. Thomas never was very strong or athletic, more of a sprinter if anything. He was faster than you, a proven fact found out years ago on a stupid bet. You had to do all of his chores for days after your loss.

Thomas glared daggers at you, his dark bangs falling over his even darker eyes as Erwin lowered his suspended body from the contraption.

You giggled again, the light musical sound reaching the Commander's ears; they turned scarlet a moment later. He liked hearing you laugh, he would happily listen to it everyday of his life if he could. He scolded himself mentally for his straying thoughts, you were off limits.

"You suck, (F/n)." Thomas growled, brushing off the dust particles that had attached to his hair once he was standing on his feet again.

"No, _you_ suck, Thomas." You bantered childishly, folding your arms across your chest.

"Well I thought he was doing just fine." A shrill voice pipped up from a few feet away, her cat-like green eyes sparkled in the sunlight when she moved.

Remembering that the doctor had tagged along to your private assessments, as Erwin called it, made your blood boil in annoyance. Doctor Ramirez had _insisted_ she joined the three of you once she heard Thomas was coming.

 _A shame_...You rolled you eyes and scoffed, this lady was ridiculous.

"(F/n)," Erwin called you, snapping your from your angry glaring. "It's your turn."

You raised a brow at the Commander who waited patiently with the hooks in his strong hands. He mirrored your look mockingly.

"If I _suck_ so much, Little Kestrel, then why don't you show me how it's done?" Thomas sneered, a glint of mischief showing in his eyes as he placed himself next to you. "Or is the little birdie afraid of heights now?"

You narrowed your eyes at the boy and stomped over to Erwin and snatched the hooks from his hands, tossing a dirty look at the raven haired boy behind you. Erwin's digits moved to help but you shot him a chilly glare that stopped him in his tracks.

"I don't need your help." You hissed, clenching your teeth and quickly attaching the hooks to your gear yourself.

Erwin's thick eyebrows furrowed slightly and nodded. He sighed and lifted you from the ground, your form perfect, still, and calm.

 _Flawless,_  he thought, his deep cerulean orbs eyeing your from head to toe.

Your arms were crossed in distaste and your face held your signature scowl. This was unnecessary and Erwin knew it. Yet he still made you do this little test. For what? You didn't know.

What Erwin failed to mention that morning, was that he only invited you to assess Thomas's skills, not your own. You had shown plenty of promises the day you climbed the wall. It was Thomas who the Commander was worried about. His new files had caused some recent troubles for Erwin, the boy was full of surprises and the Commander wasn't sure if he should tell the boy what they had found or keep it hidden until he asked...

"Can I come down know? This is stupid." You groaned loudly, swinging back and forth slowly in the fake 3DGM wires, tearing Erwin away from his inner turmoil.

Erwin nodded and set you down gently, your quick fingers unhooking yourself with ease. You stepped away and twirled over to Thomas, a smug look plastered on your features.

"Kestrels aren't afraid of anything." You smirked at the grumbling boy.

"Yeah, whatever." He huffed, "You've been doing this since you were seven."

Erwin's mouth twitched into a frown,  _Seven_ _years_ _old?_ , he thought in surprise. No wonder you could pull off the feat of rescuing yourself and this boy. Erwin sighed, it was most likely because of that Anthony Tropianska man you had mentioned in the trial days before. He was even mentioned in a certain boy's file..

"Im not making fun of you for fucks sake, Thomas! You just suck because you've never really done this before!" You yelled at the boy who had a look of hurt in his thin eyes.

Erwin's ears picked up on your light bickering, the previous words you both had said slipped his mind. You sighed and scribbled something down on Thomas's performance file.

"Hmph."

You rolled your eyes and tugged on his sleeve. "Don't be such a Wren."

A small smile tugged on the corner of Thomas's lips at the stupid thing you came up with because of Wren's constant whining and moping. You missed her..

The sudden image of her broken body drifted to the front of your brain. Her dead, hollow brown eyes and the blood that dripped down her face, filling every crack and crevice. You visibly paled, catching the attention of the Commander and a worried Thomas at your abrupt change in demeanor.

You heard her screams. Her screams that called for help that you could of prevented. You could of killed that titan, you could of done so many different things to help, but you ran. Like you always did.

"(F/n)." Thomas said worriedly, placing his hands on your tense shoulders. Your eyes were wide with fear and your skin was drained of color.

The Commander approached hurriedly and bent down to your eye level. His lips were set in a deep frown at your frozen expression. He cupped a large hand against your clenched jaw in concern.

"(F/N)!" Thomas shouted, shaking you roughly. "(F/N)?!"

As Thomas shook you again your eyes blinked and darted around wildly for a moment before resting on the boy's concerned face. Erwin was there too, his cerulean pools scanning your face for some type of clue. You stared back, a strange warmth coming from the side of your face. You lifted you fingers up and brushed against warm skin, a small blush forming on your cheeks as you realized what it was. It was his hand. Erwin's hand.

The Commander cleared his throat and quickly took his hand away from your face and glanced away, his cheeks turning a subtle red that could be mistaken for exposure from the sun.

"(F/n)," Thomas breathed, "Are you okay?"

You nodded. You knew deep down you weren't, but you couldn't trouble Thomas. Your goal was to keep him safe and worry free, not add on extra burdens for him to carry. Especially yours, your problems were your own.

"Does she need a doctor?" A shrill voice piped up from the side, the brunette's catlike eyes looking over Thomas's shoulder curiously.

Embarrassed by your mild panic attack, you shook off Thomas's hands and turned on your heel, eager to leave the now awkward atmosphere. You brushed past Erwin, the slight tingle of where his hand had been moments before still lingered.

"(F/n)!" Thomas called, stepping after you, ignoring Cinna completely.

"Im _fine_ , Thomas." You hissed, rounding on the boy. "Leave me alone."

His dark eyebrows furrowed but let you stalk off. Thomas would ask you later. This was embarrassing for you, he knew that, so he let you be. Thomas frowned and sighed, glancing up at Erwin who still watched you vigilantly, an unfamiliar emotion swirling in his deep cerulean eyes.

"Sir, she'll be ok." Thomas hummed. "Let her cool off."

The strong man nodded and stared down at Thomas. "We should continue your training."  
*************************************

You angrily stomped towards the gothic looking castle, furious at yourself.

You were weak. You let Wren's death get the better of you and even embarrassed yourself in front of the Commander because you couldn't control your own damn thoughts.

"Stupid," you growled to yourself, kicking a stray pebble out of the way. "Stupid, stupid, stupid."

"Hey, what did that rock ever do to you?" A familiar voice joked, interrupting your angry mutterings.

You turned and spotted Eren with a friendly smile waltzing after you. You shrugged, your bad mood slipping away almost instantly after seeing the boy.

"It got in my way." You said, a small smirk creeping over your lips.

The boy chuckled and bobbed his head in agreement. "Fair enough."

He paused before opening his mouth, not sure if it was he knew you well enough to ask what made you look so angry before, so he settled for something else, slightly afraid of having a repeat of last night. "Where you headed to, (F/n)?"

You honestly didn't know, anywhere was better than where you had just been. You shrugged and folded your arms across your chest, deciding to tease the teal-eyed boy a little.

"Depends on who's asking." You smirked, raising an eyebrow.

The brunette rolled his eyes and stepped closer. "Im asking. Where you headed?"

"Where are you* headed, Eren?" You mimicked, snorting in amusement as his eyes narrowed in annoyance.

"Ha ha, very funny." He said dryly, glaring at your amused features. Your (e/c) orbs sparkled even brighter in the sun, the various layers and colors visible to Eren. Last night he could barely see, but now that he saw you in daylight, his stomach fluttered anxiously.

"Let's make a deal, Eren." You said smugly. "Tell me where you're going and I'll tell you where Im going, deal?"

The corners of the brunette's mouth curved into a smile, and held out his hand. "Deal!"

You eyed his outstretched hand, much like you did yesterday and tilted your head to the side. "I thought you only did that when you met people."

"Well yeah, but, like, it's also used to seal deals and stuff." Eren explained.

"That's dumb." You snorted. "But whatever." Your hand shot out as well and shook it.

"Well a deal is a deal." He chuckled. "I was heading over to a training session with a few people from my squadron."

"Ah," you hummed, slightly curious if Armin was part of the training. You kind of missed the boy for some reason..

"It's your turn to tell me, (F/n)." Eren pressed, his tresses of chocolate brown hair swaying slightly in the light breeze around you.

"Nowhere." You said simply, finding the irritated glare from Eren hilarious.

"We had a deal." He grumbled.

"Hey, I said the truth." You smirked.

"Hmph. Whatever." The brunette muttered. Suddenly, out of the blue, an idea formed in his mind; another lopsided grin replacing his scowl. "If you're going nowhere, then why don't you come with me? I think some of us need a change in the regular partnering."

Surprised at his offer you shook your head embarrassed, "I don't think that's a good idea..."

"Why?" He smiled, "I think you still owe me from last night."

You face met your palm when you remembered almost murdering Eren. A embarrassed flush spread across your cheeks. "Fine, I'll come with you. But I swear to God, I will _actually_ end you if you mention that again."

Eren smirked happily while you glared at him dangerously with a hint of red lining your cheeks still. Even if you probably would kill him in his sleep, Eren's stomach couldn't help but twist in knots seeing your pouty face. Before his face could form his own blush, he started to head over to the meeting place with you besides him.

*************************************

When Eren reached the decent sized clearing where all his friends sat, they were surprised at seeing an unfamiliar face trail behind him.

"It's the Pipsqueak!" Jean hissed, rapidly placing himself behind one of the taller boys, his head peaking out behind a beefy arm to glare suspiciously at you.

Shasha burst out laughing and choked on her bread, earning a few strange glances at the tall brunette.

"Hey guys!" Eren called, waving to the small group consisting mostly of boys. "I brought someone with me!"

"Isn't that the chick that threatened you, Pony Boy?" A muscular blond barked, craning his neck to look at Jean who hid behind him.

"Shut up Reiner." Jean muttered, still eyeing you warily. The blond chuckled and stepped to the side, completely exposing the other boy.

Your sharp, observant (e/c) eyes landed on him instantly and smirked wickedly, successfully scaring him again.

"This is (F/n), everybody." Eren said, pointing down at you. "I invited her to train with us."

"Hey, aren't you the girl from outside the walls?" A shaven haired boy asked after giving you a wave.

"Yeah.."

"That's so cool." The boy smiled. "Im Connie Springer, by the way!" He laughed, running up to you and slinging an arm around your shoulders.

You tensed at his touch and squirmed slightly, unaware of the jealous stare from the teal-eyed boy next to you.

"So, like, do you wanna be sparing partners, (F/n)?" He offered happily, giving your shoulder a playful squeeze.

Before you could answer, another voice answered. "Obviously not, Connie. You suck at sparing." Eren scoffed.

Connie pouted sadly, letting you slip from his hold. Yet, before you made it to freedom, you crashed head first into a firmly built chest.

Yelping in surprise you tripped over your own feet and would of fallen if strong arms hadn't caught you and pulled you back into balance.

Looking up, since he was much taller than you, you were met with a flirty grin and soft blue eyes. "Hey there." He purred. "Im Reiner Braun."

Pulling your arms from his grip you made a noise of surprise when Eren pulled you by the collar of your shirt and protectively stood in front of you. The small noise you emitted made another tight knot form inside him, a few certain others as well.

"You're scaring her, you bastards." He growled, his arm was held up to the perfect height in order to block your view of the pouting shaven headed boy and the built blond.

Annoyed, you tugged Eren's arm down and glared at him, you weren't a fragile little flower. Before you could spit something venomous out, your eyes spotted a particular blond boy chatting with a beautiful stoic girl with a red scarf and a very tall boy.

Smiling slightly, you slipped away quietly and padded towards Armin, earning a few confused stares.

"Hi Amrin." You said, albeit a little awkwardly. You weren't really one for human interaction, finding it hard to connect and feel somewhat comfortable around someone after what happened with Anthony.

A wide smile spread across his face and practically flew up from his seat on the ground. "(F/n)! I didn't know you were here! Where did you go last night? I couldn't find you.." He said, rubbing the back of his neck at the last part.

"Last night?" A questioning voice grumbled, Jean slinked nearer. "What happened last night?"

All eyes were directed towards Armin who blushed a cherry red from the slightly jealous glares.

"Armin and I were in the library. He helped me find some books and I think I fell asleep reading them.."

"O-oh!" Armin nervously chuckled. "I can't believe I left you there!"

You shrugged, feeling the eyes of the tall boy who still sat beside Armin's friend. You glanced at him, the boy barely making eye contact before looking away and blushing, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

"Well since she's such a Pipsqueak, she was probably covered by one of those dusty old things." Jean smirked, catching your eye.

You clenched your fist angrily and bit the inside of your cheek. Did this kid have a death wish?

Your glare was abruptly ended by a firm slap to the back, knocking the air out of your lungs. "Hey buddy!" Sasha laughed. "Come spar with me and Mikasa."               

She elbowed Armin and Jean out of the way and practically dragged you from the group of males, the raven haired girl following suit.

"Hey! I thought I was sparing with her!" Connie pouted.

"Hah, no way!" Jean laughed. "If anything the Pipsqueak should spar with _me_!"

Sasha rolled her eyes at the squabbling males. "Boys, Im I right?"

Confused you shrugged, why would they even want to fight over who got to spar with you? It's not like they couldn't take turns.

"Your name is (F/n), right?" The cool voice of Mikasa spoke.

You nodded and squeaked in surprise when she patted your head softly. She smiled slightly and glared at the fighting boys.

"Would you like to be my partner today, (F/n)?" She asked, stepping back into the cleared space and raising her fists defensively.

"Sure." You hummed, copying her actions, the familiar position as natural as breathing to you.

Sasha stood smiling from the sidelines and cheered you on, grabbing the boys attention, whose faces fell when they realized you weren't their partner. "Woo! Go (F/n)!"

You snorted at Sasha's cheering and barely sidestepped a swinging fist. Snapping back into focus you eyed the raven haired girl who stood at the ready.

Your eyes watched as her right arm twitch slightly and threw another punch, but you were ready. With hidden strength you snatched her clenched hand, twisted it outwards and brought he body weight towards you and made her nearly stumble to the ground.

But she was fast, so fast that your head was nearly smashed against Mikasa's knee cap. But you were faster. You quickly grabbed her from behind the knee and with your free arm you elbowed her chest, sending the taller girl to the dusty ground.

A few gasps from the boys and an excited Sasha could be heard but you ignored the noise, solely focused on the girl below you who hooked her foot into your shin and pulled. Hard.

As your foot was pulled out from under you, you let yourself fall backwards and allow your hands to support your weight in an arch and then nimbly kick your feet up over your body so they were in the air for a brief moment, and back to the ground. At the ready position once more.

Determined to win, Mikasa aimed for your stomach, which you blocked, leaving your other half defenseless. A sharp pain stung your jaw when she brought her left fist into play, taking full advantage of your exposure.

Ducking just before she could land another punch, your crouched form snatched the cuff of her sleeves and swung your legs over her arm and rolled to the ground so that her arm was ensnared between your leg.

Her face was pressed into the dusty floor after you brought her down with you. Mikasa gasped in pain at the position and squirmed slightly.

If you pressed any harder you could of broken her arm but you didn't fancy the idea of hurting her. You released her and stood with you back to her, brushing your hands together to brush off the collected dirt.

Sensing that Mikasa wasn't finished with you, you ducked, feeling the graze of her knuckles against the top of your head. You cocked your elbow up high enough to reacher her collarbone and with enough force that surprised nearly everyone, you sent her crashing to the ground once again.

Glancing up to your little group of spectators, they all stared in shock.

You had just taken down the highest ranking member of the 104th like it was the easiest thing in the world.

You sent their heart aflutter by your smirking lips when you caught their gaze, a few feet away from a dazed Mikasa.

"Who's next?"

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooo new chapter!! Things are really startin' to happen now. ;) 
> 
> Thanks for all the support as well! I appreciate it so much!


	10. Friends?

A few days had gone by after Eren invited you to join their training group that one afternoon and it later resulted in sending Jean to the medics for a possible broken nose.

You grimaced at the memory. You didn't break Jean's nose, but you still felt pretty guilty about the whole eblow-to-the-face ordeal and when you had apologized he laughed it off and gave you a friendly side hug, which you awkwardly accepted, not that you had a choice really.

Erwin had also cleared an old room for you over the few days, Thomas as well. His room was a bit far from yours, much to your distaste, but you still met up easily and walked everywhere together.

Since the time you've been here your black haired friend looked less like a starved and sleep deprived shell and more like an actual healthy human. The black bags under his eyes faded and his hollow cheeks filled in with a more natural color than previously. You liked seeing him like this, it made you feel like you did somethings right for once.

You on the other hand still looked rough around the edges. Your eyes still held a trace of a feral girl and you barely slept, nightmares plaguing each dream you received. They mostly consisted of Lark, a distant ache throbbed each time you thought of the willowy boy. You missed him, you missed his happy humming and soft brown eyes, you missed his tree sap and juniper smell, and most of all you missed his voice. You'd probably give up your left hand if you could see him again, yet you knew you'd never catch sight of Lark ever again.

You sighed sadly and rubbed your tired eyes, wrenching them away from the small necklace pooled in your palm that Lark had put in his bag for you. You rubbed your thumb over it fondly and carefully set it on top of the book on your nightstand.

Today was one of Thomas's assessments that determined if he could move on to more advanced techniques, and you were excited for your friend. Erwin had asked you if you'd help out with it, not specifying what exactly he wanted your help for. But you agreed anyways. You wanted to help Thomas any way you possibly could.

Lightly treading through the quiet stone hallways. you spotted a certain blond and teal-eyed boy chatting with Mikasa.

Eren's eyes spotted you instantly and waved. "Hey, (F/n)!"

You gave Eren a small wave and nodded hello to both Armin and Mikasa as you walked past the trio. You still weren't sure how you felt about making new friends inside the walls, their culture here was so different than what you had grown up with and to be honest, it frightened you a little.

It did feel kinda nice having more people to talk to other than Thomas, but it was still awkward. You felt out of place when you were with Eren and Armin's friends, they were all so persistent on gaining your attention that it got to the point you thought _all people_ inside the walls were like this. Much to the boy's disappointment, you mistook their flirty attitudes for kindness.                  

Thomas was doing fine with making new friends, completely at ease, which made you envy him slightly. It was beyond you how he had already made fast friends with a girl and a boy; twins you later discovered. Yet it was better than him hanging around Doctor Ramirez who was entirely too touchy for your liking.

You learned their names yesterday at dinner when Thomas had invited the twins over to sit at your table. The girl had beautiful platinum blond hair that was elegantly twisted in a french braid while the boy had his nearly white hair shaved on both sides with the longer patch on top of his hair smoothed back. Out of all the similarities they shared, their eyes were completely identical. Bright honey brown eyes ringed with gold and flecked with a deeper brown and streaked with a subtle white.

The girl had eagerly introduced herself and her brother as Talia and Warren Reece from the 105th squadron that had graduated very recently, first and second in ranking. You didn't really know what she meant but you assumed that must be some kind of training camp that fed into the military factions.

Warren didn't say much compared to his sister, content on just listening in on the conversation with an occasional word or two. You took a liking towards them both, much to Thomas's pleasure and you were oddly a little excited to see them again.

When you met them both you wanted to reach out to them for Thomas but whenever you tried to connect all that came out were choppy sentences and awkward mumblings. But somehow you weaseled your way into the twin's hearts with your odd quirks and gruff exterior and they understood you still needed time to adjust here.

When you stepped out of the doors, a blast of heat fanned your face and the bright sun greeted you, your name was called.

Squinting at the sudden adjustment of light you saw Jean waving his arm above his head while the other was cupped around his mouth. "Pipsqueak! Hey Pipsqueak!"

Your eye twitched at the nickname and folded your arms across your chest and glared at the boy who sauntered up next to you. "What."

"Just thought I'd say hello to the Pipsqueak." He grinned, giving you a flirty wink.

You scoffed and rolled you eyes and began walking again, Jean following. "Whatever."

You glanced up at the the two-toned haired boy and noticed a small cut on the painful looking purple and black bruise that spread across his thin nose.

You grimaced, "I-is, um, is your nose okay?" You asked, a bit unsure of yourself. Anthony had taught you to only look after your own self, but look at you now, pretty much asking a complete stranger if his nose was ok. His nose.

He smirked and gave you a sideways glance. "Well now that you mention it..." he contemplated, tapping his index finger against his chin. "It _does_ hurt."

"Oh."

Jean saw your face fall and stare at the dusty ground, tugging your lip between your teeth and nibbling it guiltily, as bad as his nose looked, it didn't hurt that much. Butterflies erupted inside his stomach at the small habit you had, if only it were his lip you were bitting...

*Ahrg! No!, Jean scolded himself. He couldn't think like that right now, especially with you standing right next to him.

"Hey," he laughed, swinging an arm around your shoulders. "Im kidding."

Your guilty look shifter faster than Jean could blink. You scowled and raised your first, and dug your knuckles into his ribs with force.

"FUCK."

Jean cried out in pain and jumped away from your smirking self, his heavy arm slipped off your shoulders, allowing you to spin on your heel and leave the wheezing boy behind without a second thought or a glance behind you.

"Bye Jean."   
*************************************

"(F/n)!" Dulcet tones called, catching your attention. "Over here!"

Talia smiled at you, her pearly white teeth were perfectly aligned. "Warren is with Thomas."

She ushered you to the two boys, Warren's athletic form stood still as a statue, eyeing Thomas's fidgety self.

"Stop moving so much." Warren said, his voice smooth and even.

"Sorry." Thomas mumbled to the taller boy, trying to calm his nerves before Erwin arrived. "It's just, I've only been doing this for, like, three days and Im scared something will happen."

Warren grunted and lazily glanced over to you and his sister, nodding in hello.

"(F/n)!" Thomas cried, pulling you over a little ways from the Reece twins. "Im going to fail."

You raised an eyebrow and scoffed, gesturing at the metal gear hanging against your hips. "Im helping you today, Thomas. I won't let you fail. Erwin asked me come here, for _you_."

His face dropped and gripped your shoulders, staring into your soul. "Im going to fucking _die_ , Little Kestrel."

"Tch. Don't say that." You hissed, shoving his chest. "You won't die, you're good enough to pass. And anyways, you got the hang of it already."

He grimaced and pinched the bridge of his nose and swore under his breath. "You aren't helping me, Kestrel. Erwin asked you and those two," he gestured to the twins who stared into the thick forest. "to _help_ me as in 'trying to make me fail' kind of heylp."

Your eyebrows furrowed and huffed in disbelief. "Yeah right."

"Well, he's not wrong, (F/n)." A baritone voice interrupted, making you jump in surprise as the strong jawed Commander clapped a hand on Thomas's shoulder.

The Reece siblings saluted respectfully and stood at attention for their Commander. Erwin quickly dismissed their salutes with a wave.

"Ive asked the Reece twins and you, of course, to help with Thomas's assessment today."

"Why does he need to be tested?" You asked, still fuzzy with details on why they made such an effort to train Thomas in such a short amount of time.

"Since he's too old to join the 106th trainees and lacking in necessary skills to join with the 105th or the 104th squadrons, he has to be personally tested to be placed within one of them."  Erwin explained, folding his hands behind his back.

"Why?"

"Because part of the deal with the Survey Corps having custody of yourself and Thomas, is that you must be registered soldiers that meet our standards."

"Oh." You muttered, a bit unhappy how stressful this was to Thomas. The boy was practically pulling out his hair.

Erwin gave you a small smile and started to explain the course and requirements that Thomas needed to make. You drowned out the sound, and subconsciously drifted over to Talia and Warren.

"Is that like a nickname or something?" Talia asked, her golden eyes curiously searching your face.

"What?"

"Little Kestrel," she said. "Is that a nickname or something? And also, where exactly do you come from? I overheard some people talk about some girl that came from over* Wall Maria and killed three titans with a knife. A knife!" She was nearly buzzing in excitement as she finished her sentence.

"Yeah." You said, a bit weakly. "That's me."

Talia's jaw dropped, even her brother looked a little surprised. "Im friends with a fuckin' badass!" She squealed suddenly, wrapping you up in her arms and twirling you in a circle, your feet leaving the ground as she spun.

You squeaked in surprise and tried wriggling out from her embrace, only escaping when Warren gave his twin a glare.

"Oops! Sorry (F/n)." She chuckled, "I can get carried away."

You grunted and brushed out your wrinkled cloak.

"Cadets!" Erwin shouted, facing the twins and your grumbling self. "Do you remember my instructions?"

"Yes Sir!" They said in unison, saluting and standing up straight and tall.

"Then go." He nodded, gesturing towards the forest.

Talia gave you a smile and slipped in the forest after her brother, the familiar clicks and whirs of the maneuvering gear sounding through the clearing as they left.

Thomas left five minutes later, a nervous smile being thrown your way before he also disappeared inside the greenery.

Erwin faced you, the forest quiet as the two of you stood alone. You stood still and waited for your task.

"The rules are simple, find Thomas before he finds a certain amount of targets before midday, got it?"

"Got it." You hummed, bringing the familiar gear to life. Before you shot off into the trees in search of Thomas.

"Good luck (F/n)."  
*************************************

For a boy who just started using 3DMG, he was fast.

Your world for the past half hour or so had been blurs of green and hints blue and yellow. It was a familiar rush, the dropping of your stomach each time you spun or shifted accompanied with a sense of freedom. You loved it.

Catching a flash of white and tan, you shifted your angles and watched Talia's nimble body fly around a tree and fly in another direction.

"Talia!" You called after her, rapidly gaining on the platinum blonde.

She glanced to her side and gave you a smile. "Hey, Little Kestrel!" She laughed, keeping pace with your flying bodies. "You really do have wings!"

You rolled you eyes and veered off to the side, Talia falling from view for a moment and then reappearing.

"As much as I love this, can we rest a bit?!" She yelled, swinging around a thick tree and balancing on a branch.

Hooking yourself on the thick trunk, you hoisted yourself up and crouched on a limb slightly below her. Talia inhaled deeply, calming her ragged breathing.

"Damn, (F/n)." She panted with a chuckle. "How are you not dying."

You shrugged and picked a leaf from you hair. "Practice."

"Care to elaborate?" She hummed, tilting her head to the side in question.

The end of your mouth twitched slightly and you looked away, your past filling your mind once again. You wanted to tell Talia, but you knew deep down if you told her she'd be disgusted by you. Terrified even.

You settled on giving her the least information you could before she started asking more questions.

You sighed and gave the girl the faintest of smiles. "I learned when I was seven."

The blonde, knowing she wasn't going to get a better answer than this, she nodded smiled. Best not pry anyways..

A silence fell over the both of you, the distant chirping of birds and rustling of leaves filling the empty quiet. You closed you eyes and inhaled deeply.

Talia watched you with curious eyes, noticing how calm you were here. It was nice seeing your face relax instead of that scowl you always wore.

Suddenly the familiar sound of approaching 3DM gear interrupted your little meditation and ripped Talia's attention away from you.

You short figure tensed and leaped off the tree after your eyes caught sight of the user. Thomas was still a bit wobbly, but had speed that could match Talia's.

Not exactly knowing what Erwin ment by 'finding Thomas' you traveled above him, the boy oblivious of your silent movements. He spotted another target in the foliage and sliced through the foam material. A near perfect slice.

Thomas glanced up, his mellow expression morphing into a grim one as he saw you.

Hastily he took a right, and then a left, another right, and two more lefts before you were practically on top of the boy. "Thomas, I caught you."

"No you didn't!" He screamed back, turning in a random direction to shake you off his back.

Groaning you reached out and grabbed hold of his flowing cloak, a minute too late when you realized how stupid you were in this particular moment in time.

A stupid idea really. A very stupid one.

You cried out in surprise as your shoulder was ripped out of place with force and sent you flying towards a tree, unable to gain control before you made contact.

You heard your name being yelled, but it all was a blur. Your side smashed into the hard surface of the tree and you crashed to the forest floor, a sharp, burning pain erupting all over.

The last image you saw before darkness consumed your sight, was the horrified face of Thomas.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eee!! Chapter ten! Woohoo! Thank you for all the support for this series! Also, if you have any ideas or suggestions for me, they are always welcome!


	11. Unspoken Feelings

"You're weak." She hissed, shoving your small body to the ground.

You whimpered and curled into a little ball. You were too tired and sore to get up and too afraid if you pushed yourself up she would beat you back down.

"Get up."

Raven's iron-like grip latched onto your arm and dragged your limp body back to your clumsy feet. Your head lolled to the side at the sudden rush of blood that filled your head and caused a dull pulsing in your temples.

Her sharp nailed fingers dragged your chin towards her, forcing your eyes to meet hers. The dull hazel burned into your own (e/c) with a glare of distaste.

The black haired woman scoffed and released you suddenly, causing you to stumble to your knees.

"It's a mystery why Anthony chose you out of all of us. You know, at first I thought he had a reason for choosing you, but now...Now I don't know if he's crazy or just fucking stupid."

You whimpered again and refused to meet her glare, eyeing her worn boots that paced angrily around you.

"You're a waste of space." She spat, bringing back the toe of her boot and giving you a harsh kick to your already bruised ribs.

You screamed and doubled over, tears dripping to the dusty floor when you doubled over in agony.

"You're supposed to be a weapon, not a tool, you fucking disgrace."

Raven took a handful of your hair and pulled your head back, her lips pressed into a thin line. You grit your teeth and stared straight ahead of you into the thick forest. You're only escape.

"Maybe, this time you'll learn." Raven hissed, bringing back her clenched fist. "Little Kestrel."  
*************************************

You woke with a start, the first thing that you registered was the shooting pain in your shoulder and the achy burn of bruised ribs.

Grunting in discomfort you sat yourself up slowly, noticing someone else was with you. Thomas's hand held onto yours tightly, hunched over your bed in sleep.

You smiled slightly and tapped his head. His dark eyes fluttered open, blinking a few times before realizing you were awake.

"(F/n)!" He cried, jumping up and throwing his arms around you. He smelled like the forest and faint perfume, probably Doctor Cinna's.

You gagged in your mind at the thought and hissed in pain when Thomas jostled your tender shoulder a bit too much.

"Thomas," you gasped. "That hurts."

"Sorry!" He said, eyes shinning with tears. "I-I thought you died." He sniffed. "W-when you hit that tree and didn't get up, I-I.."

You scoffed and ruffled his hair, like he always did to you. "You can't get rid of me that easily, Sparrow."

He sniffed again and smiled slightly at the use of his nickname. You never used it, preferring to call others by their actual names, not the ones given by Raven. It was just another thing you did to try and distance yourself from her, something to convince you that you were *nothing like her and Anthony.

Thomas sniffed again and caught your hand before it fell from his hair. "Im serious, (F/n)." His dark bottomless eyes held a glint of seriousness as they bored into your own. He gave your hand a squeeze. "You can't scare me like that. I don't know what I would do without you.."

You were touched by his words, tugging him into a rare hug even if your dislocated shoulder protested at your movements.

You'd never admit to it, but you felt complete with him here. Not in a romantic way, but in a way that if you lost each other it would feel like half of yourself were missing. He made you want to fight for your life, something you were grateful for.

You felt something wet against your good shoulder where the raven haired boy's head rested, and glanced down. Thomas's eyes were squeezed shut, trying to contain his tears but was failing miserably. You sighed and let him cry, not upset by the dark patch that formed on your shirt.

He took a few ragged breaths and sniffed a few times before sitting up, slipping from your embrace and wiping his eyes.

He let out an embarrassed laugh and shook his head. "Sorry."

"It's okay, Thomas." You said softly, a small grin forming on your lips. He nodded and chuckled.

"Heh, you should've seen the way Commanded Erwin reacted when Talia and I carried you out of there. He looked like he was about to kill someone."

"What?" You asked, scrunching up your eyebrows in confusion.

Thomas laughed and rolled his eyes. "He carried you all the way here and pretty much threatened anyone who touched you. Even Doctor Ramirez and Hanji!"

Grimacing at the mention of the doctor, you were half relived that Erwin didn't let her silly manicured fingers touch you and half mortified that Erwin had _carried_ you _and_ treated you himself. In _your bedroom._

"You look a little sick, want me to go get Doctor Ramirez?" Thomas asked worriedly as your face paled.

"NO!" You shouted, making the boy flinch out of surprise. "Uh, no, I mean, no. Im fine."

You slipped off the bed with some help from Thomas who still held a strange look, and shuffled over to your grey cloak that was neatly folded over a chair.

"Thomas, what time is it and how long was I asleep for?" You winced, moving slowly so the stabs of pain from your ribs didn't pierce you.

"You were out for a day and it's almost lunch." He responded, helping you tug Lark's cloak around your shoulders. "You also have a dislocated shoulder, bruised ribs and a bruised hip."

"Yeah, I noticed." You grunted, pulling back the collar of your shirt and finding deep purple bruising across the small expanse of skin.

Thomas winced at the discoloration, it reminded him when you were still under the control of Anthony and Raven. You'd always came back with bruises like this and it hurt him deeply knowing how much you endured each and every waking day under the abuse.

"Talia and the others are worried about you, (F/n)." Thomas mumbled, watching as you slowly lowered your body into the chair and felt around for your boots.

"What others?"

"You know, the 104th squadron, Warren, Talia...They seem to really like you." Thomas hummed, reaching for your boots and taking a knee in front of you. "Even the Commander looks like he's fond of you."

Thomas quickly slipped on both the knee-high boots and patted your calf. He knew you hated it when people helped you, but you weren't in any position to really protest at the moment.

You responded with a grunt and eyed Thomas who stood up and carefully hoisted you from the chair. You glanced away from Thomas, knowing exactly what he was going to say.

"You can make friends here, (F/n). Not everyone is out to get you and not everyone is going to leave you."

You shrugged. "Im trying, Thomas."

He smiled and ruffled your hair, making you scowl and swat his hand away from your now messy locks.

Suddenly, as Thomas opened the door, you stopped him.

"Wait! Thomas! Did you pass?"

A large smile cracked over his features and nodded. "Yup! Im in Warren's and Talia's squadron now."

You couldn't help but smile. "I knew you'd pass."

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Are you just gonna stand there or are you coming to lunch to celebrate with me?"

Excitedly you rushed out after Thomas(a bit slow because of your injuries), the smile never leaving your lips. Thomas had passed and you were elated by his accomplishment.

With a slight skip in your step you followed the laughing boy to lunch.

*************************************

The entirety of the 104th squadron and both the Reece twins sat quietly. Neither you nor Thomas had shown up the past day and a half and after Talia Reece had explained why after they called her over, the 104th were worried.

The same question floated through all of their heads; was she okay?

Recently a certain few boys had been feeling something deeper for you than just a schoolboy crush, making them even more apprehensive than usual. They already missed your strange accented voice, your prideful and fierce (e/c) orbs and (h/c) hair that shone with vibrancy and beauty. If you died...their hearts would be crushed into bits.

You were strong, everyone knew that, but being smashed into a tree at high speeds was something even the toughest of people could die from.

"She's going to be ok." Armin said, half to himself and half to the others to reassure himself.

Eren nodded, a blank look in his eyes that mirrored most of the others as they stared at their uneaten lunches. Sasha was the only one who could bare to eat right now.

"Maybe we could go visit her?" Connie pipped up, eyeing his distraught friends.

A few mumbled in agreement.

"Guys,she's not dead." Talia said with a sigh. "She'll be fine."

"Easy for you to say!" Eren shouted, jumping from his seat and slamming his hands on the table. "You don't have feelings fo-"

Eren cut himself off suddenly as a red blush stained his cheeks, he almost spilled his secret. A few boys eyed him suspiciously, filling in the words that Eren cut off.

They all glared, suddenly realizing they had a competitor. Eren coughed awkwardly and sat back down.

"Awww, Titan Boy likes (F/n)!" Sasha sang, spitting out crumbs of food and laughing along with Talia.

Talia giggled harder as the teal-eyed boy blushed harder and clenched his jaw in embarrassment. Warren rolled his eyes at the two girls.

"I do not." He mumbled weakly.

"Yeah, why would the Pipsqueak ever like Titan Boy?" Jean snorted, glaring at Eren.

Eren's nostrils flared and clenched his fist. "Well, she wouldn't like someone who looked like a horse, Horse-Face." He snarled angrily.

At that Jean stood and grabbed the collar of Eren's shirt, the common bickering starting once again. "She likes me _way_ more than you!"

"No way! She likes _me_ better!"

The rest of the boys; Connie, Reiner, Armin, and Bertolt all sat a bit uncomfortably as the fight ensued. They all wanted to join the argument in who you liked more but that would reveal their own feelings and cause even more problems.

Talia and Sasha were practically crying with laughter along with a giggling Krista and Yimr. Mikasa held a small smirk behind her red scarf. Warren glared at the two boys shouting and slammed his knife into the wooden table, making a few people jump.

Eren and Jean cast their glares over to the tall platinum haired boy who glared right back, emotionless as ever.

"Shut up."

They both did, surprisingly, and sat down still grumbling over the fact that they both liked you.

Sasha inhaled deeply and held her stomach from her laughter. "S-so you both like her?"

Jean and Eren looked away embarrassed, along with the other four boys. Sasha narrowed her eyes and squealed and clapped like she had just figured out the world's problems.

"YOU ALL LIKE HER!" She screamed, much too loudly for the males liking, a few heads turning in confusion at the 104th.

"Keep it down would you, Sasha?" Reiner hissed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Even you Bertolt?" Sasha chuckled, giving the fidgety giant a smile.

The green-eyed boy blushed cherry red and buried his face in his hands and nodded slightly, beads of sweat forming all over his body.

Before Sasha, who held an evil smirk on her lips, could continue to tease, the heavy wooden doors to the Mess Hall opened and there stood a smiling Thomas.

What all surprised them was the person who stepped out behind him.

It wasn't the slight limp you had, or the awkward way you held your injured arm, or even the small scratches that littered your face, but the wide smile that surprised them. Beautiful couldn't even describe how your smile looked and it surly brightened the whole room with ease.

Never had anyone seen you smile before now, and quite frankly, they all fell a bit deeper in what could possibly be love for you. When you felt the stares land on your face, your smile faltered a bit and changed into the ghost of one, much to the boy's distaste.

Talia was the first one to react and speed over to you, nearly tackling you to the floor. You cried out in pain and pushed her off and received a few worried looks, Jean and Eren pushing each other in haste to get to you first.

"Oh, (F/n)!" Talia said, guilty that she hurt you. "Im sorry!"

You waved off her apologies and quickly explained your injuries, even going as far as patting the taller girl's arm. Talia smiled and ruffled your hair.

"I was worried about you (F/n)." She sighed. "Im glad you're okay."

Before you could answer your friend, you were suddenly grabbed by the arm (thankfully your good one) and pulled into a very warm embrace. The mildly spicy and woodsy scent of cardamom filled your nostrils, giving the boy who hugged you away.

"Hi Eren." You mumbled into his chest, trying to relax in his strong, but gentle hug. You liked his smell and the heat that radiated from Eren gave you comfort.

He pulled away, even though he wished he could always have you in his arms and gazed at your slightly flustered features. Your bright (e/c) eyes still held that vibrant spirit within them, making Eren smile. You were so pretty...

Leaving no time for Eren to gawk at you, Jean pulled you away and tucked you underneath his arm, something he did a lot lately.

"Hey, Pipsqueak." He chuckled, making you roll your eyes.

"If my arm hadn't just been reset, I would punch you." You grumbled, smirking slightly as Jean pulled you closer to his chest. Unlike Eren's earthy scent, Jean smelt like the air just before rain.

A deep laugh reverberated through his chest at your threat. "Whatever you say Pipsqueak."

He led you away from a glaring Eren and smiling Thomas who was chatting with Talia and placed you between him and the bulky blonde named Reiner.

You sat down gingerly between the two males, feeling tiny compared to them. After all, you were only 5'1. Reiner gave you a wink.

"Hey (F/n)." He cooed, his golden eyes, much like the Reece Twin's but darker, flitted over to one of your cuts. "Those look like they hurt."

Out of instinct you reached up and brushed you fingers against one of the scratches on your cheek that Reiner glanced at. They stung if you pressed on them too hard but it wasn't anything you couldn't handle.

"They don't hurt too bad." You mumbled, picking at a loose splinter in the wood.

"Im glad you're  in one piece." The blond continued. "Your friend told us you smashed head first into a fucking tree."

You winced, remembering how the wind was knocked completely from your lungs and the dull and sharp pains from your bruised body. Trying to grab Thomas was one of the stupidest things you've ever done.

"The tree got in my way." You mumbled, the corners of your lips turning up into a smile.

Reiner started to howl with laughter along with Jean and a few others who heard you, making a strange bubbly feeling swell up inside you as they laughed.

You glanced at Thomas who made his way over to the table with two trays of food and grinned, Talia trailing after him.

He stood behind you and placed the tray of warm food in front of your and patted your head.

And then your mood fell as the overwhelming scent of rose reached your nostrils. The charlatan tones of the one and only Doctor Ramirez rang through your ears and you bit your lip angrily.

You watched as the pretty brunette pulled Thomas away and ushered him over to a more secluded area. You glowered angrily as the woman charmed him with fake words and smiles. You didn't know why she was so interested in him. She gave you a bad feeling and even if Thomas had reassured you that she was friendly, you went with your gut on this one.

Reiner, noticing your glare directed on the touchy doctor, leaned down close to your ear, catching the light smell of your shampoo and your scent.

"I don't like her either." He whispered giving you another wink.

You snorted and gave him a small smile that made Reiner's heart beat faster in his chest and a familiar feeling swirl inside his gut. As he watched you tuck a soft strand of hair behind your ear, oblivious of the jealous stares he received and sighed.

He was going to win you over and he wasn't going to let the other boys steal you from him.

Yet, the other boys, unbeknownst to Reiner, were thinking the exact same thing...

                                                      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry this chapter is so long! Or do you like them this long? Anyways...we finally got some feelings and a bit of past reveal! 
> 
> All of your support has been wonderful btw!! :) <3


	12. Stars

Sitting on the roof of the Survey Corps headquarters you inhaled the crisp air. It was a few hours until the sun rose, the bright stars still prominent against the inky canvass.

It had been awhile since you've stayed up this late. Back outside the walls you would always spend time gazing into the black abyss that was littered with white specks. This kind of darkness never bothered you though, this darkness comforted you.

Lark had always invited you to sit with him during sleepless nights and taught you the names of each and every constellation he knew of. Sometimes you'd both make your own name for one of the clusters if Lark had forgotten its actual name or just didn't know what it was called.

Your eyes sought out the tail of the Little Dipper and jumped to the middle between Cassiopeia and Polaris. Lark had pointed it out one night after the deaths of your friends. The friends that Anthony had murdered.

Lark couldn't see the stars very well anymore, but he pointed it out with accuracy and smiled.

"You see that, Little Kestrel?" He said. "That place is where all of our souls go after we die. And when all of your friends leave you, they'll wait for you and you'll be with them again."

"That sounds stupid."

"It may be, Little Kestrel, but it gives me hope."

"Why?"

"Because when I feel alone I can look up into the sky and remember Im not. Im not alone because all of the people I care about who left this world are up there waiting for me, and I remember that even if it seems like it's the end for me, I need to keep fighting. For them."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you will be alone in life sometimes and it's good to have something to believe in once in awhile."

  
You sighed and squinted harder at the spot that was devoid of light and wondered if Lark was there, watching over you. You hoped so. You hopped he was happy there, safe from all of the horrors and sadness of the world you lived in.

Sometimes you thought if it was better to just die and end the pain and suffering, but Thomas needed you and if that place Lark had talked about really did exist, you'd get an angry earful from him about how stupid you are.

You snorted and rested your chin against the divot of your knee and started to hum the familiar tunes that Lark had always sung. It didn't sound as sweet on your tongue like Lark, but it filled a small piece of your torn heart.

Lark had never sang the words that went along with the tune, but it didn't matter. It still held significance to you.

You shifted and felt a few of your joints crack from your lack of movement, reminding you of how long you've been sitting on the cold rooftop. It wasn't like anyone would notice if you were gone anyways, you were like a shadow.

Groaning from your stiff limbs, you stood and stretched.

You could probably use a few hours of sleep anyways. Erwin had finally assigned you to train along with Thomas's squadron after your bruises and dislocated arm had healed a little over three weeks ago and the constant whining that came from inactivity and boredom.

It was difficult working with a group when you were used to working solo for the majority of your life, which caused a few problems here and there. Your rugged personality didn't help much either and made you unapproachable.

You tried your best to try and connect with others, but it was pretty much impossible. You came from a world of backstabbers and killers, not one that handed out trust on a silver platter.

It was a mystery why Warren and Talia Reece has stuck around. But you enjoyed their company nonetheless. For some reason they enjoyed your dry remarks and gruff exterior. Maybe it was because Warren was similar to you and Talia was used to it. Whatever the case, you liked your two new friends. They made another reason for you to keep on going.

You silently stepped through the open window that you had cracked open earlier and landed softly on the cold stoned hallways. You winced when your landing made a small echo ricochet off the walls, standing stiff as a statue incase someone heard you.

After waiting for a moment or two you padded down the darkened hallways, humming softly to try and assure yourself nothing was going to grab you from the shadows. Your fingers drifted subconsciously to your hidden blade and made sure it was there.

You rounded a corner and froze abruptly when the sound of hushed whispers reached your ears. Slowly peaking around the corner your eyes searched for the source of the sound and spotted two figures.

You recognized Erwin's bulky figure but not the second one. The second one was short, taller than you, but still short. You squinted in the dark and slowly pieced together as to who it was. You remembered meeting him briefly. His dark aurora could be felt from where you were standing. Lance Corporal Levi, was it?

More whispers came from Erwin and you strained your ears to try and catch something. It was probably private, but oh well.

"Have you located him yet?" You heard Erwin speak.

A small click of Levi's tongue was heard. "No. The damn bastard is notorious for hiding this well."

Erwin sighed and you saw the shadow of his figure move to pinch the bridge of his nose. "This man is dangerous, Levi."

"Tch, I know. Why do you think I offered to find this piece of shit?"

You heard Erwin sigh again. "This case just gets more and more complicated each day. Are we even sure he's inside the walls?"

"No."

"Then why are we looking?" Erwin scoffed with a hint of irritation.

"Because I find it suspicious when a brat that's been missing since he was five suddenly shows up with a girl that claims he's dead."

You eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. Who were they talking about?

"I highly doubt what you're thinking, Levi. If she were part of this, she would have already done something."

Levi grunted and sighed. "I don't trust her."

"You don't have to, but don't make assumptions."

Although your curiosity urged you to stay and find out who and what the pair was talking about, your better judgement told you to leave before they caught you.

As silently as you could manage, you slipped back down the way you came and tiptoed out of earshot. Unfortunately for you, the place where they stood was the only way back to your room.

You swore and pressed your back against the wall in thought. Maybe you could bunk with Talia for the night... No, you didn't know where her room was. And Thomas's room was near yours, so that was out of the question.

You muttered angrily and stalked off towards the Mess Hall. It was the only decent place you could think of to sleep around besides the library, but the library was dark at night. Way too dark.

"Mess Hall it is then." You growled and soon reached the closed oaken doors.

You sighed and slowly pushed one open and gazed inside to inspect possible sleeping areas. It was weird seeing this place without people and unsettled you just a little bit.

You shrugged it off and slipped in. You made your way over to the table under the window, your usual spot during meals, and cocked your head to the side.

_Do I sleep on top of it? Or do I just sit on the bench..?_

Sighing, you placed yourself on the rough wood and scooted down so that your back rested against the wall. You draped your feet on either side of the bench, crossed you arms and leaned your head back. You shut your sleep deprived eyes and waited for the sweet embrace of unconsciousness.

Before long, your mind slipped into the state of sleep on the uncomfortable table.   
*************************************

"Do you think she's dead?"

"No, dumbass. She's sleeping."

"Why is she sleeping _here_?"

Currently, most of the squadron of the 104th and three certain others were surrounding your sleeping self curiously.

Your arms were folded across your body with your grey cloak covering your upper half, while your head was lolled to the side. Your mouth was slightly parted and mumbled out a few incoherent words that made Talia and Sasha giggle softly while the others fawned over how cute you looked. Not that they would ever admit to that...

"D-do you think we should wake her up?" Bertholdt mumbled, a slight blush present on his sun kissed skin.

"Awww, but look at how adorable she is!" Talia cooed, lightly poking your cheek.

Your mouth twitched and moved your head to the other side. Talia and Sasha started to giggle again.

"Why is she sleeping here?" Eren asked, observing your peaceful slumber. "Did she get lost or something?"

"No...I don't think so." Thomas hummed, the hint of a smile forming on his lips. "If she was lost she would've come to my room. She knows where it is."

A few jealous glances were thrown Thomas's way. Your closeness to the boy was something they definitely envied.

"Ehehe, she looks so weird without that grumpy look she always has." Talia laughed, pinching your cheeks, earning her a subconscious grumble from you.

"Talia leave her alone." Armin sighed, a bit annoyed at Talia for disrupting your calm features.

The platinum blonde gave him a playful grin and went back to playing with your peaceful face. And suddenly she let out a high pitched squeal that made a few of the boys jump in alarm.

Your fingers were clenched tightly around Talia's wrist, your now very awake (e/c) orbs burned into her own.

"I swear to you Talia Reece, that if you don't stop pinching my cheeks I will personally throw you off the walls."

Talia retracted her hands and rolled her eyes. "Eh, sorry. You're just so cute when you're sleeping! I couldn't help myself."

You scowled and swatted away her hand that reached for your cheeks again. A faint rouge spread across your face when you noticed the ring of boys around you.

"Mornin' sunshine." Reiner winked after catching your eye and reaching over to ruffle your hair.

"Why did you sleep here?" Eren asked, sliding in the seat next to you, a quizzical stare in his teal eyes.

Memories of the strange conversation you over heard last night flooded to the front of your mind. It was probably best not to tell them why you had spent the night in the Mess Hall, midnight conversations never really were for others to hear.

"I got lost."

Thomas narrowed his eyes slightly at your placid face. You were an exceptionally good liar, but knowing you for years allowed him to see right through you.

Before Thomas could say anything about your little fib, Talia ushered you away to grab some food.

As you were dragged away from the small band of boys, various colored orbs watched your every move with what Thomas could describe as puppy-love.

His eyes widened as he suddenly realized why they were so focused on you.

"Oh my God. You're in love with my best friend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Im going to try and add more idvidual chapters for each boy x you, and then get more in depth of your past and such. Also, Im sorry I haven't added Hanji, Levi, and Erwin a lot lately. They will come in later! I promise!!!


	13. Thunder

Talia, Warren, and you had left after breakfast, leaving behind a smirking Thomas and ashamed looking boys of the 104th. Why they looked like Thomas had just found out their deepest darkest secret was beyond you, and frankly you didn't care. Boys were weird.

Warren walked next to you after grabbing your 3DMG gear and stepping outside in the blasting heat; the silent boy paced himself so he could match your speed. His eyes that matched the golden hue of amber wandered around the grounds, spotting the rest of his squadron and glanced down at you.

A bit unnerved by his intense stare you twirled a piece of your cloak. "What."

"You lied." He said simply, and set his eyes on Talia's back who was a few paces away.

"So?"

Warren shrugged, possibly going to say more than those two words, but was interrupted by his sister who turned back and snatched both of your arms.

"You both walk so slow. Hurry up." She laughed.

Talia's platinum blonde braided hair bounced behind her and turned her head, flashing you her perfect smile. You had no idea what made her so enthusiastic and joyful about everything, but you would never criticize her. There wasn't enough hope in this world and crushing Talia's would make you a monster.

Reaching the group of four, (Talia told you how there were more but some went to the other factions or were busy doing something else), the happy chatter dwindled once they saw who accompanied the Reece Twins.

To them you were strange.

Not like you ate bugs for lunch 'strange', but strange because you were different from any kind of person they has met. It wasn't that they hated you it was just, something was off about you and no one knew exactly what it was. Maybe it was the fact you had killed three titans with a simple knife, or maybe because you came from beyond the walls and had a peculiar accent. Whatever it was, they didn't like it.

On one particular day, when your shirt rode up around your waist during training,  it revealed a very nasty, jagged looking scar that traveled from your left hip and ended just above your navel.

The scar its self didn't bother you, it was the memories that accompanied it.

When an onslaught of questions from the curious cadets and the surprised and worried faces of your friends, it triggered the memories you tried so hard to keep buried deep inside your mind.

It was only a matter of time before you snapped, and it just so happened to be that day.

It wasn't until later, when you woke up in your own bed with Talia, Warren, and Thomas at your bedside, that you realized you had passed out.

"You started screaming about something or someone, (F/n)..." Talia had whispered to you, a gentleness in her amber eyes. "Y-you looked like someone was going to kill you."

That was the night you told them both your past. It felt as if a heavy weight was lifted from your chest as you told your closest friends of all the horrors you've lived through. All of it from Lark to the 'special selections' by Anthony and Raven and the destruction of your home. You sparred them from a few gruesome details, but the majority of it, you spilled.  You expected them to be disgusted by who you actually were and what you've done, but they understood and made a silent vow to watch over you in a way, not bothered in the slightest.

You noticed a slight shift in your friendship after that night. Talia became more protective and overbearing and barely let you out of her sight. Warren had also shown more of an acknowledgement towards your well being, not that you could you really tell by his unreadable visage, yet you noticed the subtle things he did. He sat closer to you during meals and shot glares at anyone who wandered too close and kept his eyes on you when you drifted too far from him, Talia, or Thomas. He even pushed you to eat when you skipped on meals, sometimes bringing some bread or soup to your room later. It was sorta nice being taken care of for once.

"You brought her again?"

A voice snapped your attention back to the present from your wandering thoughts, and glanced up at the boy who spoke.

The kid's name was Isaac Klemens, who had sardonic brown orbs that eyed you with contempt, partnered with a sneer. His nose was long and tilted downwards, much like the beak of a bird and looked out of proportion on his angular face.

From the corner of your eye you saw Talia's jaw twitch. She ranted about this kid constantly, and from the few times you encountered Isaac you agreed wholeheartedly with your friend.

"Yeah, I did." She said through clenched teeth. "Do you have a problem with that, Isaac?"

The boy narrowed his eyes and shut his crooked chapped lips before uttering a weak. "No."

"Good." She hissed at him, her eyes grazing over the three others that stood a little ways behind him.

Clarisse Ivona, Codi Demarco, and Sorren Black shifted uncomfortably when Talia's gaze swept over them with a challenge in her eyes, daring them to say something. She wasn't first in her squadron for nothing...They respected her, more so than they did Isaac, but Isaac was a snake in the grass and would do anything it takes to keep his 'friends' in line, manipulating them to his will.

There had already been more than one incident involving broken gear and poisoned water after someone pissed off Isaac. Of course no one dared to report him, fearing he would come after them.

"But." The boy continued, sauntering closer to Talia's tense figure with a sleazy grin. Warren eyed the boy warily, shuffling closer to his twin. "I personally think that savages like _her,_ should be locked up. Especially after that little freak-out she had the last time."

You bit your lip harshly, tasting blood, and gave the boy a glare so fierce you were surprised he still stood. You clenched your fists, your nails indenting crescent shapes on the flesh of your palms and pushed down your boiling temper.

" _Excuse me_?" Talia seethed, stomping up to Isaac and grabbing the collar of his shirt. " _What_ did you just say?"

Isaac smirked. "I said, she should be locked up." He popped the 'p' and let out a dry laugh when Talia shoved him away harshly.

Warren grabbed Talia's arm and held her securely in case she decided to lunge at the boy, which would be a very likely possibility if you knew hot-headed girl. She was like dynamite, easily sparked and explosive, while you were a ticking time bomb. Easily annoyed, but hard to push over the edge.

The trio behind Isaac threw nervous glances between them, unsure of what they should do. The three wanted to agree with Talia, but knew better than to cross Isaac and his schemes.

"YOU DISGUST ME!! You should be with the Military Police, not here! At least with them you would be around your own kind; snakes and rats!" Talia screeched, trying to shake off her brother that held her tightly.

Isaac crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes into angry slits. "At least I don't hang out with crazy girls who follow me around like a lost puppy."

Any restrain that you had left inside you, snapped. He took it too far. If he thought you were a savage might as well show him. In the blink of an eye you landed a swift, heavy punch to the boy's  soft stomach. He grunted in pain and doubled over, holding his stomach. Before he could recover from the blow, you brought your knee up and connected the side of his face with your kneecap, a loud _crunch_ sound as his nose made contact.

Swearing loudly, he dropped to his knees and held his dripping nose. Isaac's muddy brown eyes glowered over his bloody hands, meeting your own (e/c) that swirled with rage.

Lifting himself from the dusty ground, he stumbled over and swung a clumsy punch, which you easily avoided. When he tripped past you, your elbow bit into the center of his back and he crumpled.

No where near finished with the boy, you delivered a harsh kick to the side and turned him back over to his back. Bending over quickly, you gripped fistfuls of his shirt and pulled him close to your face, close enough so that he could feel your hot, ragged breath on his face and watch your dilated pupils constrict into even smaller circles. "I am _not_ a lost puppy." You fumed, voicing out each word in emphasis. "And stay the _hell_ away from my friends, you worthless shit."

Your eyes burned into his own with untamable rage and dropped Isaac to the ground with a scoff. His back hit the ground roughly, a small 'oof' escaping his lungs. 3DMG training would have to wait. No way in hell would you be training with this piece of shit near you.

You glanced at Talia and Warren, the pair falling silent after your fist connected with Isaac. A flicker of uncertainty coursed through you and the flame of boiling anger dissipated rapidly.

 _What did you_ do _, (F/n)? I'm so fucking stupid. I ruined it. My friends hate me._

Backing away from the shocked expressions of the group, you spun on your heel and ran, ran before they caught you.

After all, running was the only thing you could do without screwing it up...

***********************************************************************************************

it was after dark and you still hadn't come back to headquarters. Worry and guilt had begun to nibble at Talia's insides. She should have gone after you and then she wouldn't be in this mess.

Talia still hadn't told Thomas who sat oblivious and happy in front of her, the only other one who knew about your disappearance was Warren and he had gone out looking for you around the grounds awhile ago. She chewed her bottom lip until it bleed, tasting the coppery taste and unintentionally stared at Thomas as he ate, deep in thought.

"Something wrong?" Thomas hummed, quirking a dark eyebrow. His friend had been staring intensely at him every since he sat down and started eating. It made him a bit self conscious and werided out. Is there something on his face?

Talia snapped out of her stupor and shook her head vigorously. "Nope. Nothings wrong, nothing at all!" She gave him an awkward laugh and glanced expectantly towards the door, beginning to bounce her leg.

Thomas narrowed his eyes and lowered his spoon into his bowl. Talia was obviously lying, her jittery nerves and golden eyes that flitted away to the door every five seconds didn't help her case. "You suck at lying, Talia." Thomas huffed. "Just tell me what it is. And does it happen to be something involving (F/n)?"

Talia froze for a moment before hastily shaking her head and avoiding Thomas's eyes. "No..."

 _Bingo_.

"So, it has nothing to do with (F/n)?" Thomas smirked, leaning forward and placing his chin atop his upturned palms.

"No, I don't know, maybe." Talia mumbled, her leg bouncing up and down faster.

"Mhmm," Thomas purred, catching Talia's flickering gaze. "If I go to (F/n)'s room will she be there?"

Thomas made a move to stand, making Talia bolt to his side of the table and hold out her hands with a panicked expression. "NO! I mean, yes, she's there. But, um, she's sick, so, yeah! We can't visit her!"

Talia's sudden shout and quick movements caught the attention of a few certain people, most of them now realizing you were not with your best friends like you usually were. Talia's anxious visage and jittery form created a minuscule amount of worry flicker inside the 104th's guts.

Thomas rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and sighed. "Natalia Reece, I swear to god. Tell me where the fuck (F/n) is or I'm finding her myself."

After a moment of silence from the girl, her mouth set in a tight line, he stood and tried to shove past her. Talia squealed and pushed her hands against his chest and tried to force him back to his seat. Thomas grunted and pushed harder; Talia wasn't budging.

"NO! SHE'S FINE, I SWEAR!" The platinum blonde cried out, digging her toes into the ground, refusing to let Thomas pass her.Now all attention was placed on the pair who pushed against each other. Now they really worried.

Before Thomas could voice his protest, a burly blond by the name of Reiner clapped a heavy hand on Talia's shoulder. She let out a small 'eep' and released the pressure on Thomas who stumbled forward and would have nearly fallen if a particular two-tone haired boy didn't catch the the back of his shirt. Talia looked like she was about to faint, her naturally ruddy complexion fading into a pale white. Being surrounded by her superiors, and not just any of her superiors, but the famed 104th squadron.

"So," Reiner hummed. "What's this about (F/n)?"

Before Talia could stop herself, her secret spilled from her lips like an overflowing waterfall. "(F/n) may or may not be sorta missing."

Thomas's face contorted into horror. "What?"

Talia bit her lip and her gaze swept over the various male faces that equally shared the same look that Thomas donned. Eren Jaeger stepped a few paces closer, a glare present in his teal-green eyes after his initial shock. "You _lost_ her?"

Talia shifted her weight from one leg to another and glanced down at her feet as a red blush spread across her cheeks in shame.

"This isn't Talia's fault." A very monotonous voice called.

All eyes traveled over to the lean figure of Warren Reece who stood in the doorway. He was soaked to the bone, his wet clothes dripping onto the stone floor and making a small puddle beneath him. Luckily for him, he didn't track any mud in or a certain short Corporal would have his head.

"What happened to you?" Connie snorted, gesturing to the boy's drenched self.

A very loud _boom_ and the silent answer of lighting gave Connie his reply, startling a few of the boys and Talia.

"I have to find her. Shit. _Shit_. I need to find her." Thomas mumbled, practically pulling his hair out and rushing through the door in haste. Rain and the dark didn't mix well for anyone, especially you.

"Thomas wait!" Talia cried after him, stepping past her brother and following in his wake, leaving the others behind her.

"I don't know about you losers, but I'm gonna go find (F/n)." Jean said, brushing past a dripping Warren.

"I'm gonna find her first, Pony Boy!" Eren shouted, tripping over himself in a rush to catch up to Jean.

"First one to find (F/n) gets to spend a whole day with her!" Reiner shouted suddenly, shoving Connie's face back to push himself forward and out the door.

The hunt was on and none of the boys were willing to give up on a whole day with you, and only you. You were _theirs_ and they'd be damned if another got to you first. It was a whirlwind of grabbing hands and shoving as they barreled down the hallway in search of you.

When the boys of the 104th, the girls soon following out of concern for you, the dinning hall was quiet. The other cadets rolled their eyes and started to continue their interrupted conversations. It wasn't their issue that you were missing, and they weren't about to make it their problem either.

What the others didn't notice was the three who still sat. Erwin, Levi, and Hanji all stared after them. Erwin frowned and glanced out the window, another crack of lightning igniting the dark sky. If he knew anything about you, he knew you'd be in the forest if you were missing.

Levi scoffed and sipped his tea in the odd way he does, and studied Erwin's face. His mouth was set in a straight line while his cerulean blue orbs slowly filled with distraught. "Don't fucking tell me you're gonna make us look for the shitty brat too."

Erwin's stare traveled down to meet Levi's flat grey eyes and gave him a sympathetic smile. Hanji giggled beside Levi and shook his shoulder enthusiastically. "Aw, c'mon, Levi! It'll be fun!"

"Looking for a brat in the freezing cold rain does not sound like fun, Shitty Glasses." Levi snorted, taking another sip of his tea. "Besides, all of those morons are looking for her anyway. She's probably in her room or some shit."

In all honesty, Levi was annoyed by all this talk of you. Ever since you had showed up, everything was about you. (F/n) this and (F/n) that, it irksome and Levi didn't get the whole recent obsession with you. You were just another shitty brat with some skill.

"I know this is a big favor, Corporal," Erwin sighed, standing and pushing his chair in. "But I really would appreciate it if you would help me look for her."

Levi glared into Erwin's pleading orbs, finding a look of desperation and worry beneath all of the layers. He swore angrily under his breath and stood as well. "Fine."

A grin cracked over Erwin's lips. "Thank you Levi."

Levi grunted in response and was immediately ushered out by a squealing brunette. "Yay! The Shortie is joining the competition!"

"Tch, what competition?"

***********************************************************************************************

The rain pounded against your back. You were beyond drenched; the water felt like it somehow seeped through your skin and made a home inside your bones, freezing every joint and muscle alike.

You had gotten lost a while back after storming away from your friends, deciding to turn back and apologize. Yet, when you came back after stalking around headquarters, they were gone and so was Isaac and his friends. It didn't seem like a bad decision to practice your skills by yourself in the silent forest, but when you felt the first drop of rain on your cheek you knew you were screwed.

Although the rain was part of your multiplying problems, the looming fact that you were hopelessly lost was your main concern and drove you harder to find your way back to HQ. You blinked furiously as the chilly rain dripped over your eyelashes and into your (e/c) orbs. The inky darkness made it nearly impossible to see, your form narrowly avoiding the trunks of trees.

You didn't want a repeat of last time and landed on a branch, wiping away the beads of water that dripped down your jaw. Violent shivers wracked through your body. You pulled your soaking cloak closer to your body, trying to preserve any shred of heat you could.

You closed your eyes and sighed. At this rate you would be a human popsicle. Even if it was safer to stay put on the branch and wait out the storm, you weren't keen on freezing to death. The wind picked up, the howling tones whistling through the trees like the haunting call of a wolf. The rolling boom of thunder reverberated overhead and shook the tree you perched on.

Startled, you slipped off the branch and shot your hooks into nearby tree and spun off into a random direction, the flash of lightning illuminating the area for half a millisecond before it went back to black.

As you propelled yourself forward the sound of a sputtering engine rang through your ears, turning your already frozen veins even colder.

Your heart leapt to your throat as you fell like a stone towards the forest floor. 

 _This is it._ You thought. _This is the day I die._

Time always seemed to slow when you're falling. In seconds you would hit the ground, your throat constricting that you could hardly draw a breath and closed your eyes. The feeling of your stomach doing flip-flops abruptly stopped, a grip that felt like iron halting your falling self.

You slowly opened your eyes, expecting pain from the ground that was meters below you, and gazed upwards. The flash of light lit up and the sky and revealed your savior. 

 _Corporal Levi._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh! Sorry for the lack of updates! But we finally got some Levi in here ;)


	14. Fever Dreams

When Erwin had asked Corporal Levi to look for you, he thought he meant _inside_ the castle.

Yet here he was, already drenched from just taking a simple step outside. He shot a glare at the taller man next to him. "This brat better be worth freezing my ass off, Erwin." He grumbled, pulling up the hood of his dark green cloak.

"(F/n) is probably in the forest. I want you to search a part of it while me and Hanji search other parts." Erwin ordered, ignoring Levi's previous statement and trudged father into the mud.

Levi sneered in disgust at the muck that stuck to the sides of his boots. Hanji giggled at his obvious distaste and pulled him along after their Commander. "Let go of me, Shitty Glasses."

"C'mon, (F/n) is probably a human popsicle by now!"

Levi rolled his eyes. "What does everyone see in that brat? She's not that great."

Hanji raised an eyebrow, a sly grin forming on her lips. "Ohoho, is someone jealous?"

The Corporal scoffed and ripped his arm from Hanji's hand. "No."

"Ahuh." The brunette snorted in disbelief. "I think you're jealous because (F/n) is the talk of the town, not you."

"I am _not_ jealous of a shitty brat who has some skill. I don't see what the big deal is."

The Corporal saw Erwin glance behind his shoulder, a slight hint of disapproval inside his eyes, but quickly gazed ahead once more when their eyes met.

"You just haven't gotten to know her yet, Levi! (F/n) is such a great girl!"

Levi didn't respond, letting the conversation drop off into silence. The muddy trek continued on like that until they reached the dense forest. Lighting flashed in the sky, followed by the rumbling thunder. Levi swore it started to rain harder, the chilly drops seeping through to his skin, making him numb.

"If you find (F/n) bring her back to base." Erwin commanded, turning to the left side of the forest and releasing his hooks into the trees, soon disappearing from sight.

On the right, Hanji did the same and left Levi by himself. He stared into the dark, looming forest and grumbled out some complaints. Soon he was moving through the forest with speed and ease. His grey eyes squinted in the dark and the heavy rain. How the hell was he supposed to find you if he could barely see?

It had already been almost an hour and Levi was tired of looking. But as if Lady Luck was on his side tonight his steely eyes caught the slight movement of a small mass huddled on a tree. Not sure if it was a wild animal or a human being, he landed a few meters away and watched.

A loud boom of thunder reverberated the air and the small blob on the tree shot away with the familiar whir of machinery following. But suddenly she was falling much too quickly, her hands reaching for anything to break her fall.

Springing into action, Levi sped up to you and buried his hooks into a near by tree and swooped down. His hand snatched your arm, his fingers wrapping around your wrist like an iron shackle. The heaviness of your body and the added weight of the maneuvering gear jarred his arm, his teeth clamping down on his lip harshly from the jolt of pain.

When your eyes slowly opened and looked skyward, another flash of lighting ignited the sky and illuminated your face. From what Levi saw, your (e/c) orbs were alight with a hint of panic from falling, but mostly filled with surprise when you saw him.

"You're a stupid brat." He hissed, readjusting his body so that he could grab you with both arms instead of one.

You scowled and let him hoist you up on a thin tree branch. "It's not my fault it started to rain." You muttered, trying to put some distance between Levi's suspended form and you. His sharp grey orbs eyed you from head to toe, noticing how violent shivers raked through you, your lips tinged blue from the chilly rain.

An odd urge to wrap you in his arms came over him, but he quickly shoved the thought far from his mind. Levi didn't know you, only having one short conversation ages ago. And so far he didn't even fucking like you, you caused more trouble than you were worth, so why did he feel the need to take care of you?

"You're going to freeze to death."

"Yeah, no shit." You hissed, hugging yourself for heat. "If you're going to just hang there and state the obvious, you might as well _leave._ "

Your fiery words surprised Levi and made the corner of his lip twitch in amusement. "You need help."

"Fuck off. I can walk back." You growled, turning away angrily from him, much like a child would. "I don't need your help."

 _Great. A stubborn one_. He thought bitterly. He didn't have time for your childish tantrum right now. Quickly he grabbed your waist and pulled you off the branch, making you wriggle and screech in protest. "Let go of me!"

He grunted in surprise when your fist landed on chest. It didn't necessarily hurt since the chill of the rain numbed his skin, but it shocked him enough to nearly lose his grip on you.

You shrieked when he almost dropped you and out of instinct, wrapped your legs tightly around his waist and gripped his shirt tightly.

The irate man glared down into your soaked (h/c) hair that rested just below his chin and muttered under his breath. "If you didn't fucking move so much this would be easier."

"I don't want your help." Came your muffled reply, still refusing to unlock your legs from around his narrow waist.

"Tch. You don't have a choice."

"Yes I do." You growled, deciding to suddenly letting go of Levi's waist and quickly grab on to a branch below you.

You crouched down and stared up at the man with a smug look.

"Get your ass back here." He snarled, releasing his hooks and making another grab for you.

You avoided him easily and made a jump to a neighboring tree. Not looking back, knowing if you did the Corporal would be right behind you; you leapt to another tree. For the split second you were in the air, a strong arm wrapped around your stomach, knocking the air from your lungs. And then you were flying through the forest, draped over his arm like some kind of rag doll.

"Are you always this stupid?" Levi asked dryly above you, pulling you up so that your head was now near his sternum so your head wasn't facing the darkened and blurred ground anymore.

As much as you wanted to wiggle out of his arm, you didn't find the idea of falling to your death that appealing. Plus...he was warm. Like, really warm.

Maybe it was because your own body was the temperature equivalent to an iceberg and and any form of heat was instantly absorbed, but it urged you to stay still (besides you chattering teeth) and let Levi carry you. The heat of is body and the lull of rain put you right to sleep, even if you tried to fight it off. The numbing effect of the chill also dragged you into unconsciousness, your tired mind not realizing this was an effect of hypothermia, a silent killer..

Levi glanced down at your suddenly quiet but still shivering form, rolling his eyes when he realized you had fallen asleep. You were ridiculous. First you refused his help and now you were sleeping on his chest.

_Uhg. I don't know what Erwin sees in you.._

In a mere thirty minutes he landed softly on the ground, taking care not to wake you and carefully moved you so that he carried you bridal style. You groaned quietly in your sleep from the movement, your eyebrows knitting together for a fraction of a second then went lax. The rain that fell on your features dripped down from your forehead to your jaw.

You looked a bit dead, if Levi was being honest. Your cheeks were drained of color and your lips were a glacial blue, and you still shivered violently. Not knowing what came over him, he shucked off his cloak with one arm and draped it over you.

His cloak was wet but it still held some heat from his own body and created another layer from the ice-like rain. He walked as quickly as his legs could carry him to the main entrance of the castle, his boots covered in mud now.

When he saw his destination he increased his speed, almost running to the warm castle. Levi spotted Hanji's form talking to Erwin, her arms crossed and her lips in a tight line.

"Hanji!" He called out in the rain, gracefully bounding over.

The brunette's head snapped over in the direction of her name being called and smiled. She saw the little bundle in Levi's arms and rushed over to him, meeting the Corporal a few steps inside the doors.

Hanji pulled back what she assumed was Levi's cloak and took a peek at your shivering body. You were practically blue!

"Hypothermia." Hanji mumbled, sliding her arms beneath your back and knees, pulling you from a reluctant Levi. "Why didn't you keep her awake?!"

Erwin bit his lip in worry as Hanji rushed you away from the Corporal and Erwin.

Levi sighed and felt around for his cloak as a small chill traveled down his spine.

_Damnit._

"The brat has my cloak."

*****************************************************************************************************************************************

Hanji rushed down the hallways in urgency, bumping past a few people in her hurry. It was probably just a mild case of hypothermia, but it could still be deadly if she didn't treat it soon. And plus, you had fallen asleep which could cause some possible issues if you weren't woken.

"Squad Leader!" A voice yelled after her. Hanji's eyes caught the flash of blonde and black.

"I don't have time, Armin, Bertholdt!" Hanji yelled, shoving them aside. The medical wing was close, just two more turns and you would be fine.

You had to be.

"I-is that (F/n)?" Hanji heard Bertholdt mumble to his friend.

Once Hanji reached the medical wing, she quickly placed you on one of the various beds and tore off Levi's cloak, as well as your own and lifted your limp arms above your head. Hanji had already disconnected the heavy machinery from the hooks on your thighs, so the only thing to remove were the tricky straps and wet clothing. Not having enough patience for salvaging your harnesses, she took the knife you always kept on your side and unsheathed the sharp blade. Hanji cut through the leather with ease and tossed your knife away, hearing it clatter on the stone floor. Her nimble fingers grabbed the hem of your shirt and pulled it over your head, revealing your lightly toned skin that was tinged a very light blue in some areas.

"(F-F/n)."

Hanji turned and locked eyes with Bertholdt's wide green orbs, along with Armin in the doorway. "If you're gonna be here, help me!" Hanji ordered, rushing over to the other beds and ripping off the covers. "Wake her up."

"What?" Bertholdt asked, stepping farther into the room.

"Wake her up and _keep_ her up, Bertholdt!" Hanji said, gathering up as many blankets as she could and turning to Armin. "You. Armin. Get her some dry clothes."

Armin nodded and rushed out the door, his eyes lingering on your exposed skin for half a second before sprinting down the hallways with a dark rouge splashed across his cheeks.

Bertholdt stumbled over to you as Hanji pushed your limp form into a sitting position and tugged off your boots and then your soaked pants. You groaned weakly as your body slumped to the left. Bertholdt blushed a very bright shade of red and embarrassedly looked up to the ceiling. As much as he wanted to look at your exposed body right now, he didn't want it to be like this. Besides, what if you woke up and you saw him staring at you like some kind of perv?

"Bertholdt!" Hanji snapped, gesturing to you while she rushed into a supply closet across the room.

Bertholdt nervously crawled on the bed and gently turned your unconscious face towards him. "(F/n), wake up."

No response.

"(F/n)!" He said, tapping your cheeks. "Wake up!"

You mumbled something incoherent but didn't wake up. Bertholdt shook you lightly and called you name again, slipping his hand under your jaw. "(F/n), please wake up." He mumbled, shifting his other hand to brush back a strand of damp hair behind your ear. "Please?"

You (e/c) eyes fluttered open for a moment before sliding shut. Bertholdt shook your shoulders again, your eyes lazily opening with a blank look.

"Hey, (F/n)." Bertholdt whispered, his heart fluttering in relief. "Hey, look at me."

Your lips tried to form words as your eyes drifted to Bertholdt's face. His features were slightly blurry but his olive green eyes were clear and vibrant. 

"Bertholdt?" You croaked, your soft tones made the tall boy's stomach erupt with butterflies.

"Yeah, that's me." He said, brushing back more hair from your forehead lovingly.

"Im tired." You mumbled, closing your unfocused eyes, letting your head loll to the side, the cold muddling your mind. This could be a dream for all you knew.

"I know, but you have to stay awake ok?" The black haired boy said, patting your chilled cheek. "(F/n)."

"Hm?"

"Open your eyes. Please?"

You groaned but obeyed. "Why?"

Too caught up in your gentle orbs, the nervous boy was lost for words. You were so pretty. Your soft lips were parted ever so slightly, your warm breath lightly fanning across his wrist. Bertholdt struggled to restrain himself from planting a kiss on your parted mouth, it would be so easy...

"Move over, Fubar." Hanji ordered, startling the poor boy, her arms filled with heated water bottles.

Bertholdt jumped off the bed with a dark red blush spreading from the tips of his ears to the base of his neck.

He watched Hanji wrap the bottles in the thick covers and place them under your armpits, between your thighs, and the crook of your neck, and used the remaining blankets to bundle up your shivering body.

No more than a minute later, Armin burst through the door carrying a plain white undershirt and dark brown pants.

 _Those are probably his clothes._ Bertholdt thought, jealousy seeping through him as he watched the blond boy hand off his clothes to Hanji who nodded in thanks.

When the warmth of the water started to heat your skin you cried out in pain and tried ripping them away.

"It hurts! Please stop! It hurts!" You yelled, weakly attempting to push Hanji away when the brunette pined your hands down to your sides in response.

"I know, I know." Hanji cooed. "Just a little longer, ok?"

The sight nearly made Bertholdt cry. You didn't deserve to be put through this. The tall boy couldn't bare the sounds of your cries so he slipped through the door and out into the hallway, where the sounds were muffled.

Armin quickly replaced Bertholdt's spot once you stopped struggling and wailing while Hanji released your previously thrashing arms.

The woman glanced at the blond boy and gave him her signature smile. "Looks like she'll be fine."

Armin bit his lip and nodded. His eyes wandered over to you. Your lips were still a bit blue, but the shivers died down as warmth flooded through your veins. Your eyes blinked blankly and flitted over to Armin. The hint of dopy grin tugged at the corner of your mouth.

"Hi Armin."

Hanji's eyes jumped from you to Armin, a sly grin forming when she saw the blonde boy blush when he glanced down at your exposed thighs.

"Get outta here ya perv." Hanji laughed shooing the boy away.

"But-" Armin began, glancing back at you.

"But nothing." Hanji giggled, pushing the boy out the door where Bertholdt still stood. "You can visit her later."

With that she slammed the door on their flushed faces.

"Get some rest, (F/n)." Hanji hummed, giving you a wink and settling on a chair to scribble something down on a medical form.

No arguments here for you. You were more than happy to slip back to sleep, this time undisturbed and warm.

*****************************************************************************************************************************************

You woke up two days later, in and out of consciousness from the high fever that settled in after Hanji had saved you from freezing to death.

You definitely weren't prepared for the horrifying nightmares that came attached to the fever at all. If you were given a choice between dying and the horrors inside your mind...well...you would choose death in a heartbeat. It was bad enough living your own personal hell over and over again, stuck on replay with no escape.

Hanji stuck by your side like glue, only leaving to go to the bathroom or for food, but even then she would leave one of the nurses by your side in her absence. You worried her immensely.

When she dressed you in the clothes Armin had given her, she found more than enough scars that could probably even make the stoic Corporal wince. There were so many, ranging from little punctures to scars like the one on your stomach. It really made a person wonder what kind of living hell you had gone through out there.

In reality there weren't as many scars Hanji had thought there were. The little ones were just part of the deeper wounds that were inflicted or just collected over the years, like tiny little islands that broke off from the mainland, but still part of the land. Hanji could count three scars that somewhat matched the one on your stomach; said scar being the first that Hanji had seen.

The second one was on the back of your left arm, an inch away from your elbow and traveled in a slightly curved line that ended just shy of your shoulder blade. It looked as if someone had taken a knife and let it slice through the skin and perhaps even the muscle.

If the one on your stomach looked bad, the one that took up most of your back was like comparing a candle to a torch. Hanji had seen a few scars like this a few years back when she went to investigate a case of a missing boy. The boy was already gone without a trace, but the sister was brutally murdered with wounds that matched the scar on your back. What killed the poor girl and scarred your skin still wasn't determined yet, and was set aside.

But what surprised Hanji the most was the tattoo stitched permanently on your right shoulder blade. It unnerved her to the point of deciding to keep quiet about it and never _ever_ mentioning it to anyone ever.

You couldn't be one of them, it didn't add up.

A groan came from you and snapped Hanji from her thoughts. The brunette popped up from her seat and skipped over to your bed.

Your hands came up to rub the sleep from your eyes and pushed yourself into a sitting position. Armin's clothes hung loosely around your shoulders and the pants were even baggier around your waist. The (h/c) mop of hair on your head was messy from the constant moving in your sleep, some strands sticking out in odd angles that made Hanji giggle.

"Morning Sleeping Beauty." Hanji chuckled, handing you a glass of much needed water that you chugged down in seconds.

You smiled weakly and rubbed your drowsy eyes again. The fever was gone by now, but Hanji wanted to keep you another night just to be sure.

"How long was I out?" You asked, your voice still croaky with sleep.

"Mm, about two days." Hanji replied.

"Oh." You said, twirling the unfamiliar fabric of your shirt between your two fingers. "When can I see my friends?"

"Which ones?" Hanji asked, she assumed you were talking about the trio that visited you each day you were out, but multiple others had come to see you, even the Corporal who insisted that he was just getting his cloak back.

"Thomas and the Reece Twins." You clarified, throwing back the warm covers and slipped off the bed.

You hissed when your bare feet made contact with the chilly stone and searched for your boots.

"Slow down there, tiger." Hanji laughed, snatching your boots from your hands.

You growled and tried grabbing them back from the brunette woman. "Give me back my boots."

"Nope. You have to rest, (F/n)."

"I can do that later, I want to see my friends." You argued, making another grab for your shoes.

"Tell you what, (F/n)," Hanji said, lifting her arms so that your boots dangled above your head. "I can go find your friends while you stay here, ok?"

You growled and glared at the smiling brunette. "Fine."

"Wonderful!" She laughed, ushering you back onto the bed and ruffling your already messy hair. "Also, you might wanna take a shower..."

Before you could snap something out, the brunette had already left.

With your shoes.

"Fuck you." You grumbled to the empty room. Of course you weren't angry with the bubbly brunette, but she definitely irritated you at times.

You hopped off the bed and padded over to the connecting showers. Even if you wanted to spite the brunette woman, the thought of a long, hot shower sounded nice.

When you had first settled here inside the walls the showers were the most confusing thing you've ever encountered in your life. The idea of running water that could change from hot to cold was mind blowing to you, and when Erwin had shown you it was like the discovery of gold.

You slipped off your baggy clothes, your achy joints popping in some placed as you reached up and turned the metal knob to start the water after carefully setting down the borrowed clothing.

Your mind drifted as the heated water spilled over your body and the humid steam billowed up around you. Now that you thought about it, you had no idea who gave you those close. And for some reason Bertholdt and Armin had been in your dream?

_Ah whatever._

Over the drone of the endless water beating down against the tiled your ears picked up a barely audible _click_ and the creak of a door.

An uneasy feeling of another presence inside the room settled inside your stomach. The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end. It was a familiar feeling. Too familiar.

You were always sensitive to those kinds of things. You always knew if someone was watching you or somewhat in your proximity, Thomas had always said it was like your own personal superpower, but it was an instinct that was so deeply rooted inside people like you that it would take years and years to un-train yourself.

Besides...Thomas wasn't always one of you, so he didn't understand...

But now, now wasn't the time for day dreaming. Someone was here and they probably didn't want to chat about the weather.

Leaving the shower on, you carefully tiptoed from the warm water to the pile of clothes, and slipped them on.

You swore quietly when your hand brushed against the empty space that your knife usually was placed and bit your lip. If the person in the other room wanted to hurt you, you definitely had the short end of the stick in this situation.

You slowly cracked open the door and peeked your (e/c) orbs through. No one was there; the only noticeable difference being the white piece of paper placed on your pillow.

You stayed put for a few more moments before sprinting for your dagger, instantly finding comfort when your fingertips brushed against the cool, leather-bound hilt. Your eyes scanned the empty room for any movement, and found nothing. You but your lip worriedly, tasting blood, as your eyes dipped down to the little slip of paper, neatly placed on your pillow.

The words scrawled on was enough to send your gut reeling;

_I found you, Little Kestrel_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey doods! I hope you like this chapter, we have some Bertholdt in here finally! Also, I have a question!! How would you guys feel on some smut in future chaoters? I would really like the feedback! Thanks for all of your support as well! It means a lot ^-^


	15. Old Memories

"Why doesn't she like me?" You muttered, your elbows propped up on the wooden table while your fingers rubbed the sides of your temples. Your eyes glanced over continuously to the table where Thomas and Doctor Cinna Ramirez sat laughing together like lovers.

Your friend and the doctor had been pretty much attached to the hip lately. Of course the doctor was overly affectionate and clingy(everyone knew this), but you thought she would have moved on to another plaything by now. But it was getting worse.

Besides stealing your best friend from you, Cinna was just downright awful. Ranging from subtle insults to icy glares whenever you were in the same room with Thomas. And Thomas, poor gullible Thomas was trapped in her spell, too entranced by her charlatan smiled and sweetly charmed words that could make any man bend to her will, and choosing to dote on her like a servant. You didn't really support Thomas's relation with Cinna, but if Thomas was happy you would deal with it, even if the brunette girl had insulted your necklace that Lark had given you _and_ your hair, multiple times.

Talia followed your gaze, her lips quirking into a smirk. "Well, you do give off the impression that you want to murder everyone you look at."

You shot the platinum blonde a glare and exhaled loudly, the girl's smirk widening. "See? You're not even denying it."

"Whatever, Talia." You grumbled, twirling a loose strand of hair from your braid. "But really, why doesn't she like me?"

Talia took a sip from her drink and shrugged. "Dunno." The girl said, taking another look-see at the two. "Maybe she's jealous."

You nibbled on your lip, your (e/c) orbs wandering back over to the pair who drifted closer in the past few minutes.

Like Cinna knew you were watching, her cat-like green eyes locked with your own, a mischievous smile playing on her lips. Without breaking eye contact, one of her hands came up to Thomas's face and pinched his chin between her fingers and pressed their lips together. More like smashing them together if anything...

Thomas's thin eyes widened in shock, and stood rigid until Cinna continued to lip-lock in front of everyone, winking at you moments later.

You narrowed your eyes and scoffed. _Gross._

Talia laughed and rolled her amber hued eyes, ripping off a piece of her bread and turning back towards you.

"Heh, looks like Tommy is gettin' some tonight." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively which earned her a slap to the back of her head from her twin that flipped through the pages of a book silently next to her.

"Ow." Talia pouted, rubbing her throbbing head and bitting off some more stale bread.

You snorted, the ghost of a smile toying with your lips when Warren rolled his impassive orbs without glancing up from his book. You shook your head and sighed, staring down into the bland soup that was handed out for lunch.

It had been two days since you got the creepy note. Thankfully no others had shown up, and it honestly made you a bit fearful and anxious. It was probably just a stupid joke, but your gut told you otherwise.

"(Y/n)."

Plus, what did it even mean and who was it from? Maybe it was from Isaac? Was it from...Anthony? No. That couldn't be possible...

"(Y/n)!" Talia called, snapping her fingers in front of you blank stare.

You ripped your eyes from the watered out stew and tilted your head to the side in question.

"I asked you a question."

"What was it?"

"Do you like anyone?" Your friend asked curiously, leaning forward as she waited for your response.

"I like a lot of people..." You said shrugging and taking a spoonful of your soup and swallowing it down.

Unknowingly, the blonde had captured the attention of the 104th squadron, mostly the boys, who now listened in with curiosity a few feet down the table. Who _did_ you like?

Talia rolled her eyes and sighed in irritation. "No (F/n), what I mean is, do you _like_ anyone."

Still not catching on to Talia's words you raised an eyebrow. "Im confused. I just told you."

The girl face-palmed and let out an exaggerated groan. "You're so dense sometimes."

"Can you explain then?" You said, giving Talia a sharp glare, oblivious of the multiple orbs that glanced over every few moments, waiting for your answer.

"Uhg, (F/n)," Talia sighed. "What I mean by "do you like someone" I meant to you have a crush on anyone."

"What the fuck is a 'crush'."

The blonde let out a frustrated noise and threw up her hands. "Oh my god, do you people live under a rock outside the walls? Do you have _feelings_ for anyone, like, a boy for instance."

"Oh." You said, a red flush creeping up your neck and cheeks as you tried to play it cool. "N-no."

"Your lyingggg!" Talia giggled, reaching over to pinch your bright red cheek.

You growled and swatted her hand away. "Im not."

"Are too!"

"Im not!" You blushed even harder when the girl waggled her eyebrows.

"C'mon (F/n), tell me!" She pleaded, putting on her best puppy-dog face as she begged. "Please?"

You crossed your arms grumpily and scowled at the floor. "No."

"So you _do_ like someone!"

You sighed and pinched the bridge of your nose. In all honesty you haven't thought all that much about boys since you got here. And you'd be breaking Raven's three sacred rules. It was literally the first thing she taught you, _don't fall in love, you'll regret it._ But then again, Raven had no control over you here. Thomas clearly didn't care if he broke her rules with the attractive doctor, so why couldn't you?

_Because you're a monster who deserves nothing._

You bit your lip harshly as the self hating thoughts invaded your mind. But your thoughts were right, no one would love some broken girl who's afraid of the dark. No one _could_ love you, it was just the simple truth and nothing could change that.

A red flag waved inside Talia's mind at your silence. Your eyebrows were furrowed slightly as you chewed your lip, making the soft skin bleed.

Talia tried catching your (e/c) that stared into the dark brown wood of the table and reached out for your hand that was clenched in a tight fist. She was bit worried at your sudden shift in mood knowing how harsh you were on yourself.

"Hey," Talia said, resting her warm hand atop your fist. "You don't have to tell me. But, you know, I do know who likes _you_."

A few nervous boys glared at Talia, shifting uncomfortably in their seats. If Talia so much as hinted about their secret to you, she'd most likely end up on the wrong side of the wall in the morning.

You said nothing and shrugged. "That's stupid of them."

You sighed and slipped your hand out of Talia's and sat up, missing the sad look your friend gave you.

"I'll catch up with you later." You mumbled. Walking over to dump off your tray and escape through the oaken doors.

Talia frowned and shook her head. She would go after you later, you just needed some time to yourself...

*******************************************************************************************************************************

You stared blankly at the ratty journal in you hands. Papers stood out in odd places inside the pages, hastily scribbled notes in Lark's thin writing. You almost forgot you had this. The journal was shoved to the bottom of your drawer and under a pile of clothes, bound to be forgotten.

It still stung painfully when Lark floated into your thoughts. You missed the lanky boy, his little notebook reminding you of that.

You inhaled deeply, your fingers drifting along the worn and fragile spine of the cover. You weren't sure if you wanted to know what was inside his journal. You knew it would hurt but at the same time this little piece of him could relieve some of that pain.

You let out a shaky breath and flipped open the cover. You cracked a smile once you saw what was written on the first page.

_Lark's notebook, if lost return it or I'll feed you to the titans._

The second page had the year marked on it and a piece of rushed writing.

**_835_ **   
_I don't know why Ma is making me write in this stupid thing, what's it even for?_

You snorted in amusement and continued to read.

**_835_ **   
_I guess this thing is alright. I still think it's stupid but Ma says it's good to write things down since I forget a lot._

Most of the pages in the first few pages were blank, save for the few sloppy drawings and random writings. You smiled and rolled your eyes, carefully flipping on to the next blank pages until you found another piece of his writing.

**_835_ **   
_It's my birthday today, March 16. Im turning 6. Ma left to go to the market in Wall Rose(where we live)and said she's bringing back fresh bread for me because it's my birthday. I wish she let me come, I love the market._

Wall Rose? Lark never mentioned he lived here...

For some odd reason a younger Lark had skipped a few years in his pages, his handwriting neater and more precise now.

**_839_ **   
_Pa made some new friends today, they scare me though. Ma told me not to worry about it but I still do. They have a weird tattoo on their body. I asked Pa about it and he said they were the King's men, but they don't look like the Military Police. They wear black and carry knives in their pockets, is that even legal?_

**_839_ **   
_Ma and Pa are fighting again about the people in black. Those people keep coming to our house each day and Pa gets angry after each visit. Ma and Pa always yell after that, something about owing money or whatever. Why would we need to borrow anything?_

**_843_ **   
_They killed Pa. I was with him in the market and they took him into an alleyway. I don't think they saw me because I wandered off like I always do. It was his friend, the one with black hair and the scary scar on his cheek. He always scared me._

Lark's writing ended there and you sat confused, flipping forward almost three pages until you found something jotted down hastily with no date, accompanied with an unknown substance that stained most of the pages after it. It looked like blood.

_Anthony says Im one of them now. I don't want to become a monster._

You frowned and flew through the pages until a lone picture of a flower covered the page, labels and the uses of it jotted down around it. Many others like that came after it, ranging from drawings of people to the usage of 3DMG. It wasn't until about 20 pages later that an actual sentence was written down.

_I've lost track of time. I don't know what year it is. All I know is this living hell. The only memories of my home are the ones I wrote down, I don't even remember my last name anymore. After the fall we were cast out, left to die. At that point I wanted to, it was better that way._

_We made our home in the Dead City. Its terrifying. I don't like it here but Raven says its better than the walls and I don't want to argue with her._

_There was so much blood. Everything was painted in it. Raven made me do it. I hate myself, she was innocent. She had a child..._

A loud knock sounded through your room and you jumped, the journal falling from your hands and landing on the stone floor with a small _thunk._

"Come in?" You said, confused as to who was knocking on your door and quickly snatched the book and threw it under your mattress.

Jean swung open your door with a smile and waved. "Hey Pipsqueak."

"Jean?"

"That's me." He laughed, wandering further into your room while his honey brown orbs glanced around.

"Do you need something?"

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to do something with me?"

You raised an eyebrow at the cocky boy and crossed your arms. "Go on."

Jean grinned. "It's a day off today and me and a few others are going into town and I was wondering if you want to go with me?"

As the boy spoke a barely noticeable tint of red spread over his sharply formed face as he asked.

At first you were a bit skeptical about being around the busy hoards of people in the markets of Wall Rose. You never actually have been to any _real_ market before, only catching snippets of conversations about the hoards and crowds from fellow soldiers. It was still overwhelming being surrounded by hundreds of people, but you were slowly getting used it. Maybe Jean's offer would help get you a better tolerance for large crowds.

"Sure Jean."

The two-tone haired boy's eyes widened. He wasn't expecting you to say yes. "Really? You want to?"

You nodded and rubbed your arm, giving him a small smile that made his stomach twist painfully in adoration. "Yeah."

Jean screamed happily inside his head, he would finally have a chance to be alone with you if you ditched the other two in the markets. With a smirk he ruffled your hair and pulled you out of your room.

You stumbled a few times while trying to keep up with his long strides. "Jean! Slow down, I have short legs!"

The boy chuckled and a abruptly stopped, your body smashing into his back. "The hell?"

Suddenly his hands found the back of your knees and upper back, lifting you into the air and slinging you over his shoulder. You screeched in surprise and pounded your fists on his back.

"Jean! Put me down!" You said, his shoulder digging into your stomach when he started moving.

"You're slow, Pipsqueak." He answered, his hand resting on your upper thigh to hold you in place.

You whined in protest and sighed. At least you got a free ride...and, ahem, as some would put it; a nice view of a certain someone's ass.

You blushed and covered your face in embarrassment. A blast of heat washed over you as you left the dark castle, the sight of the dusty, dry ground coming into view.

"Oi, Pony Boy, is that (F/n)?" The familiar deep voice of Reiner rang through your ears.

You were then falling from Jean's shoulder, his arms helping you land safely on your own two feet. You glared daggers at the smirking boy and gave him a soft punch to the stomach.

Jean grunted and rubbed the sore spot with mock pain. He pouted as you rolled your (e/c) orbs and turned to greet the other two.

Reiner gave you a wink and Bertholdt gave you a shy wave, their normally uniformed selves in casual clothing today.

After saying your hellos to the boys you were off to the markets, excitement and a bit of anxiety coursing through your veins.

********************************************************************************************************************************

You didn't think it was possible to have this many people in one space at the same time. To say you were shocked was an understatement and it amused the three boys greatly.

There were so many smells and sounds that reached your senses, coaxing your feet to move along with the crowd of bustling people. Before you could wander off, Reiner grabbed your arm and pulled you back to his side. He bent down, his lips brushing your ear as he spoke.

"Don't get lost, ok?"

You nodded and shook him off, a brightly colored banner catching your eye. Weaving in and out of people, you reached the little booth, your eyes devouring the multicolored pots and vases carefully placed on the stand. The vendor eyed you suspiciously when you ran your fingertip on the smooth surfaces in wonder. Before he could yell at you, you zoomed over to the next stand, this one selling sweet smelling pastries and fresh bread. You mouth watered and your stomach growled at the thought of stuffing your face full of pastries.

Jean caught up to you and your lower lip puffed out slightly when you glanced up at him, pointing at one of the yummy treats. "Can we get one Jean? Please?"

How could he ever resist you, with those plush lips puffed out in a slight pout while your sparkling eyes begged him. Jean would buy you the whole world if he could. The boy nodded, his heart fluttering rapidly as a rare small smile tugged at you lips.

The vendor wrapped up a few of her creations after Jean had paid and handed them to you, excitement buzzing through you. You were practically jumping up and down like a child once your eager hands wrapped around the paper bag.

Your digits quickly snatched up a pastry, drool practically falling from your mouth as your teeth sunk into it. You moaned while your eyes rolled to the back of your head as the flaky bread and sweet jam landed on your taste buds; gone in a matter of seconds. It was _so good._

Jean blushed at the little sound you made and bit his lip when more than one dirty thought flashed through his mind. ~~He'd definitely have some good dreams tonight.~~

"She's a very luck girl." The vendor chuckled, her wrinkled eye giving Jean a knowing wink.

Jean was about to protest, a small blush staining the tips of his ears, but your persistent tugging on his sleeve left him no time to answer the woman as your eyes spotting something else.

This time the small stand was jewelry, the silver and gold pieces glinting in the afternoon sun. Unfortunately, everything that the bald vendor sold here was more than Jean could ever hope to afford. Your sharp eyes flitted over the extravagant metalwork. Some of the pieces just looked plain ridiculous and bulky! Who would even want to wear a pound of rock around their neck all day? You for one, did not. You preferred the simplistic side of jewelry if you wore any at all. The thin golden chain that connected to a small eight-pointed star studded with tiny glittering stones caught your eye and you lifted it up, dangling it in front of your face for a closer look.

"Ah, you have a good taste in jewelry, Miss." The falsely sweetened tones of the bald vendor said, pointing at your selection. "A pretty lady should always have a pretty piece to go with her, yes?"

You shrugged, and set the small charm down with a sad sigh. "I don't have any money."

"I see." The vendor said, his voice turning a few degrees colder as his eyes narrowed and stalked off to another customer.

A heavy arm slid over your shoulders, startling you after the vendor left. Reiner grinned down at you, his golden hair shining as the sun beat down on his head. "He's right ya know."

"About what?" You asked, scanning the crowd for Jean who disappeared a few minutes ago.

"About being a pretty lady."

His words triggered a blush. Your (e/c) stared down at your feet in embarrassment like they were the most interesting thing in the world. No boy had ever called you pretty before, or any one for that matter.

"T-thanks Reiner." You mumbled out, still flushed a dark red.

He barked out a laugh and gave your shoulder a squeeze. Your mouth twitched into a half smile and gazed up at the bulky blond, having to squint your eyes from the glaring sun behind his head. A though popped into your head and slipped out before you could stop it.

"What's it like being tall?" You blurted.

Reiner raised an eyebrow and you quickly looked away and rubbed the back of your neck. "Er, never mind..."

Reiner chuckled. "Wanna find out?"

You let out a shriek as his muscular arms grabbed you by the sides as if you weighed as much as a simple paperweight and lifted you above his head so your thighs rested on his broad shoulders. You squeaked as you nearly fell back, your fingers digging into his shortly cropped hair.

He grunted in surprise at the tugging and grabbed your shins tightly. You took a deep breath and raised your head, a small gasp escaping your mouth. Reiner chuckled below you and glanced up with a grin.

"How's the view up there?"

You were too caught up in the throws of being so high up that you didn't answer, your fingers lighting tugging on the boy's hair.

You could see _everything,_  from the hair on top of people's heads to the openings of the alleyways that veered off from the main road of the market. You were so used to seeing peoples backs and chests that this was such a thrill for you. Pure joy filled you and overflowed like a boiling pot of water that came in a form of a laugh. Even over the loud crowds of people, Reiner could hear your bell-like laugh easily. He had never heard you laugh before and it made his insides twist and and flip.

"Onward my steed!" You giggled, your fingers drifting down to pinch the tips of his ears.

A booming laugh left Reiner and snorted his nose like a horse and whinnied, earning him some strange looks that neither of you cared to acknowledge.

With you on his shoulders, Reiner weaved through the crowd, all the while you giggled and ran your fingers through Reiner's hair. Your eyes spotted the familiar lanky form of Bertholdt and you pointed at him so Reiner knew where to go.

The shy boy was hunched over slightly at a booth that held multicolored flowers and emitted a sweet, perfumed smell. Already strands of his black hair stuck to his forehead from the heat of the sun, his eyebrows slightly furrowed as he tried to pick out flowers.

"Bertholdt!" You called, waving your hand above your head in hopes of catching his attention.

At first the tall boy's eyes drifted downwards to where you usually stood but then snapped up when he saw his friend gripping onto a pair of legs. A spark envy lit inside Bertholdt when Reiner gave him a smug smirk. Oh, it was _on._

"Bertholdt!" You giggled, on of your hands on top of Reiner's skull to steady yourself while the other was reaching out to pat Bertholdt's head. "Look  Im taller than you!"

Bertholdt couldn't help but crack a smile. You were so cute, the wide grin and little giggles increasing that statement tenfold. You ruffled his hair and scanned the crowd again, looking for the familiar two-tone haired boy.

"Where's Jean?" You asked, twisting your head so you could glance behind you.

"He'll catch up later," Reiner hummed below you, giving your calves a squeeze. "Jean's probably just looking around."

You nodded. "Ok."

"H-hey (F/n)?" Bertholdt said, the shy boy craning his neck to look up at you. "W-what's your f-favorite flower?"

The question caught you off guard and you blinked owlishly at the boy, head tilting to the side. "Flowers?"

His sun kissed skin flushed a dark red and he rubbed the back of his head, glancing to the side. "Y-yeah."

"Hmm." You pondered, squinting your eyes to try and spot out a flower that you liked. There were all so pretty and full of color, so different from the bland little wildflowers that grew outside the walls. Your nose caught the scent of honeysuckle over the other scents and you pointed it out to Bertholdt.

"Honeysuckle. Why?"

Bertholdt shrugged and gave you a nervous smile, sweat dripping down the side of his face and forming on his brow. "N-no reason."

You shrugged off the black haired boy's secretive behavior and pulled on Reiner's ears again. "Can we walk around more?"

"Sure thing (F/n)." Reiner chuckled, turning on his heel and leaving his friend behind who was subtly placing a few coins in the vendor's hand.

As Reiner traveled along with the flowing crowds while you pointed out things you found interesting, the gnawing feeling of being watched grew in the back of your mind from an itch that you couldn't scratch to nervously glancing behind you each minute. Yet each time you looked back, nothing was there besides passing faces in the crowd.

Reiner, noticing your constant shifting and the absence of you giggles, he looked up a few times in slight worry. "Everything ok?"

"Set me down." You breathed, the hairs raising on the back of your neck, finding the unforgettable ghostly blue eyes in the crowd.

Now Reiner was worried.

The boy hastily set you down and like a starting shot you were off, quickly disappearing into the crowd. Reiner called out after you, but you were already gone, determined to escape the set of eyes that belonged to an old horror from your past.

You weaved in and out of people, earning angry glares when you jostled someone in your haste to escape. You needed to leave, get out of sight, anything to shake off those prying eyes that haunted your dreams.

You ducked into an nearby alley and flung yourself behind stacked up crates, the throws of fear and panic consuming your whole body.

An invisible hand clasped over your mouth; an equally ghostly hypodermic of adrenaline pierced your heart, unloading in an instant. You felt your ribs heaving as if bound by ropes, straining to inflate your lungs. Your head held a carousel of fears spinning out of control, each one pushing your mind into blackness and flashbacks. You wanted to run; you needed to freeze. Sounds that were near felt far away, like you were no longer in the body that lied paralyzed on the cold, dirty stone of the alleyway.

A shadow fell over you and you whimpered, covering your head. "N-no please, I-Im s-sorry."

"(F/n)?"

You shifted your shaking hand and took a small peek at the person who stood over you.

_Jean._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHH SORRY FOR THE WAIT. I've been really busy with school and sports so yeah! I will post some smut in future chapters, if any of you would like to put in a request for any particular character that would be great! Also, we have some past reveal, I hope it's ok so far!


	16. Past Lives

"Hey. Just breath, ok? It's me, Jean."

 _I know who you are dumbass._ Yet the thought never formed into words. It was like the air from your lungs was plucked from your body and thrown into a garbage can. So you only nodded, flinching violently when the boy's hand lightly touched your shoulder.

You whimpered and curled into a tighter ball. Images flashed around your mind that ripped you from the present to the nightmarish past that haunted you.

There was blood-so much of it. Bloody fists pounded on your body that left a dull ache inside you. Screams ricocheted off of the walls in your mind, wailing and crying. You couldn't escape. There _was_ no escape.

A sharp stinging slap on your cheek yanked you back to reality. Your frantic, darting eyes landed on the honey brown orbs and you raised your hand to the stinging skin where Jean had just slapped you.

"(F/n)." Jean snapped. "Keep your eyes on me and breath."

Rapid breaths slowly changed into steady even ones, your heart dwindling down into a somewhat normal pace.

You sucked in another breath and unlocked your fingers from your death grip on your cloak and glanced at Jean. A wave of shame washed over you, and you bit your lip harshly.

Jean wasn't supposed to find you like this, he wasn't supposed to see the cracks in your mind that threatened to swallow you whole, and he wasn't supposed to see _anything._

"(F/n)."

"What." You whispered, (e/c) cast down to the dirty alleyway. If anything the boy would abandon you after this little bout of instability, everyone did eventually...

"Will you tell me?" Jean spoke, slowly reaching out to brush his fingers against your own that rested on your curled up knee.

"I-I can't." You whimpered. You wanted to tell him, it was on the tip of your tongue, but you couldn't risk another panic attack like the last one, so you shook your head. "Not now."

The two-tone haired boy nodded and didn't press you further. Instead he gripped your hand and pulled you into a tight hug.

A little noise of surprise left you when Jean wrapped his arms around you and brought a warm hand to the back of your head, your body tensed from the contact. You could hear the gentle thumping of his heart when you pressed your ear against his chest, the subtle hints of pine drifting inside your nostrils.

You soon relaxed into the embrace and gripped Jean's shirt and shut your eyes. Current fears washed away and all that was left was the sound of his beating heart and your soft breathing. Before you could stop yourself, the gentle tug of sleep pulled you into a much needed rest.

Jean felt your body go lax and glanced down. You had fallen asleep.   
The boy sighed and hoisted you up gently from the dirt covered alley. This was the first time Jean had seen you relapse like this. Most of the time they came in nightmares or just blank stares at random times that Thomas had told Jean about, but this was new.

A stab of sadness pierced through Jean's heart. It was obvious something happened outside the walls that haunted you constantly. It hurt him knowing someone like you who was so beautiful and strong suffered through life constantly, but Jean would do anything in his power to make you better. He had to...

The boy sighed again and wandered back into the crowds, easily finding Bertholdt's tall figure and a frowning Reiner. The black haired boy spotted Jean with you in his arms and quickly dashed over.

"Oh my God, i-is she ok?" He cried, his green eyes landing on your unconscious features.

Jean nodded. "Yeah, I think so."

Reiner popped up beside Bertholdt with a guilty look gracing his features. The blond was the one to lose you and now you were in Horse Face's arms.

"I'll take her." The beefy blond stated, making a grab for you.

Jean held you closer and let out a growl. "Hell no. You're the one who lost her in the first place!"

Reiner grit his teeth and sneered. "I did not."

"G-guys, stop." The shy boy said, nervously glancing at your face that scrunched up from Jean's hasty attempts to evade Reiner's grabbing. "You're w-waking her up."

Jean narrowed his eyes at Reiner when the taller boy backed off. "Yeah, shut up Braun."

"Let's just g-go b-back to base, ok?" Bertholdt sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

Starting a fight over who got to carry you wasn't worth waking you up. And after Reiner and Jean's little stare off, they both agreed with the tall boy and started the trek back to HQ, the three of them oblivious of the set of eyes that watched them from above.

*************************************

"Where the _fuck_ have you four been?! I was looking all over for (F/n) and I find out that you dumbasses took her?"

A fuming Talia stood at the entrance of the castle, her arms crossed, her brows furrowed and her mouth set in a thin line. The blonde was looking for you for at least three hours and after what happened last time when you left, Talia was afraid she would lose you for good this time.

The said three boys glanced away guiltily. An angry Talia was not a pleasant thing to come back to, _especially_ if it was about you.

"Talia! Look at what Jean got me!"

The blonde's icy glare drifted over to you but it melted away in seconds. A little smile graced your features as you swung around a pastry in your fingers.

"It's called a _scone_." You said, taking a bite out of the flaky treat.

After taking another bite, you bounced over to Talia who narrowed her eyes at Jean. "You took her to the _markets?"_

"Talia it's fine." You huffed, rolling your eyes. "I wanted to go."

Before Talia could snap at each of the three boys who still stood awkwardly to the side waiting for Talia's verbal beating, you tugged at her arm.

"Let's go find Thomas."

You waved at the three boys behind you and took off to find Thomas in the large castle. When you rounded the corner and disappeared from Talia's sight, the girl rounded on the three boys and hissed out four words before running after you.

"You three are _dead."_

The blonde girl sprinted after you and quickly caught up to you. You happily munched on the sweet treat in your hand and gave Talia a sideways smile.

The blonde returned your grin and snatched a piece of your scone.

"Hey." You pouted. "That's mine." 

Talia snorted and rolled her eyes. "Too bad."

You elbowed the girl in the ribs and shot her a playful glare. "I was fine you know."

Talia's golden orbs flickered over to you and raised an eyebrow. "Mhm, Im sure you were."

"What's that supposed to mean?" You snorted, handing Talia the rest of the scone which the girl gladly took.

"Nothing, it's just, your mouth twitches when you lie."

You moved your hand up to the corner of your mouth and scowled. You had to fix that..

"So what happened? Did one of those boys do something? If they did I'll kick their asses into next week." Talia growled, swinging an arm around your shoulders protectively.

"Thanks Talia, but they didn't do anything," you hummed, tossing your friend a small grin. "I just-I don't even know. It's stupid. Don't worry about it."

Talia slipped her arm off your shoulders and stepped in front of you to block your path. Her brows furrowed into a small 'v' while her amber orbs drilled into your own. If something was bothering you, she _had_ to find out.

"Tell me."

You rolled your eyes and tried to sidestep the taller female, only to be stopped by her outstretched hand. You sighed and glared. "Talia, let me go."

"Tell me." She persisted, tightening her grip on your arm. "Now."

"It doesn't matter." You hissed, clenching your fists. "Let go."

"Not until you tell me."

You growled and stared daggers at the girl, neither one of you willing to back down.

Eventually you gave up. You were stubborn but so was she. You scowled again and angrily glared at the wall, breaking off eye contact. "Fine. I thought I saw someone I knew in the markets."

"That's not all of it, (F/n)."

You bit your lip and clenched your fists. Might as well tell Talia or else you'd be stuck here all day.

You sighed and glanced behind you to see if anyone was in earshot. The hall was empty except for you two.

You released a sigh and stared back up at your friend. "In the markets I thought I saw Anthony. I don't know how it's possible, but I could of sworn I saw him."

Talia's eyes widened into small dinner plates. "(F/n), are you sure?"

You shrugged. "Maybe? I don't know, ok? Im probably overreacting again."

Talia sucked in a breath and bit the inside of her lip. Maybe you were right; maybe you _were_ just overreacting. The blonde hoped so...

"Look, Im fine, ok?" You assured, gesturing to yourself. "Can we please go find Thomas now?"

Talia nodded despite the sinking feeling of dread forming in the pit of her stomach.

What if _he_ came back for you?

*************************************

"I think the man named Anthony Tropianska is alive and living inside the walls."

Currently Talia Reece was sitting in the plush leather chair in front of Commander Erwin. Corporal Levi stood to the side, leaning against the stone wall looking as bored as ever while the brunette named Hanji stood next to Erwin.

After you were safely put into bed that night, Talia decided that she needed to tell someone about your sighting in the markets. And with a stroke of luck, the Corporal, the Commander, and Hanji had all been in the same room at the same time when Talia had come.

Better to be safe than sorry, as some would put it.

The handsome Commander gave a sideways glance to the short Corporal and sighed.

"We know."

Talia's jaw hung open. They _knew?_

"What?"

Erwin rubbed the sides of his temples and let out a deep sigh. "He's been here for a while."

"And you haven't done anything?" Talia gaped. Anger started to bubble inside her. This man was a piece of shit who deserved to die and no one had the decency to arrest him?

Before Erwin could respond, the brunette next to him jumped in.

"We haven't been able to find him yet."

Talia bit her lip harshly and glared at the floor. How hard was it to find someone like him?

Suspicious grey eyes narrowed at the bleach blonde sitting in the chair, the owner of the set of eyes crossing his folding his arms.

"How do you even know his name shitty brat?" The man named Levi spoke.

"(F/n) told me about him. She thought she saw him in the markets today, but she wasn't sure. Im worried he's going to find her."

"What do you mean?" Hanji asked, tilting her head to the side. You never mentioned Anthony before except for the time you stated his name in trial a few months back.

"She never told you?" Talia recanted, her eyes flicking between the two males and Hanji in question.

"Never told us what?"

"That she was pretty much his own personal plaything back outside the walls."

Hanji frowned and gave the Commander a worried look. Know they knew why the man was back.

Talia, being the quick girl she was, rapidly placed the unspoken pieces together and gasped. "We have to tell (F/n) before he finds her."

"No." The Commander ordered. "I've seen (F/n) react badly to things from her past. Im worried about what could happen if we told her."

"He has a point, Talia." Hanji agreed. "We can't tell her."

Talia shrugged. She wanted to tell you but she knew that this was the better option for you. Sometimes ignorance is gift.

"What if he comes here?" The blonde girl asked after standing from the chair, her amber orbs boring into Erwin's cerulean ones.

"I'll be informing a few people to make sure (F/n) is safe. But for now I think she'll be fine."

Talia nodded and slipped out the door, her ears catching something from the short Corporal before leaving.

"I hope the bastard drops dead. (F/n) didn't deserve what he did to her."

A small smile appeared on Talia's lips. It seems like even the stoic Corporal has a little soft spot for you too.

The girl padded through the dark hallways, the only light coming from the the candles that hung from the walls in the corridors. Talia soon came across your door and stopped dead in her tracks when her eyes spotted a note taped on your door. Talia glanced from side to side before ripping the note from the wood and scanned the hastily scribbled letters.

 

 _Let's_ _play_ _a_ _game_

 _-A_. _T_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhg omg I know this chapter sucks. So sorry about the chapter wait and length, I know its short, I promise Im gonna update more!


	17. Nosebleeds and Feelings

The grass whispered and murmured around you, the faint scent of wildflowers filling your nostrils. The warm rays of the sun pooled over your resting form as you dozed off.

You inhaled a deep breath and shut your eyes that were shaded by the canopy of leaves provided by the small oak tree, just a little walk from the Survey Corps base.

Being here felt like it was the first time you truly felt at peace. No people, no problems, no memories; just the soft rustling of the green leaves and the soft swaying grass that brushed against the patches of bare skin that showed.

Finding down time like this was near impossible due to the constant training schedules and chore work the short Corporal ordered each day. You never did like cleaning...

A strand of hair tickled your nose and you let out a puff of air in hope of getting the strand of (h/c) hair off you face, sighing in defeat when it refused to move. You pouted and sighed, it took too much effort to move it by hand. And plus, you were so comfortable..

A sudden crack of a stick as weight was placed on it yanked you from your stupor and in a blink of an eye you drew your knife. You sat up and searched for the cause of the sound, but saw nothing and rolled your eyes at yourself. You were just being paranoid again, it was probably just a squirrel or something...

"(F/n)?"

You screeched and jumped up, only to trip over your own foot and land in an ungraceful heap on the ground and drop your knife a few inches away. Your 'attacker' let out a little chuckle and walked over, his boots coming into view. Your (e/c) orbs flicked up and saw a smiling Eren above you.

You blushed and rolled into a sitting position, letting out an awkward cough. "Hey Eren."

"Sorry I scared you." The teal eyed boy hummed, bending down to grab your knife and take a seat next to you.

You shrugged and pulled your knees up to your chest and rested your chin on your kneecap. "It's fine."

Eren twirled your knife in his hands and brushed his thumb over the little engraving on the metal. "Little Kestrel. Does that mean anything? I've heard Thomas say it a lot."

You shrugged and gazed ahead of you, your eyes catching the sight of the castle and a few minuscule dots run around on the grounds. You sighed and picked at a loose string on your sleeve.

"It's a nickname."

"I know that," Eren scoffed. "But what for?"

You sucked in a breath and gave the boy a sideways glance before staring at your mud caked boots. It wasn't like you didn't want to tell Eren about your previous life, but it hurt and it scared you to the point of never wanting to bring it up. Yet, he was just asking about a nickname and you at least owed him the story behind it, there was no harm in telling him.

"Most of us don't have names outside the walls and it's an easy way to let go of who you actually are and become something different under a name that's temporary."  You paused and tore up some grass before speaking again, refusing to meet Eren's eyes. "It depends where you live outside the walls, but where I was each of us earned a nickname after awhile."

"How did you get yours?"

You snorted as a ghost of a smile touched your lips. "I was the smallest out of everyone but I was the fastest."

"That makes sense." Eren hummed, handing back your knife with care. "I always thought Thomas called you that because you liked birds."

You chuckled and shook your head, sheathing your knife. You did like birds but not enough to actually name yourself after one.

You sighed and closed your eyes again, letting the silence take over the conversation. A gust of wind blew through the tree and made the leaves whisper above you and the grass to wave in response.

"(F/n)?" The brunette boy said beside you, breaking the peaceful quiet.

"Hm."

"I need to tell you something."

Curious, you opened one eye and studied Eren's face that frowned slightly. His wrung his hands together nervously and shyly met your owlish gaze before speaking.

"You know how Hanji keeps mentioning a titan shifter?"

You nodded. You overheard the enthusiastic woman more than once blabbering on about it.

"I'm the shifter." Eren said, his voice just above a whisper. The brunette bit his lip and looked away in shame. He probably just ruined his chances with you, no way someone like you could love something like him.

You were surprised at first and said nothing which made the boy frown deeper and stare into the grass, afraid of your answer. In a way your knew exactly how he felt. Of course you could never truly relate to the boy but you knew how it felt to be labeled as a monster. You sighed and awkwardly patted the boy's hand that rested on the ground.

"Ok."

Eren's eyes widened in mild shock and gaped like a fish out of water. Most people didn't react this calmly when someone told them they could shift into a beast that wiped out most of humanity; but here you were, patting his hand.

"You're ok with it?"

"Should I not be?" You said, tilting your head to the side. You guessed he never really received this kind of reaction.

"Well yeah! I can turn into a monster and your ok with that?" Eren scoffed out, his dark brows furrowing in confusion.

You sighed and moved your hand away from Eren's. "Im ok with it because I know you aren't a monster, Eren. Just because you can turn into a titan it doesn't mean you are one."

The boy didn't know what say. Half of him wanted to hug you while the other half wanted to scream at how stupid you were for putting blind faith in him.

You mentally rolled your eyes at Eren's scrunched up face and shifted you body so you faced him instead of the castle in the distance. You grabbed his limp hand and held it up to his face.

"What are you doing?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Someone I knew taught me this a long time ago and I think it could help." You answered, your (e/c) orbs meeting Eren's for a brief second before concentrating your attention on his hand.

You moved his limb over his heart and held it there until Eren glanced up with a puzzled look in his eyes.

"I don't think I know what this is supposed to do."

You rolled your eyes and snorted. "You have a heartbeat, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, my friend used to say that monsters don't have beating hearts and that's why they can live with themselves after doing something horrible. So I knew whenever I did something bad and my heart still beat I wasn't a monster."

After a moment of silence you bit the inside of you cheek when the boy said nothing and only blinked owlishly at you, his features unreadable. You blushed a bright red and hurriedly removed your hand from his to fiddle with the end of your cloak.

"Sorry, I know its stupid. I just thought-"

Eren abruptly cut you off by throwing his arms around you and crushed you to his chest. A squeak of surprise left you, your body freezing in shock. It took you a moment before you responded and patted Eren's back in return. His hair tickled your nose and filled your nostrils with the scent of cardamom and nutmeg, vaguely reminding you of the forest you spent so much time in. 

Eren pulled back a moment later with a goofy smile on his face. "It's not stupid to me, (F/n)."

"Oh," you said, rubbing the back of your neck. "Thanks."

The boy chuckled and ruffled your hair. You scowled and slapped his hand away and gave Eren a playful glare and stuck out your tongue.

"Rude." Eren laughed while placing his hand over his chest in mock hurt.

You flashed him a smile that made his stomach do somersaults and stood up and brushed off invisible dirt from your clothes, offering a hand to Eren who still sat.

A moment after he grabbed your hand to hoist himself up from the ground the reason why he came to find you popped back inside his mind.

"Oh! I almost forgot! Commander Erwin is looking for you."

Your eyebrows furrowed slightly. "Did he say why?"

"Er, no. Talia told me to tell you if I saw you." Eren said, giving you a apologetic smile.

_Did I do something wrong?_

"Thanks Eren." You sighed. "I guess I'll see you later?"

Eren nodded and waved as you shuffled down the slight hill back to the castle, the sun catching your (h/c) hair that made it shine like a halo. He wished he could spend more time with you but it seemed like everywhere he looked everyone was vying for your affection, whether it be the Commander or even Armin. If he was gonna ever get a chance to win you over he needed to step up his game...

*************************************

Usually a door would not be considered as something scary; but right now it sure was.

Of course you weren't scared of the wood that the door was made of (it was quite nice actually), you were scared of the person behind it, or rather what he was going to say.

You shifted your weight from one foot to another and raised your hand to knock on the polished wood before cursing under your breath and backing down again. You bit your lip angrily and glowered at the rectangular slab of brown in front of you.

When Eren told you Erwin was looking for you, you instantly started to worry. What if you did something wrong and he wanted to kick you out? What if he found out you beat up Isaac Klemens?

You growled and forced your fears from your mind. You were a damn warrior, not a little girl who was afraid of getting in trouble. So you sucked in a breath and knocked three times on the Commander's door.

A muffled 'come in' reached your ears and you pushed inside, the unmistakeable feel that something was going to go wrong wrenching at your gut.

Erwin sat in his leather chair, slightly hunched over his desk as he scribbled on the endless sea of papers stacked on his desk. His cerulean orbs were glued to the document on his desk and paid you no mind until the _click_ of your boots on stone reminded Erwin that someone was in his office.

The blond man's gaze swept up to your face and blinked before his mind processed who you were.

"(F/n)."

"Erwin."

Erwin smiled lightly and set down his pen and left his chair, some of his joints popping when he moved. The blond shut the door behind you, his hand ghosting over the middle of your back to lead you over to the leather seats that were placed on the other side of his desk. The light brush of his fingers made goosebumps pop up on your arms and your tried to rub them away.

Erwin took a seat, crossing his legs and then cleared his throat before he spoke. "You're not in trouble, (F/n)."

Relief flowed through you and you released a breath you didn't know you were holding, earning a chuckle from Erwin.

"Why did you want to see me?"

"It's about the expedition in about a week and a half. I just need you to clarify some things before I make some arrangements." Erwin hummed, breaking eye contact to shift through some files.

"Clarify what?"

"Do you remember your trial?" He asked, pausing his search for a file to glance up at you.

"Yeah." You shrugged, remembering all the faces and the old judge who decided your fate.

"I don't know how to put this nicely, but Im required to ask you if you plan to sabotage anything during the expedition."

You snorted and let your eyes drift down to your toes. Of course he was required to ask you this. You were a rogue, or more commonly a savage according to most everyone inside the walls. For all they knew you were out of control and a danger to their society.

"No." You quietly answered. "Im not."

Erwin nodded and continued. "If given the chance, would you desert your position to run back to your previous home."

"No."

"If Thomas were to die-"

"Don't say that!" You hissed suddenly, your eyes filling with venom as you glared at the Commander. He looked a bit taken aback by your harsh stare, a small frown settling on his features.

"(F/n)..."

"No, leave Thomas out of this." You growled. No way in hell were you going to let Thomas risk his life for these people.

"I can't do that, (F/n). Thomas has already been placed in a squad."

"Take him off."

"Again, I can't do that. Im sorry (F/n)."

Your teeth clamped down harshly on your bottom lip, the metallic taste of blood filling your tastebuds. A bubble of rage started to swell inside you and threatened to burst, but you tried forcing it away.

"No."

Erwin inhaled deeply and rubbed his right temple. You were too stubborn for your own good sometimes. "This isn't up for discussion, (F/n). I know you and Thomas are close, but you need to understand that he's capable enough to aid the freedom of humanity and we need as many soldiers as we can get."

You were practically shaking with rage, trying to contain the bubble of anger as Erwin continued to speak, but it was pressing against the surface too hard and popped with a vicious display of your fists connecting with the polished wood of Erwin's desk.

"NO! Thomas's life is _not_ yours to throw away. I can't let you people risk it." You spat, your nails digging into the wood, leaving small crescent-like shapes.

"(F/n), you both agreed to be here under the circumstances that you would serve humanity." Erwin tried reasoning even though trying to argue with you was like trying to move a mountain with your own two hands.

"He didn't, but I did." You argued. Thomas never agreed to follow the orders given to you during the trial, thinking he was on the same boat as you.

Unfortunately you were right. Thomas never did agree to anything, but then again he wasn't exactly born in your world beyond the walls...

"Please Erwin," you insisted, staring down the blond man in front you. Your anger was knocked down a few notches when you locked eyes with the calming ocean-like blue orbs of his, but refused to remove the steely glare from your own eyes.

The Commander let out a deep sigh and shifted in his seat. He wanted to give you what you wanted, and more, but he simply couldn't. After the last encounter with the Female Titan Erwin needed all the able bodied soldiers he could get, even if that meant you would be placed in danger.

"Im sorry."

The last strands of your anger fizzled out like water to flames and was replaced by the hollowness feel of defeat. You slumped back into your chair and blankly stared at the stacked files on Erwin's desk.

Your fingers dug painfully into your arms but the pain wasn't acknowledged, your mind too consumed by the haunting fear of loosing Thomas.

Before you could stop it, the graphic images of Thomas's death punched through you without resistance. 

Blood- so much blood, littering the ground with crimson pools from _him._ His eyes no longer held that curious spark within them, replaced with a glassy stare that became burned permanently inside your brain. A titan stood over his bleeding and broken body, the sadistic grin appearing to grow wider as it effortlessly lifted Thomas to its open mouth and bit down.

Stuck inside this nightmare you could do nothing but watch. Watch as the person you cared for even more than your own self disappear from existence, his blood forever staining your hands. You couldn't loose him, you just couldn't...

A solitary tear slipped from your blank (e/c) orbs and traveled down your cheek and dripped off your chin to splash against your leg. And then you spoke five simple words that stung Erwin's heart.

"He's all I have left."

Your looked so broken in that moment, your head bowed towards your feet that barely brushed the ground with your hands limply placed in your lap. Another tear fell from your eye which you quickly wiped away with your sleeve, but Erwin already saw.

What little resolve he had left broke into pieces and Erwin stood, walking around his desk to kneel beside your chair. "(F/n)." He murmured.

You hesitantly glanced up at Erwin, a red flush creeping up your cheeks when you noticed how close he was. You sniffed and looked away.

"I can't change the fact that Thomas is going on the expedition, but I _can_ make it so that you're in the same squad."

Your eyes snapped back to his, a small sliver of hope entering your (e/c) orbs. "Really?"

"Yes. But you-"

The Commander's sentence died in his throat when he felt your arms gently wrap themselves around his neck in a hug. Erwin was shocked at first but quickly recovered, (who knew when he'd have the chance to hug you again) and let his hands come up to rest on your back to hold you closer.

"Thank you, Erwin."

Your soft breath tickled his ear and before he knew it, your smaller self escaped Erwin's grasp and slipped through the door. The man stared after you for a few moments before standing and sitting back down in his chair, his mind still lingering on you.

The way you almost purred his name made butterflies erupt inside his stomach, and how perfect you felt in his arms made the Commander sigh in longing.

"You'll be the death of me, (F/n)."

*************************************

"Don't you dare, Thomas." Talia growled, staring daggers at the black haired boy across from her and her twin as Thomas tried swiping a piece of her bread.

The boy cackled and tore a piece off with a smug grin. Talia narrowed her eyes at Thomas as he dramatically ate the bread, making sure to hold their eye contact.

"Mm, this is really good bread Talia."

"Shut it you egg."

You would have laughed at the small banter if you had been listening. All of the noise passed right over your head like nothing had been said at all, too deep in thought to even process where you were.

Thomas made a move for Talia's bread again and when the lively girl kicked Thomas harshly under the table he jolted in pain, resulting in elbowing a certain someone right in the nose. That certain someone being you.

A pained yelp left you, ripping you away from your mind at the sharp, painful throbbing that came from your poor nose. You felt the blood start to drip from your nostrils and you quickly covered your bloody nose.

"(F/n)!" Thomas cried. "Shit! Im sorry!"

He hurriedly grabbed his dark green cloak that rested beside him and shooed your hands away that already had beads of blood dripping over your palms and down your wrists, creating crimson paths down your skin.

"Dude, the fuck." Talia said, gesturing to your nose.

Warren looked amused if anything at the scene and shook his head. This is was bound to happen eventually. Thomas and Talia were always bickering and you just happened to get stuck in the crossfire...again. Last time Talia had accidentally tripped you in her haste to chase Thomas after he had pulled on her braid.

And now, this time you had a bloody nose that didn't look like it would stop bleeding anytime soon.

"Ouch! Stop!" Came your muffled cry of protest as Thomas tried stopping the stream of blood.

"Hold still! Jeez! Cinna was right, you are a whiner."

_Ouch._

Warren even cringed as Thomas said this. It had been an unspoken rule that no one in your small group of friends should _ever_ mention the doctor that Thomas was infatuated with. Yet that was all your closest friend could ever talk about nowadays and in all honesty it stung a little.

You wouldn't let yourself see it but the small shifts in the boy were evident to Talia and Warren. He was slowly leaving you behind for something shinier and prettier; that something being Cinna Ramirez and it wasn't good.

"What?" You said icily, your voice still muffled by the cloth around your nose and mouth.

Thomas shrugged, brushing you off and carefully removing the material, his mouth twitching up in a wince at the damage. Dark red was smeared all over your nose and even ended up on your chin, fresh blood still dipped from your nostrils stained in scarlet. It didn't look broken but Thomas honestly couldn't tell through the bloody mess.

"Maybe we should go get Hanji or Cinna?" He lightly suggested, flashing you a nervous smile.

"Im fine." You said flatly, your face hardening at the mention of Cinna's name. The mere mention of her could send you right into a foul mood that could last a whole day or possibly more.

"What's up with you today?" He snorted, raising a brow at your steely look you gave him.

" _Nothing._ Im _fine."_

"Sorry I asked." The boy grumbled, backing off to let you tend to your own nose.

Usually Thomas's recent coldness towards you didn't bother you much. You thought he was just going through a mood or something, so you were patient and let the snarky comments or his seemingly uncaring façade slide. But today after the meeting with Erwin, your emotions were spread thin and jumbled up into a confusing mess.

"You know, maybe you need a break (F/n). You've been kinda crabby lately." Thomas continued, ignoring the sharp glares Talia and Warren were giving him. This wasn't going to end well...

Your nostrils flared and you furiously stood from your seat, knocking over your chair and making the table wobble. The loud noise of the heavy wood connecting with stone caught people's attention, namely the 104th squadron, a few of their faces stuck in surprise as you stood angrily over Thomas with blood smeared over the majority of your face.

"Maybe Im just a naturally crabby person." You hissed through clenched teeth.

"(F/n) look Im sorry, ok? I didn't mean to elbow you." He said softly. "Sit back down, please?" He hummed, scooping up the fallen chair and patting it lightly to try and invite you back.

 _You think this about my nose?! You're fucking stupid._ You screamed inside your head. You bit the inside of your lip forcefully and held back your anger. You cared deeply for Thomas and you knew if you brought up your issues with Cinna it would turn into something _way_ bigger and most likely ruin your friendship. So you shut your mouth.

"I'll see you later, Thomas." You spat, tossing his cloak back to him and turning on your heel towards the table where Hanji sat. It wouldn't hurt to see if your nose was broken...

Your feet carried you past the now silent group of the 104th, refusing to look at them in slight fear of letting them see how hurt your (e/c) looked. Some of them frowned but let you walk without disruption.

You quickly reached the end of the table were Hanji sat, her front facing the stoic Corporal who sipped his tea in that odd way he did. At first the short man only gave you a bored glance but instantly took a double take upon seeing your bloody face.

"Shit, what happened to you, brat?"

Hanji stopped her constant blabbering and whipped around so quickly you thought her glasses were going to fly off her face. Her warm brown orbs widened into small dinner plates and shot up to hug you tightly.

"(F/n)!" She cried. "What happened?!"

"Nothing." You lied, pushing the brunette off of you and slumping in a seat next to her. "It was just an accident."

Corporal Levi eyed your face and scoffed. You looked disgusting with all that blood on you, spots of it staining the cloth of that stupid grey cloak you always wore and the white pants that hugged your skin snugly.

"Can you check if it's broken?" You mumbled out after Hanji fussed over you, asking pointless question that you didn't care to answer.

"Yes of course! Here, let's get you cleaned up first. Levi you come too."

"Tch, why?"

"You know why." The woman purred, glancing to you and then to Levi, giving the irate man a knowing wink.

The man scowled angrily and begrudgingly sat up to follow the brunette who tugged you out of the dinning hall and into the quiet hallway. You didn't need to look back to know that the Corporal followed closely behind you. He emitted this certain aurora that reminded you of Anthony, but somehow it felt different. Comfortable even, like the darkness behind the stars; intriguing yet off-putting at the same time.

Hanji all but kicked down her own door and rushed you over to the leather couch inside her private office. The brooding Corporal chose a corner to darken and glared impassively at the brunette who dug through her drawers for something. Hanji muttered under her breath and popped over to you, your body perched on the edge of the couch like a bird ready to take flight at a moments notice.

"I don't have any gauze, so Im gonna run down to the Med wing, so stay here okay?" Hanji smiled, patting your head before leaving. "I'll be back in a flash. And make sure she doesn't leave, ok Levi?"

The silent man grunted in response and sneered in disgust when more blood fell from you nose, the back of your hand coming up to wipe it away, making an even bigger mess. He sighed angrily and pulled out his cravat from around his neck with a snap and stalked over to you.

Levi planted himself in front of you and held out the square piece of pristine white cloth. Your eyes drifted up to the sharp grey orbs of the Corporal's and then down to the cloth, then back up again in question.

Levi clicked his tongue in annoyance at your refusal to take his cravat and gracefully sat on your left side.

"You're going to get blood all over the fucking couch."

When you didn't answer or take the cloth he clicked his tongue again and roughly took hold of your chin so that you faced him. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly in protest and you opened your mouth to snap at the man, but shut it when Levi gave you a glare that rivaled your own, daring you to speak.

"Filthy brat." He muttered under his breath as he wiped away the drying blood on your chin with a grimace.

Surprisingly for how rough and violent the Corporal could be (from what you've heard) he was being gentle with your poor face. Only cleaning the areas that weren't close to your nose while muttering angry complaints about how pathetic and filthy you were.

When Levi pulled his hand away with the now bloodied cloth, he inspected his work and scowled as more of the crimson liquid fell. In irritation the black haired man pinched your two nostrils closed and forcefully pushed your head back so that your eyes glared up into the rafters instead of him. You hissed in pain, the throbbing increasing at his touch.

"You're gross."

"It's blood." Came your nasally reply.

"Still gross."

You snorted, causing more needle-like pains to pierce your nose and you winced. Damn Thomas's elbow...

"Did another one of those brats do this to you?" Levi asked flatly, his face invisible to your eyes, only having the rafters to stare at. 

"Thomas elbowed me by accident." You grumbled out.

"Is that the cadet who Doctor Ramirez is fucking?"

You frowned. Were they? All you've seen was the occasional kissing in the hallways or dinning hall, but you wouldn't put it past Cinna to toy with him like that. "I-I don't know, I guess..."

"Tch, you and him are friends right? Don't you talk and shit?" Levi huffed out, moving the cloth away from your nose for a moment to check if the bleeding stopped.

You shrugged and flinched as Levi dabbed at the blood under your nose. You swallowed down a whimper and chewed your lip, you didn't really want to talk about Thomas right now and opted to not answer the Corporal's question.

"The bleeding stopped." The grey eyed male stated after a moment, releasing his hold on your nose and tossed you the mostly red cravat.

"Thanks." You mumbled out, your (e/c) orbs darting to Levi's stoic face and then to your bloody hands. You twirled the cravat between your fingers and felt the Corporal burn holes with his grey orbs into the side of your skull.

You glanced sideways at the man and parted your mouth to question way he continued to study you, only to be interrupted by Hanji punching open the door, both of you jumping in surprise.

"Im back!" She sang, skipping over to you and shooing Levi off the couch.

Her touch was somehow harsher than Levi's and you suddenly missed his soft touches. Hanji hummed happily, poking and prodding at your nose until you fought back the pained tears that threatened to spill.

"It's not broken," Hanji concluded, unraveling a piece of gauze to wipe away the blood that Levi missed. "Just a bad bruise."

You nodded and grimaced when Hanji placed an icepack on the wounded area, giving you a empathetic smile. "Hold that on for a while and the swelling will go down."

You nodded in thanks, standing up to leave Hanji's small office to maybe catch an hour or two of sleep before you needed to train. You paused at the door and gave a little wave to both Levi and Hanji, disappearing into the hallway a moment later.

Once you were out of sight the brunette rounded on the short Corporal and excitedly smiles. "Did you tell (F/n) you're hopelessly in love with her?"

"Fuck off, Shitty Glasses."

"So, no?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhg Im so sorry this took like two weeks to write, Im awful. But I made it extra long! Hope you like! Also don't be afraid to put in a request for a certain character!


	18. Last Day On Earth

 

  
_Blood. That was all you could see before you._

_The biting cold was quickly numbing your hands; a stark contrast to the warm blood that still trickled out._

_Your mind barely registered when you fell to your knees, the cold snow soaking through the thick pants you were given. You blankly stared at the blurry figure, too afraid to look at him directly. You knew if you did, his face would be contorted into a look of utter horror, his blank and glassy eyes stuck open for all eternity. Because of you._

_Your hand that clenched the knife so tightly that your knuckles turned white slipped from your red coated fingers with a small thunk and landed in the powdery snow next to you, stained red._

_A hand just as cold as the snow, perhaps even colder, glided over your arm and gripped it tightly. You blinked back the tears threatening to spill and harshly bit your lip. You couldn't let him see you cry, not this time._

_"You did well." He purred, moving his hand up to lightly stroke your hair, much like an owner would do to his dog._

_Nausea swirled inside your stomach as your nose caught another whiff of the metallic like scent of blood and the stench of alcohol. You dared not look at the man behind you in fear of him punishing you, even if his chilled digits against your scalp made your skin crawl._

_"Three more and then you're one of us." He hissed, pulling away his hand and reaching down to pick up the fallen knife. He eyed it with distaste and wiped the red liquid off on his dark slacks. "Messy. Fix it next time."_

_You slowly nodded. "Yes, Sir."_

_He hummed in acknowledgment and grasped your arm to tug you up from the ground. Your knees shook slightly and it took all of your willpower not to stumble back to the sodden ground._

_"Stand up, you're acting like a child." The man chided, his fingers digging into your small harm even harder._

_A small wince of pain slipped past your lips as he pinched your skin and began to walk. Your (e/c) orbs glanced back one last time at the corpse splayed out unceremoniously on the ground. You bit the inside of your cheek harshly and ripped your eyes away before suppressed emotions could bubble up and overflow._

_What if he had family? Is someone waiting for him?_

_An image of a worried wife and children huddled up by a dying fire waiting for the man you had just slaughtered flashed through your mind, sending a serrated knife of guilt through your heart. You couldn't help but choke back a sob at the thought._

_The man; Anthony, sighed in irritation at your sob. With a groan he stopped your trek through the snow and took a knee to level himself to you. Your darting (e/c) orbs refused to look directly at him which amused him greatly. At least you knew to fear him._

_"Kestrel." He purred, his lips curling into a sneer. "What do we always say?"_

_You took a shaky inhale of breath and stared at your boots that were speckled in blood before answering him. "We don't cry for the dead."_

_"That's right." Anthony sneered. "So tell me, why do you_ **_feel_ ** _for him?"_

_His voice took on a more bitting and dangerous tone, one you were all too familiar with that sent a shiver down your spine. His spider-like digits slipped under your chin and lifted it up to face him, his pearly white teeth flashing a dangerous grin._

_Your words were lodged in your throat, stuck like glue when fear trickled through your veins as his fingers drifted up to grip your hair tightly. You whimpered in pain at the sting and let your eyes slide over to his pale, ghostly blue ones._

_"Aren't you going to answer me, Kestrel?" He purred, gripping your hair tighter and tighter until salty tears dripped down your cheeks._

_"P-please." You cried out, your fingers clawing at his hand, attempting to make him let go. Your scalp felt like it was on fire, ripping more pained gasps from you._

_He only laughed, the sound mimicking how the wind blows through dead trees and plants; dry and brittle. He then forced you down to your knees, like him, and pressed the side of your face to the cold, unforgiving ground. You_ _cried out more and tried squirming out from his grip, the strange angle that your neck was pressed into made it harder to breath and you struggled for release._

_Your eyes frantically darted around, looking for some kind of escape from Anthony; but there wasn't one. The only thing you could see were the dark unfocused eyes of the bloody man a few meters away. His corpse a glimpse into what Anthony held in store for you._

_Panic washed over in thick pulses as the sound of Anthony's laughter grew and the sound of unsheathed metal echoed through your eardrums._

_"You didn't answer me."_

_A pain so fierce that you couldn't help but scream, ripped through your skull. It felt like someone tore your mind in half like paper. Your vision faded into red and then to nothing, the only thing you could feel was the throbbing pain that refused to subside._

_Is this what dying felt like?..._

"NO!"

With a violent jolt you snapped open your eyes and sat up straight, your hands coming up to grip your head while your lungs heaved for air. You could hear blood pounding through your ears, making the migraine worse while your heart beat wildly against your ribcage; and for a moment you believed it would burst from your chest.

You slowly began to regain your hold on reality and your breathing just enough to uncurl your fingers from your hair and nervously glance around the darkened corners of your room. Nothing that you could see was out of place except for Lark's book that had fallen from your bed when you shifted in your sleep.

Your (e/c) orbs took another glance around before slipping off your bed. You hissed as your feet made contact with the chilled stone and hurriedly pulled on your worn boots. It wasn't like you were going back to bed anytime soon...

You sighed and rubbed your eyes. The nightmares where becoming more and more frequent, the majority of them involving just Thomas, but as of now they began to shift into Anthony's face. Even hundreds of miles away Anthony still managed to terrorize you.

You sighed and ran a hand through your tangled hair and padded over to the window. The pale sickle moon cast some light over the trees outside of the castle, casting strange shadows with each sway of the branches. The longer you stared the more your eyes caught on to more flickers and darkened shapes and if you were being completely honest it looked like there was a shadowy figure hovering on the edge of the wood; waiting, perhaps watching even.

You blinked and rubbed your eyes and gazed out the window once more and found that the figure was gone. It was nothing, just a trick your tired mind played.

"Just a shadow..." You murmured, bending down to carefully pick up Lark's book and toss it on the small nightstand next to your bed.

The little journal made a small _thunk_ and pulled a wince from you. Even if the bound leather was durable you still hated it when the small book bumped up against something a bit too hard, reminding you of how precious the item was to you.

You sighed and trailed your fingers over the cover as an image of Lark floated around your mind. The longer you stayed here the weaker his image became each time you though of him. He was slowly fading and it hurt.

You sniffed and snatched the book off your nightstand and shoved it under your pillow before quietly prying open your door and stepping out into the silent corridor. You needed to clear your head. The expedition was the day after tomorrow and letting your silly emotions run wild right now wasn't the best course of action. Especially if they were about someone who was long gone.

Humming softly under your breath you carefully made your way to the library. It was the perfect place to clear your head and instead fill it with fantastical adventures that Armin had introduced you too. Plus, at this hour no one would be there.

The library was dark and the only thing that illuminated the countless shelves of books was the gentle light of the moon streaming in through the small window. The corner of your lips lifted into a small smile and you let your feet carry you over to the shelves. You let your fingers travel along the spines as you walked down the isles carelessly, the familiar tunes of Lark's song pushing past your lips and disrupting the fragile silence of the large room.

You lost track of how many corners your rounded and how many books you passed but a flicker of orange caught your eye. You stopped in your tracks and cocked your head to the side in curiosity.

Yellowish light from a candle seeped across the floor and spread up on the wall, flickering each time air threatened to put it out. You could see the silhouette of a person shift every few moments, your ears picking up a slight creak in the chair or a sigh from the person.

It looked like you weren't the only one having trouble sleeping.

Your footsteps were nearly inaudible as your shuffled closer to the source of light and pressed yourself against the shelf. You peeked out from your hiding spot and focused on the hunched over figure who muttered something under their breath and ran a hand through their blond tresses.

When they leaned back in their chair you quickly realized it was Armin, a small smile pulling at your lips. You stepped out into the full light of the candle behind him and watched him thoughtfully for a moment or two, your eyes scanning the numerous papers and books that littered the table in front of him.

"Hey Armin."

The boy must of jumped three feet into the air at the sound of your voice and slipped from his chair and onto the floor, bringing with him a heavy book and a few papers to the floor. His startled blue eyes landed on your face and blushed a deep scarlet.

"O-oh, (F/n)! You scared me." He laughed nervously, jumping up to brush himself off.

You giggled and rolled your eyes, bending down to pick up the sheet of paper closest to your feet and handing it to the nervous blond. Armin mumbled out a thank you and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, his blue eyes searching the floor for more of his papers that fell.

"What are you doing up so late?" Armin asked, crouching down to reach under the table to grab another sheet.

You shrugged and picked up the heavy book that still was on the ground and flipped it over to the front. It read _The Wonders of the World Beyond Us_ and was a dark green color. It was a bit worn down and the pages looked wrinkled and stained in some places suggesting it was an older book, probably older than you.

"I needed to clear my head." You responded a second later, gently setting the thick book back on the table and glancing back at the boy near you.

He nodded in understanding and gave you a sweet smile. "Well, do you want to stay here for a bit?"

His offer made your heart flutter at his kindness and you were quick to agree. The boy's face lit up and he pulled out the chair beside his own.

The blond stretched his back and then took a seat to shuffle his various papers and organize them before settling down with his pen to continue scribbling down notes and suggestions for the expedition. You were content on just watching him for the moment.

Your eyes wandered from his moving hand up to his gentle features that were bathed in the soft candlelight. The little flame showed up in Armin's eyes and made his orbs that matched a perfect spring sky sparkle in the dim lighting as they stared in concentration. Your eyes then traveled lower and landed on his cute little nose that turned ever so slightly upwards and then down to his lips that were colored a soft pink and looked smooth to the touch.

_I wonder what it would feel like if I ki-_

A pink tint covered your cheeks and you hurriedly ripped your gaze away and shoved the forming thought so far from your mind that the devil could probably find it on his dinning room table. You cleared your throat and dragged the book over to your lap so you had something to busy yourself with instead of staring at poor Armin like a creep.

You flipped through some of the pages, delighted to see the various pictures drawn inside it. You didn't bother with the small words covering the pages and instead searched for the images. They varied from the vast forests outside the walls to the mountains miles away with snowy peaks and treacherous paths that promised certain death if you dared climb them. But it wasn't the gloomy forests or the high mountains that caught your eye, it was the solitary image of a place you never thought you would ever see again.

Raven called it the end of the world when she brought you there but Anthony had called it the ocean. You recalled how fascinated you were with it and how the chilly water surged around your bare feet and gently tugged on your ankles when the water receded, as if it begged you to join it. You remembered the smell of salt in the air and the sound of small waves crashing against the shore and Thomas's laughter. Lark was there too, sketching in that little book you now had with a face of peacefulness.

You frowned at the memory and traced your fingers over the image as if you could touch the cold, salty water. Armin must of noticed you stroking the drawing and the lack of page turning and paused his writing to gaze curiously at you.

Your lips held a little frown and your eyebrows were knitting together slightly while your gorgeous (e/c) orbs were glazed over in deep thought. You were probably remembering something and by the looks of it, it wasn't a good memory.

As much as Armin didn't want to intrude on your past he was overflowing with questions the minute he met you. Of course he stopped himself each time he was about to ask after he saw one of your relapses of a past trauma first hand. But right now you seemed to radiate sadness and the boy couldn't stop the words that slipped from his mouth.

"Do you miss it?"

Your gaze shifted up to his own and you tilted your head to the side in confusion. "What?"

"Outside the walls, do you miss it?" He pressed, glancing down at the picture your fingers still touched then back again to you.

The question caught you off guard and your brows furrowed further in thought. You didn't answer the boy for a long moment and for a second the blond began to worry he crossed a line.

"No," you said suddenly, voice just barely above a whisper. "I don't."

"Why not?" He said softly, carefully watching you for any signs of discomfort.

A sad smile crossed your lips and you broke your eye contact to stare at the worn book. "Places are just places, Armin. You miss something because of someone in it, not because of the place around you."

"Then who do you miss?"

Armin caught a a flash of pain enter your eyes but it disappeared as fast as it came. Your fingers gripped the side of the book tightly until your knuckles turned white. You breathed in deeply and then released the pages and smoothed out the crinkles before replying.

"A man named Lark." You all but mumbled. "I-I miss him."

With a shaky breath you stared up at Armin and gave him a weak smile. "You would of liked him. Lark was the reason me and Thomas survived long enough to get here. I-I just wish he came with us..."

Your voice became shaky and you stopped. You looked away again and sucked in another breath to calm yourself, even if your throat felt tight and tears began to sting your eyes.

"He was the only person that gave a damn about me and I caused him so much pain. I should of been the one to die, not him."

"Don't say that." Armin said with a deep frown. Seeing you like this made his heart throb in sorrow and made the boy want to throw his arms around you and never let go. And besides... this Lark guy wasn't the only one who gave a damn about you.

"It's true, Armin. I should of died a long time ago."

Armin felt his heart twist in pain again and before he realized what he was doing he reached for your hand that sat limply in your lap. His fingers covered you own and gave them a gentle squeeze.

"But you're not dead, (F/n). You're here now with Thomas and you're both alive."

You blushed lightly at the contact. Armin's hands were warm and surprisingly soft for a soldier and when you lifted your head up his blue eyes were already gazing at you. He smiled softly and rubbed tiny circles on your hand with his thumb. The small motions made goosebumps form on your arms and you were tempted to pull away but at the same time it felt nice.

"Armin..."

"You know, a lot of people care about you (F/n), I know I do. So don't say things like that, ok?" Armin hummed, slowly scooting closer to you. "I know this is hard, but sometimes you need to let go of people that are gone if they're causing you more pain than necessary."

_I know..._ You nodded and felt something slip down the side of your face and land on the back of Armin's hand. The boy was quick to cup your face and wipe away the next tear that fell with his thumb, flashing you a smile.

The atmosphere between you suddenly changed into what could only be described as intimate. Armin's warm hand that cradled your cheek subconsciously pulled you closer almost to the point where only a few inches separated you but the boy abruptly pulled back when his mind registered what was happening.

You were friends for fuck's sake! Even if Armin was hopelessly in love with you he couldn't risk ruining the fragile bond you had made with him. From what he had seen you didn't make easy friends due to your gruff exterior and odd mannerisms; so the blond treasured what he had. Of course that wouldn't stop him from seeking a relationship with you, but kissing you out of the blue was no way to go about a thing like this.

_She probably doesn't even know what a kiss is you dumbass._ Armin screeched at himself. You barely could get a hug from someone without flinching!

He sighed and dropped his hand from your face and glanced at his documents that still needed to be filled and handed in by tomorrow. "You should get some rest, (F/n)."

You slowly nodded and slipped your hand from Armin's and stood up to leave, oblivious to the blond's internal struggle. You ruffled his mop of flaxen tresses with a grin regardless of your heavy heart and made your journey back to the dark room where your bed awaited you. "Night, Armin."

When you disappeared from Armin's line of sight he let out an exasperated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. Even when you weren't in the room you still plagued his mind with your cute little smile and that heavenly voice of yours that said his name so perfectly. ~~He wondered if his name on your lips sounded differently in bed...~~

"Damn you and your pretty face."

************************************************************************************************************************

The next morning you awoke a few hours later from your late night excursion to an angry pounding on your door. You didn't even have a foot on the ground before a certain blonde haired girl wrenched open your door with a smile.

"(F/n)! Time for breakfast!" Talia sang, skipping over to your form who still sat tangled in the sheets with a grumpy frown.

You gave the girl a weak glare and left your warm nest of blankets to sluggishly reach for your uniform.

"Can't I just sleep?" You grumbled out, slipping your legs into the white pants and throwing on an undershirt. "I can grab food later."

"Nope!" Talia said. "We have a meeting after breakfast about squads. After that we have some down time and I wanna spend it with you, Thomas and my brother."

You grunted in reply and slowly began the process of putting on the crisscrossing leather straps of the harness on, cursing whenever they twisted. If it weren't for Talia being here you would probably have given up ages ago and be asleep in your bed, but you were stuck under your friend's watchful eyes.

When you slipped on your boots and reached for your gray cloak Talia's hand stopped you. You raised an eyebrow at the girl and gave her a strange stare.

"I think you wanna wear these today just so you get used to them for tomorrow." The girl explained, pulling out the tan jacket and forest green cloak with the wings of freedom stitched on the fabric out of the small dresser in your room.

You eyed the fabric warily but let Talia hand you the jacket and the cloak. You slipped the jacket on with an irritated sigh and then the cloak.

"This is stupid. I don't like it." You groaned at Talia. The jacket was much too fitting for your liking and the cloak smelled like sawdust.

The blonde rolled her eyes and grabbed your shoulders and led you out the door and into the hallway all the while you spouted out complaints. The girl behind you only chuckled and at your weak attempts to escape her, only letting you walk on your own when you settled down with a grumpy pout.

"You look nice ya know." Talia hummed, glancing down at you. Normally you would only wear that tattered grey cloak that made you stick out like a sore thumb, but today you fit in with the crowd.

You grunted in reply and crossed your arms in irritation. Of course you weren't mad at Talia, you knew it was probably Erwin who forced you to dress like this, but you would make sure Talia knew how much you hated this.

"C'mon Grumpy Pants, let's eat."

Surprisingly when you entered the dining hall Thomas was already there chatting with Warren who lazily flipped through a book while shoveling oatmeal into his mouth. Warren's eyes flicked up in greeting when his sister neared and shuffled over to make room for you both.

"Your nose is looking better, (F/n)!" Thomas nervously chuckled, his dark eyes flitting down to the faint bruise that still covered your nose.

"Er, yeah..." You mumbled, sitting in the seat with an untouched tray of food. "It doesn't really hurt anymore."

"That's good." The dark haired boy smiled. "Im still really sorry, (F/n)."

You waved the boy off with a small smile and spooned some grey oatmeal into your mouth. It tasted like nothing and was way too watery but you couldn't complain; it was better than starving. And plus it was a _great_ way to piss of Talia if you flung it at her face according to Thomas.

"THOMAS!"

You ducked just in time to avoid another painful encounter of an elbow to the nose and scooted a good two feet away from the screeching girl that had just been assaulted by grey porridge. Thomas doubled over in laughter and clutched his stomach.

Talia was fuming and made empty threats to your best friend while Warren ignored the yelling completely. The tall blond boy sighed and flipped another page in his book, regardless of his sister arming herself with a fork and pointing it at a giggling Thomas.

You chuckled at the scene and shook your head.

And then a thought so crushing that it nearly ripped your heart in two weaseled itself into your mind and formed a hollow pit within your chest.

_What if this is the last time I see all of you?_

And then it seemed like everything that you had ever experienced with your new friends was taken for granted. So in that very moment you decided to utter out four words you never thought you would ever hear yourself say;

" _I love you guys..._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Im sooooooooooo sorry for the wait! Ive just been super stressed but I'll try to update again this week! The next few chapters are gonna be about the expedition so yeah! I still don't know how many chapter there will be, but Im thinking it will be close to 40-45! Again, if you wan't to put in a request for a certain character or scenario or whatevs please do so! 
> 
> Thank you so much for your support! I love you all!!


	19. The 62nd Expedition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dudes! Im sorry this took more then a month to come out!!! I super sorry! But yeah, sorry its so long! I hope you enjoy it!

"Im worried about (F/n)."

"You always are."

"And you aren't?"

A pair of soldiers, one female and the other male, stood side by side gazing out into the darkness of the early morning. The boy's features were unreadable and placid, much like how the girl named (F/n) expressed on her daily visage. His dark orbs gazed blankly into the inky horizon and left the question unanswered and let a silence packed with underlaying tones of anxiety and obscure sorrows overtake their conversation.

A slight breeze swept up around them and lifted the ends of the dark green cloaks they wore and tousled the boy's hair. A shiver was sent down the girl's spine by the chilly gust along with the scent of damp leaves, hinting that it could possibly rain later that day.

"No."

The delayed sound of Thomas's voice echoed in her ears and caused Talia to pass a sideways glance at the shorter boy who still refused to hint at any emotion he was feeling currently. Even a small twitch of his eye would comfort Talia, but the boy didn't budge.

"Why not?"

The black haired boy paused again and for a moment Talia believed he wouldn't answer, but with a sigh Thomas shifted his weight to another leg and glanced at his friend.

"(F/n) has and will always be a survivor, that's just the way it's always been. She won't die out there today because she's too stubborn to let a fucking titan finish her off."

Talia snorted at this and finally caught the faint upturn of Thomas's lips in the darkness surrounding them. If you looked closely you could see the tiny, thin scar _just_ below his bottom lip that stretched out when he smiled or spoke. Talia decided she liked his little scar, it suited him somehow she thought...

"Im worried about you too Thomas." Talia said, her voice lowing in volume as though someone was listening in to their conversation.

Her golden orbs that held traces of what seemed like the sun itself flicked up to Thomas's own eyes, dark and bottomless. Although he was still refusing to show his usual liveliness outwardly his eyes betrayed all of his worries. Of course he was a little worried about you, how could he not be? You were his best friend and loosing you would surly tear a hole in his heart, but Talia didn't need to know that and she would not address it herself.

"You shouldn't worry about me. It sucks, I know, but you can't worry about other people while you're out there, it'll land you in a grave." Thomas hummed to the girl while clasping his hands behind his back, wrinkling the green material around his arms.

Talia shrugged. That wasn't possible for her. She loved you and Thomas and especially her brother, how the hell was she supposed to _not_ worry? The blonde girl inhaled deeply and forced those thoughts away. The expedition was a few hours away and fussing over the unknown was probably not the best thing to dwell on now.

"Why are we really here, Talia?" Thomas asked softly, slowly letting his eyes wander back out to the far away fields and shadowy forests.

 _Oh, that's right..._ Talia had gotten sidetracked once again.  She felt kind of bad for dragging Thomas out here for a minuscule problem that probably meant nothing, but it was bothering her and she needed to get it off her chest. No use in dying with regrets.

"Promise not to get mad, ok?" The blonde mumbled out, her gaze dipping to her her toes.

Thomas shrugged and said nothing.

"You've been drifting..." Talia said, pausing in between breaths to find the right words to say without angering the boy next to her. "I..I don't really know how to explain it and I know you like to make new friends and all but...you've just-"

"Let me guess, this is about Cinna." Thomas interrupted, his head swiveling to lightly glare at Talia. He crossed his arms across his chest and spun to face her with a scowl.

"Sort of? I dunno how to put this without it sounding bad, but ever since you've met Doctor Ramirez you've been a bit harsher towards (F/n)." Talia told him, wincing as Thomas's frown grew and a familiar spark of anger twirled within his eyes. Maybe she shouldn't of said anything...

"What's that supposed to mean?" He growled out.

"It means that you're being a dick to your closest friend and it hurts to watch. I can't imagine what (F/n) feels like after you repeat something that your shitty girlfriend said about her."

During her little rant her own spark of anger roared to life as Thomas clenched his fists and flushed a light shade of red.

" _Don't_ talk about her like that. Cinna isn't poisoning my mind or whatever you think she's doing."

Talia snorted and bit the inside of her cheek harshly, tasting blood a moment later. "Right. Whatever. The point is that you need to fucking treat your friend like she's not garbage."

Thomas was practically shaking with rage. The boy's dark brows were furrowed in a deep 'v' and his void-like orbs glowered daggers at Talia. This was not how the girl wanted this to go but if Thomas wanted a fight he'd get one.

"Maybe that's what she is! You ever thought of that?! Im surprised you can still stand to be around (F/n) after the things she's done!" He fumed, baring his teeth in a ferrel snarl. His clenched hands threatened to swing as he raised them up to his chest, attempting to frighten the girl in front of him into backing down; Talia didn't even flinch at the action.

His words fanned the ever growing flames of red hot anger inside Talia's chest and she took a step closer, towering over the boy by at least two inches. " _What?"_

"You heard me." Thomas hissed. "Those things Cinna says about (F/n) are true and the longer I stay here the more I realize how damaged she is!"

Talia gawked at the boy and couldn't stop herself from snatching the front of his shirt and dragging him closer, so close that she could feel Thomas's hot breath fan across her face. "She. Is. Your. FRIEND!"

Thomas roughly shoved the girl away from him and stumbled back a few paces before rounding on Talia. "It's different out there Talia! We needed each other back then but now we don't! I want to move on and (F/n) is only dragging me down with her!"

"Who the fuck cares?!" Talia screeched at the boy. "I don't know what's gotten into you but this isn't the Thomas I know!"

"We all change." He spat out bitterly.

Talia dug her teeth into the soft flesh of her bottom lip and shot a poisonous stare at Thomas. She sucked in a breath to try and calm her heaving lungs and racing heart, but it did nothing to smother the flames of her anger.

How could someone who cared so deeply about another just toss them away like they were nothing? She didn't understand and it frustrated her! Sure you were a little unstable, but so was Talia, and Warren, and even Erwin Smith. Yet that was no excuse for Thomas's bitting words towards you.

"You don't mean it." Talia forced out, trying to harness in her emotions. "You can't."

And in that moment Talia swore she saw a flash of regret behind the wall of infuriation in his eyes. His lips pursed into a thin line and the black haired boy eyed her with disdain.

Talia didn't get it and she never would. He wished she did. Wished the blonde female could understand why every time Thomas saw you he felt guilty.

Guilty because you reminded him of every face he ever knew outside the walls and he just let them die because you dragged him away.

Guilty because he knew you were battling your own demons and he never lifted a finger to help you.

And guilty because he knew how much you cared about him and would give him your heart if he asked you and in return he gave you nothing but more pain.

Thomas would _always_ care for you but for him it was easier to hate than to accept his own problems, and you just happened to be the only who _could_ understand. And maybe that's where this was coming from...he finally had the chance to start over and forget but seeing you everyday ripped open the fragile stitches and never let the wounds of the past heal.

Thomas had already burned so many bridges, so why try and fix them if he knew they would never be rebuilt...

"Fuck you."

*************************************************************************************************************************************  
The stench of gasoline filled your nostrils as you filled the tank for your gear, making sure not to spill any of the yellowish liquid. Talia was beside you, hunched over with a deep angry scowl on her face as she filled her own tank.

You were tempted to ask her what was bothering her but after seeing the way she snapped at Warren earlier at breakfast, you changed your mind. An angry Talia was a scary Talia.

"(F/n)."

You glanced over your shoulder at the sound of your name, and recognized Thomas's mop of shaggy black hair. You quickly capped your fuel tanks and set them aside so you could stand. You watched as his eyes danced over to Talia for a brief second and then quickly returned to you.

"I thought you were with Cinna." You said, cocking your head to the side in confusion.

"I was." He replied softly. "But Commander Erwin asked me to tell you that there's a meeting in twenty minutes."

"Oh, alright."

With that he gave a little wave and turned on his heel, escaping from your view and Talia's dark aurora. Some part of you wished he had more to say to you than just relay messages from Erwin, but if this was the only he way he would initiate conversation with you, you were all for it.

"Dick.."

You glanced down at the girl who muttered angrily under her breath after Thomas left and sighed. Something told you that this was more than just a little spat between them.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

"It doesn't seem like nothing." You hummed, bending down to pick up the heavy maneuvering gear so you could attach them to your thighs.

 _Blades..I should get blades before we leave._ You thought after eyeing the empty slots were your blades _should_ have been. Slightly puzzled at your misplaced weapons you spun slowly around to check if you had just simply moved them aside. _Nope.._

Leaving you no time to ponder over your missing blades, Talia capped her fuel tank and stood up hastily and clipped on her gear. She scowled as your brow arched at her current mood as she brushed past you.

"I don't wanna talk about it now, (F/n). Go find Warren or something for blade replacements; yours were dull." She called behind her, hurriedly leaving the large storage room before your could catch her.

"I guess I found where my blades went..." you grumbled to yourself, stepping around a few people before heading out in search for sharper steel.

You felt as if you had wandered around aimlessly for hours around the gothic castle(it had only been 15 minutes in reality but then again your time perception was quite awful). You never found Warren and only proceeded to ask for help from a fellow soldier after a few mishaps of going down random corridors and finding dead ends.

You later learned the soldiers name once she led you to the courtyard where a few soldiers still mingled and chatted idly. Her name was Kesley Reis, 8th in ranking of the 105th trainee squad, who had short brown hair that matched the color of nutmeg with splashes of brown freckles across her tan skin.

"You're (F/n), right?" She squeaked out after reaching the courtyard. Kesley's doe-like orbs fluttered from one spot on your face to another, unsure of where to look. Down to your nose then up to your eyes, towards the left, to your chin, and then back to your eyes for a fleeting second then away again.

"Yes.."

"O-oh! I never thought I'd ever get a chance to meet you! It's an honor!" The taller female sputtered while a crooked smile spread across her face. "You're a living legend!"

You scoffed at this. You were in no way a legend. All you did was climb a stupid wall and hack away at some titans, that was _not_ legendary.

Kesley, noticing your slight scowl quickly clammed up and rubbed her arm in embarrassment. A red tinge pricked her cheeks and she stared down at her toes.

"S-sorry, I get carried away sometimes." She mumbled.

"It's fine." You shrugged, pausing at the large set up of blades on the table. "Thanks for the help."

The short haired brunette nodded and gave you a quick salute before scurrying away, leaving you to your self once again.

"I'd like some blades please."

*********************************************************************************************************************************

The meeting lasted an hour and you still had a very vague idea as to why this expedition was even happening. Yet you weren't one to question Erwin's motives. If he wanted to toss away lives just for the hell of it then so be it. You just hoped one of those lives spent for a unknown goal wasn't one of your friends.

"(F/n)."

Your head snapped up at the call of your name and nearly face planted with the cream colored piece of paper Hanji held. The brunette giggled as you gave her a tiny glare and twirled around to sit beside you and wave around the slip of paper.

"Here's your squad assignment! Erwin and I finished it last night."

You nodded and snatched the parchment from her hand and scanned the slanted writing.

 **Name; Reinforcement Squad**  
**Task: Second line of defense and back-up offense squad for Special Operations, etc.**

 **Squad Leader: Warren Reece (Rank 2)**  
**Second in Command; Codi Demarco (Rank 3)**  
**Third in Command: Clarisse Ivona (Rank 5)**

**Squad Members: Thomas M. (Rank ?), Sorren Black (Rank 9), Marlo Matthews (Rank 15), Foster Lyndon (Rank 7), (F/n) (Rank 0)**

As you read this your brows furrowed in confusion. Who was Thomas M.? You assumed it was _your_ Thomas but what did the 'M' stand for? And what the hell was rank 0?

It was as if Hanji saw the questions form inside your mind and right as you parted your lips to question the woman she spoke.

"The 'M' stands for Mazaki, by the way. It's Thomas's last name."

You tilted your head to the side and cocked an eyebrow. "What?"

The brunette smiled and patted your shoulder. "I'll explain when we get back."

You nodded and glanced at the paper once more and immediately locked on to the Rank 0 next to your name, your fingertip tapping the small zero. "What does that mean? I thought ranks only went to one."

"You're right, but in your case since your skill exceeds more than a few people we had to give you _some_ type of rank. One is already taken so why not give you number zero?" Hanji explained, readjusting her glasses while she spoke. "Anyways, I need to check on some stuff. See ya out there (F/n)."

You gave her a little wave at the curious woman and sighed.

_Might as well check on my horse.._

_************************************************************************************************************************************_

Citizens lined the streets and watched solemnly and silent as the soldiers of the Survey Corps marched to their deaths. If you caught their eye they would briskly look way with pity in their orbs. At first you didn't understand why this feeling of morbidity was circulating around everyone like a black cloud and why the habitants of the walls whispered and shook their heads sadly. But then you remembered Eren telling you a few days before that you had less than a 50% chance of surviving on an expedition and then you understood.

You twisted around in your saddle to search for Thomas's familiar face and found his to be lowered, his nimble fingers toying with the leather harness between his fingertips. You slowed your horse for a half a second so he could catch up and fell instep with your friend.

Thomas lifted his head and gave you a small smile. "Hey Little Kestrel."

"Hey." You hummed back. "How are you?"

The boy shrugged and twirled a strand of his horses hair around his index finger. He inhaled deeply and let out a sigh, readjusted himself, and then bit his lip before responding. "Im nervous."

You nodded. "Who wouldn't be?"

Thomas snorted in amusement and cracked a smile. "You should be the least nervous out of all of us, (F/n)."

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. "Whatever Bird Brain."

Thomas smirked and glanced away to pull on his reins as the small sea of green came to a stop near a gate. Once you stopped your eyes spotted Connie's shaved head and Jean a few feet away, both of them checking on the multicolored flares connected to their saddles. Corporal Levi was stationed next to Hanji and her squad and held his normal glare, bored as ever, while Eren was next to them sneering in distaste at something Jean probably said.

A quiet giggle escaped your lips at the typical scene and as if the wind carried the sound across to their ears, Jean glanced up and met your gaze. He gave you a little wave and one of his signature grins before cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting across the road to you.

"Pipsqueak!"

"What?!" You called back, making some eyes wander back to the two of you as you yelled.

Unanticipated and quite unwanted at this very moment in time, the familiar booming voice of Erwin drowned out whatever Jean had to say and yanked your attention away from the male.

"The 62nd expedition beyond the walls. FORWARD!"

The impressive gates made from steel and wood clanked and shuttered as it was lifted from the ground, impossibly slow. Your head snapped back over to Jean and at the same time your hand was wrenched from your reins and squeezed, forcing you to whip your head around to meet Thomas's black orbs.

"If I die, tell Cinna I love her."

And with that the gate was raised and he dropped your hand to follow the galloping horses into the battlefield. Warren led the small band of soldiers as the formation spread and you couldn't help but glance over your shoulder, finding Jean once again.

Like he knew you were staring, his golden orbs met yours and mouthed four words that for some reason made your heart flutter;

 **_Don't die on me_ ** _._

_I don't plan on it...._

_***************************************_

"Warren! Look out!"

The Reece Twin narrowly avoided the monstrous foot that nearly smashed him into the ground. His horse whinnied in panic and nearly threw her rider onto the ground, but the boy rapidly regained control and swerved around the titan.

You no longer knew how long you had been outside the walls for. Smoke signals were fired all around you and there were already more than enough close calls to call this a successful expedition. The squad behind you had fallen out of sight and Special Operations were too far ahead to be seen.

Your whole squad was exposed and in plain sight, left on the outskirts to die. In no way were you a "Reinforcement Squad", you were fucking titan bait! It was only a matter of time before the horses dropped dead from exhaustion and leave you stranded in the middle of a wide open field.

Your heart pounded within your chest and sweat beaded on your forehead. Warren barked out an order that didn't quite reach your ears and released his hooks into the flesh of the titan that nearly smashed him seconds before. Within seconds the heavy corpse of the smiling beast crashed to the ground in a display of steam and evaporating blood, the skilled blond rolling to the side to avoid being burned or crushed.

"Thomas! Horse!" Warren yelled, breaking out into a full sprint the moment his feet touched the ground. Time was precious out here and there were already two massive forms making their way over to your small band of soldiers. Your black haired friend was quick to scoop Warren up with his horses reins in hand and steered away from the steaming mass once Warren was seated on his saddle.

"Reece!" Foster Lyndon cried out. "The horses are getting tired! We need to stop!"

The blond was hesitant to stop but the red haired male had a point, the horses needed a little rest and they still had some time before the titans in the distance would attack. Codi Demarco and Warren called for a stop a second later, the girl sliding off her horse to grab her red flare gun and fire it into the air. You watched as the scarlet powder billowed up and swirl around like a serpent while choosing to ignore the bickering between Clarisse and Warren that started up immediately after your squad stopped for a breather.

"They would of signaled if they needed help. We're safer if we stay put."

"Are you fucking joking? We're in the middle of a flat, open field!" Warren hissed out at the skinny brunette. "We should head to the forest to regroup with Special Operations."

"That wasn't part of our orders, _Warren._ " Clarisse growled back, her fists clenching at her sides. "Our orders are to provide cover and backup for S.O, not join them."

Warren's nostrils flared as the brunette argued with him. Clarisse had always been difficult, but right now Warren couldn't afford having her be the reason his squad got wiped out. "Clarisse, listen to me. We are out in the open where our gear is practically useless. If we go to the forest we have more of a chance of surviving. So, please just fucking listen to me for once."

Clarisse snapped her mouth shut and glared daggers at the taller boy and stiffly nodded. "Fine," she snarled.

Clarisse stomped back over to her steed and mounted it with ease all the while she eyed Warren with disdain. The boy glowered right back and huffed as he mounted his own horse, digging his heels into the horse's sides to coax it to walk.

The seven of you followed your squad leader without a single peep, slowly making your way towards the canopy of trees in the distance. Not even Codi Demarco, who was known to be chatty, said a word, her blue eyes dully staring at Warren's back the entire time.

Your eyes swung over to Thomas, the boy looking even paler than normal you noted, and watched him inhale a shaky breath. It was odd you thought, that someone who grew up past the safety of the walls developed a fear of titans in the short time you both stayed here. You sighed and reached down to pat your horses neck, feeling the coarse hairs under your fingertips and palms.

 _Maybe he has nightmares too.._ you pondered. The idea of it wouldn't be so absurd, everyone is afraid of something and maybe Thomas's 'something' just happened to be a titan. He did watch Wren get crushed by those things after all, and that could most definitely spur on night terrors.

You envied him if that were the case. You wished you could dream of titans instead of _him._ That sick smile and that cold, maniacal laugh that would haunt you till the end of time, is what you feared with every fiber of your body and wished you could forget it.

"Hold up."

The two words spoken broke the silence around you and pulled you from your thoughts. You stopped again and cocked your head to the side in confusion as Warren turned his horse around and faced his squad.

"What is-" Sorren Black began to say before being abruptly cut off.

"Shh." Warren hushed, placing his index finger over his lips. "I heard something."

All eight of you stayed deathly quiet, wondering what Warren had heard. Slightly unnerved, your watchful (e/c) orbs scanned the area, eyes catching more patches of small trees and shrubbery the closer you got to the Forest of Giant Trees. You squinted in suspicion when your gaze landed on a denser patch of underbrush and saplings. It looked darker than the rest of your surroundings, like as if something hid behind it, casting a sort of silhouette type of thing.

The horse below you snorted nervously as you coaxed it forward, earning a quizzical stare from Warren and the others.

"(F/n)," Thomas hissed out. "The hell are you doing?"

You ignored him and paced closer, eyes anchored to the patch of trees. A prickling feeling of uncertainty filled your stomach, but your determination to check what waited behind the small trees won over the battle of nerves.

Closer, and closer you got util you were right in front of it. Your horse pawed the ground and whinnied softly in warning. You gave the brown animal a pat and urged the beast to carry you to the other side of the tall bushes and dwarfed trees.

You held your breath and faster than you could blink, a harmony of ear splitting screeches and furiously beating wings enveloped you and swarmed around you. You yelped in surprise as your horse neighed and reared in fright, throwing you off her back.

You crashed to the ground and grunted as the air was knocked out of you.  
Little black masses of feathers and screeches shot up into the sky. Some of their sharp claws tore at your sleeves and hair as they escaped and all you could do was cover your face and wait until the little creatures dispersed.

You let your arms fall to your sides once the squawking subsided and breathed out a loud puff of air, staring at the black dots fly away towards the west. Your fingers gripped the dry grass as your heart beat erratically inside your ribcage, threatening to rip out of your chest.

The sound of hooves stomping on the ground neared you and you tilted your head back to watch a pair of knee-high boots connect with the dry earth and dash over to you.

"Holy fuck, Little Kestrel," Thomas chortled. "I thought you were about to get carried off by those things."

"Piss off." You wheezed out, rolling onto your knees. Thomas offered his hand and lifted you the rest of the way up from the dust ridden ground, chuckling again as he saw your torn up sleeves and wide eyes.

"That was unexpected," Foster snorted. "I though an aberrant was hiding over there."

Your brows furrowed slightly at the strange term the red head used. "Aberrant?"

"Er, yeah. You know, like, the titans that aren't very normal _._ Aberrants are smarter and faster or some shit like that." Foster hummed, his chartreuse colored eyes studying your face. "Oh, and by the way, one of those birdies nicked your cheek right there."

Foster's finger tapped his left cheek and gave you a coy smile. Your fingers drifted up to the tiny cut and you winced. Those birds were small, but boy were their talons sharp.

You muttered out a small thank you to the red head and pushed past Thomas and Foster's horse to find out where yours had run to. Hopefully after it had been spooked the horse only wandered a few meters away instead of bolting off into the distance, never to be found.

"Um, (F/n)? Y-your h-h-horse ran a-away before w-we could c-c-catch her." Marlo Mines, a shy, petite girl nearly the size of you squeaked out. "S-sorry."

"Shit." You grumbled out. You kicked a loose pebble in irritation and sighed. " _Shit."_

"You can share a horse, dumbass." Thomas said, rolling his eyes. "It's fine."

You shot the black haired boy a glare and glanced up at Warren who still placidly sat, watching, waiting, for who knows what. You reached up and tugged on his pants to vie for his attention, which he gave in the form of his honey colored eyes flicking down to you.

"I don't have a horse anymore."

"I've noticed." He smirked. "Share with Foster, his horse is the biggest and can carry you both easier."

You pursed your lips and took a sideways glance at the boy who gave you a grin and patted the empty space in front of him. You reluctantly agreed and stalked over to the red head who slipped his foot from his stirrup and held out a hand. Your own foot replaced where his had just been and you hoisted yourself up, grabbing the horn of the saddle to steady yourself instead of taking his hand.

Your behind barely even brushed the leather before a deep rumbling shook the ground. The horses whinnied in fright and stomped the ground as another tremor reverberated the ground.

"Everyone else hears that too, right?" Sorren Black whimpered, his eyes darting left and right.

"It could be an earthquake..." Codi said quietly.

"I don't think _that_ is an Earthquake, Demarco."

Your heads all swiveled to look at what Clarisse had pointed at and at the same moment all your faces dropped.

A titan, close to 15 meters, stalked towards you from the forest that just so happened to be where you were headed to. Warren swore and ran a hand through his blond hair and glanced back at his squad.

"Do not engage until we reach the forest, understand? Codi and I will try to distract it until you get the trees."

A chorus of "yes sir" sounded from the squad and Warren clicked his tongue, his horse breaking out into a full gallop with Codi in tow. The rest of you followed Clarisse as she veered off in another direction to avoid the giant being.

At first Warren's plan worked, the titan was occupied with the small humans that slashed at its ankles and ran in between its massive legs, but then it all fell apart miserably.

Your eyes widened when you glanced back, your view half covered by Foster's arm. Yet you didn't need both of your eyes to watch as the smiling creature easily snatched up Codi and her horse, her terrified screech reaching your ears. You never really knew the girl until today but it still felt as if a knife ripped through your gut.

"Codi..."

"Don't look back." Foster ordered behind you. "We can't help her anymore."

You frowned and listened to him. He was right, nothing you could of done would of saved her. You just hoped Warren was close behind you, alive and breathing even if Codi was not.

You closed your eyes and concentrated on your surroundings; Foster's hot breath on the back of your head, the brambles that tugged at your pants, and even the hard metal of your gear digging into your flesh. You couldn't afford getting distracted out here, especially if you had six others that depended on you, so your took a deep breath and cleared your head of any issues, big or small.

It was an old trick Lark had taught you, dissociating while still fully aware of what was happening around you. It helped calmed the mind he had told you all those years ago.

It was a strange feeling, like you were in a dream. Pain barely registered in this state, sound was muted and people looked as if they were in slow motion, but at the same time everything was in perfect clarity.

The sky grew dark when you entered the forest, the sun nearly blocked out by thick leaves and branches interlaced together. Foster mumbled something behind you, but it sounded like cotton had been stuffed in your ears. You nodded anyways and let your eyes wander around the blurred forest, catching sight of Thomas and Sorren on your left while Marlo trailed a little behind you. You saw Clarisse glance behind her, her russet brown orbs meeting yours for a half a second before flitting away to check on another member of her squad.

And as if your luck hadn't plummeted enough in the past few hours, a pale, sickly hand the size of a small carriage shot out behind one of the thick trunks and barely grazed Clarisse's head. The brunette shouted out a curse and shot her wires in a nearby tree, using her momentum to evade the grabbing hands below her.

The moment the girl escaped, the titan rounded on the remaining squad members still ground-ridden and bared its large, rotting teeth. Its soulless eyes locked straight onto your horse and charged, its hands making a swift grab for the two of you. Yet Foster was faster and while his horse was still moving, he took a firm hold of the strap on your hip and rolled right off his saddle, dragging you with him.

Your shoulder connected with the slightly damp forest floor, ripping a pained grunt from you at the jarring sensation. That was enough to yank you from your dream-like state and all the sounds and smells came rushing back to you.

"THOMAS! ASSIST!"

You rolled to your stomach as quickly as you could and watched Clarisse and Thomas blind the thing then ended its life with one fell swoop of a blade.

But as always, life wasn't a simple walk through the park with daisies and butterflies.

The second the titan hit the ground, two more appeared, a third and fourth one close behind. Clarisse and Thomas had just enough time to doge the first monster and latch onto the second, killing it in mere moments. You grunted as you pushed yourself up, determination to help your friends overpowering the urge to hide under the ferns and tend to your stinging shoulder.

But before you could make a dash for one of the beasts that attacked your comrades, a freckled hand seized your ankle and stopped you.

You gave Foster a glare that could kill and tried shaking him off, only succeeding in making his grip tighter.

"If you wait a second I can help you."

"We don't have a damn second, Foster." You growled. "Let go before I break your fucking wrist."

He clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes skyward. "Fine. But don't be stupid because your boyfriend is up there."

Your brows furrowed and you wrinkled your nose in distaste at the boy who still laid in the grass, his green orbs trained on your face. "Thomas is not my boyfriend. We're _friends._ Now, _let go._ "

You gave him no time to consider your demand and brought your free heel down on his wrist. Foster let go with a loud swear and finally you were free.

You unsheathed your sharp blades and shot your wires into the bark of the tree. You momentum easily swung you forward and with the aid of gasoline you were practically flying through the trees.

Like a bullet your raced behind the nape of the third titan, zooming past Thomas and Clarisse. It was a 10 meter and in the next moment you slashed at the nape of its neck.

A perfect slice.

Its heavy body crashed to the ground and you rotated your body in mid air to spin towards the fourth smiling beast. Your wires hooked onto the tree beside it and you spun a half circle, released your wires and shot your hooks into its shoulder, giving you perfect access for a kill.

It toppled to the ground, its flesh steaming and disappearing into thin air the minute you gracefully landed next to it. But your victory was short lived.

A blood-curdling scream wrenched your attention away from the steaming mass. Marlo hung from the hands of another titan and squirmed, her arms frantically slashing her blades at the monster.

In a fit if quick thinking, you were up in the air again, eyes set on the nape of the greasy haired titan. But this was no normal titan...

When you went in for the kill, it abruptly turned its head so instead of its neck you faced its sharp teeth. You veered off just in time, and eyed the damn thing that still held Marlo.

"Hey! You stupid thing!"

Its massive head swiveled over to the source of the insult and passively stared at the figure on the ground. You silently thanked whoever distracted the thing and swooped in for the second time. Marlo was dropped and landed harshly against the ground, but she was alive.

You landed softly in the grass near the petite girl and kneeled next to her crumpled body. Marlo whimpered in pain and clutched her wrist close to her chest, the bone most likely broken.

"S-sorren. Where's Sorren?" Marlo croaked. "I-I saw h-h-him run after s-something."

Now that you though about it, the last time you saw the sandy haired male was when Foster pulled you out of the saddle. But looking around now, you only saw Clarisse and Thomas who was followed by Foster, but no Sorren.

"We-"

"(F/N)! WATCH OUT!"

Small hands, despite one of them being broken, shoved you _hard._ Hard enough to make you topple to the side and roll out of the way just in time.

The next thing you knew, blood sprayed around you. Red stains spotted your clothes and skin, the liquid hot against your already dirt streaked cheeks.

But none of it was evaporating...

Your mouth gaped as you scrambled away, sticks and little pebbles stabbing the skin of your palms, but that barely registered. Time seemed to stop and all you could see was where Marlo had just been.

"M-Marlo..."

"(F/n)! Move!" Thomas shouted. "Fucking move!"

The imminent danger and Thomas's frantic shouting finally sunk in. A shot of adrenaline mixed with slight panic fired through your frozen limbs and you stumbled up and forced your wobbly legs to move.

Instincts took over, your hands flying over the necessary motions to release your wires into the trees, pulling you out of its reach. The need to flee was gripping you by the throat, but you were a fighter, and no one fucked with your friends without paying a heavy price.

With a cry of pent up rage, you swung back around and went for its eyes, momentarily blinding it. It gave you enough time to travel over to its nape and slice it open, scorching steam billowing out after you cut its flesh.

Yet more kept on coming after that, all aberrants, all hell-bent on killing you off with no valid reason.

Your muscles ached and screamed at you, begging you to stop, take a rest, anything; but you couldn't stop, not yet. Not when you knew one wrong move on your part could potentially cause Clarisse's, Foster's, or even Thomas's death.

But not even you could keep up with those grinning beasts. There were too many for the four of you and already you could see the sloppy mistakes that your comrades made, putting all of your lives at stake. You needed help, desperately, but it seemed like the world just loved to dish out more pain then necessary.

A fist closed around your middle and you cried out in panic and slight pain as your blades snapped under the pressure in its hand, the sharp metal shards scraping and poking into your skin. You struggled as much as you could, kicking and squirming wildly that only ended in slicing your skin open.

The titan's slobbering mouth opened and lifted you above its jaws, the stench of blood heavy on its breath. And then you were falling. Before you could meet your end though, you were wrenched out of the jaws of certain death by a familiar face with grey orbs sharper than your blades themselves.

"Filthy brat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'll probably be posting again tomorrow so stay tuned! If you have any suggestions or anything that would be amazing! Peace out my dudes


	20. The 62nd Expedition; Part Two

It was a rash decision.

Purely selfish.

But damn it all to hell if it meant you were still breathing.

Levi grabbed you just before you fell, its jaws closing with a  _snap_ a mere second later. The Yeager boy ended the titan's life just after the Corporal saved you and swung towards the ground with you in his arms.

"Filthy brat." He growled out, his grey eyes traveling across your face with unnerving thoroughness.

You didn't know whether you wanted to cry or to scream in joy upon hearing that flat, unemotional voice. So instead you settled for something that sounded like something in between a squeak and a strangled laugh. The world around you spun for a moment and then came to abrupt stop when Levi landed gently on the forest floor with you practically draped over his arm.

And once he set you down, bile instantly rose up from your stomach. You doubled over and you clutched your stomach, heaving up whatever remained in your stomach from that morning. You trembled and collapsed to your knees as the bone-crushing weight of watching two of your comrades die pressed on your shoulders. You didn't understand why you suddenly felt this way towards them, you were always somewhat comfortable with death surrounding you and you weren't close to them, but here you were. Tears slipped from your stinging eyes while you scoured your brain for some type of explanation as to why you  _felt_ , why you  _hurt_  for them so damn much. A sob racked your body as Marlo's panicked features before she died resurfaced; you didn't even know the girl and yet she saved you.

_You_  of all people.

A warm hand trailed over your shoulder, the contact reminding you of your current location. You couldn't cry; not here of all places. You sniffed and furiously rubbed away the tears streaking down your face and sucked in a shaky breath. In the distance you heard the familiar whirring sounds of 3DMG seemingly geared towards you.

You didn't look up when another pair of boots padded over,  too numb at the moment to do anything but stare blankly at the grass surrounding you. The green blades gently swayed under the faintest of breezes and for a moment you wished you were a piece of grass.

"Corporal...Is..Is she ok?" Someone said softly.

"I wouldn't know, cadet." The man retorted, letting his hand slip off of your shoulder.

  You inhaled another breath and shakily stood, painfully aware of the two sets of eyes that watched you carefully. You hesitantly met their eyes, one of the pairs belonging to Eren who looked at you with deep concern that almost made you want to break down crying again, but you promised yourself you wouldn't.

A call of your name wrenched your (e/c) orbs away from the brunette and the Corporal, an almost inaudible sigh of relief leaving you when you caught sigh of the person who spoke. Thomas landed a few feet away and trotted over with a slight limp in his step. The black-haired male flashed you a small smile despite the sharp pains coming from his ankle and wobbled over to your side.

Thomas placed a hand on your head and ruffled your hair. You would have scowled or grumbled in protest under normal circumstances from his touch, but now any kind of comfort from your friend was welcomed. Your eyes met his and although Thomas smiled you could see the agony behind it.

"It wasn't your fault, (F/n)." He said quietly after a moment of silence between you. "I hope you know that." 

You nodded even though you knew it was just a lie to make you feel less shitty about everything right now. You cast your gaze up to the canopy of leaves and caught glimpses of Clarisse and Foster still hacking away at some straggling titans around you. There was one left in the general area of where you stood, but even one of them could take down more than two soldiers with ease. A flicker of movement in the trees caught your eye, alarm filling you a second after your mind registered what it was. 

You saw it before it even happened and with a shot of pure adrenaline, you shoved Thomas aside and shot your wires into the tree closest to where Foster was. It was like it appeared out of thin air, grabbing for the red-head at the same moment the other did. No way in hell would he have ever seen it coming, but you did.

Your arms wrapped around his middle in mid-air and with your current velocity you both went sailing towards the ground. Foster was a quick thinker though, and when he realized what happened his hands did the necessary motions to send his wires into the bark of a passing tree. It was a rough landing but it saved you from a much harsher impact nonetheless.

Sticks and rocks scraped your skin as you both rolled to a stop, the smell of damp earth and the metallic stench of blood overwhelming your nostrils. One of your arms was still secured around Foster's middle and when he groaned in pain you hurriedly snatched it back to your side. You could hear your blood pounding inside your ears and felt your heart slam against your sternum, the effects of adrenaline slowly ebbing away.

"Holy shit." Foster breathed out, the grass rustled beneath him as he moved to sit up. His hand moved to grip your arm; something solid to hold as his head swirled.

At the collective call of your names, you forced yourself sit up and after the red-head caught his breath he hoisted the both of you up on your feet and waved. "We're okay!"

The male still gripped your arm tightly, surely leaving a bruise, and started to stumble closer to the small group who were rushing towards you. At first you felt nothing but the relief of simply being alive, but then on your next step as weight was placed on your right side a searing pain ripped through you. You gasped and placed your free hand over your side. It felt wet and when you pulled your hand away, fresh crimson stained your fingers.

You froze and stared at the red liquid, unable to entirely process what you were seeing.  _Is this my blood...?_

Foster took another step but he was pulled back by you who stood still, staring at your hand. In confusion he tugged on your arm to get you moving. "C'mon, let's go."

Your brows furrowed slightly and when your (e/c) eyes met his he found they were glazed over in confusion. Your palm was still held out in front of you and when he glanced down at your outstretched limb and then down to the growing dark red spot on your side the boy sucked in a breath; that was a lot of blood to just be a simple cut.

Your hand traveled back down to your side and you shakily brushed back your cloak and lifted your shirt, wincing when the fabric stuck to the blood. All you saw was a deep gash like the ones you preformed on the nape of a titan inflicted on your skin, the blood covering the majority of your side now. Foster's blade must have cut you somehow when you grabbed him...

As the red liquid poured from the gash your vision became blurred and you felt lightheaded, the deep stinging pain setting your nerves on fire. You paled and lost your footing and if Foster hadn't been there to catch you, you would have crashed face first into the ground.

His eyes were widened in shock as he shifted to his knees, his hands cradling your limp head. He mouthed out words of comfort but it sounded like someone had shoved cotton inside your ear canals. Soon, more muffled voices surrounded you, all of their faces doubling and blurry as your eyes tried to follow them. Foster still held your head in his hands, his vibrant green orbs flitting over to his Corporal who barked out orders to Clarisse and Thomas, the pair disappearing from your sight a moment later.

_No, Thomas...Come back.._ Youtried to say, but all that came out was a mewl of pain.

Those sharp, steely eyes that fiercely stared down at you flickered over to your wound, his cloak leaving his shoulders half a second later to press against the bleeding. It was nice of him, you thought, to try to save you again like that night weeks ago, but the odds were not in your favor this time around you mused.

And despite it sounding like you had fabric stuffed in your ears you heard Eren speak, his teal colored eyes that reminded you of tide pools focusing on your own orbs, momentarily distracting you from the pain.

"Don't you remember what Jean said, (F/n)?"

Of course you remembered what Jean said; _Don't die on me._   But it damn well looked like you were about to let the two-tone haired boy down.

Then, ever so slowly, everything started to fade away, even if you wanted to keep your eyes open. Of course you didn't want to die like this, but it was too hard to try to fight it, so you simply let the darkness take over with an apology on the tip of your tongue...   
  
  
  
  
  


****************************************************************************************************************

Wildflowers were crushed between your fingers as your arms spread out, the scent of honeysuckle and rosemary overtaking your senses. You sighed and lazily watched the puffy white clouds shift into different shapes and sizes, some of them resembling an object or an animal if you searched hard enough. Your eyes then slid shut as a warm breeze floated across your skin, inviting you to fall back to sleep, but the faint hum of a painfully familiar tune kept you awake.

"You need to go back soon." The sweet voice suggested softly, pausing the tune to speak.

"I don't wan't to." You mumbled back. "I like it here."

The voice said nothing in return and began to hum again. After a moment or two you decided to acknowledge something that you never had the chance to say to the voice.

"I never heard you sing it before." You said. "The words, I mean."

"You never asked."

You let out an irritated puff of air and shifted your head, eyes focusing on the figure who sat beside you, his long legs curled up to his chest while his chin rested on the divot of his knee. Tawny brown hair that just barely covered his ears gently swayed with the wind, some of the strands sticking up in odd angles. His eyes were shut, peaceful and at ease with your presence.

"Lark."

His eyelids lazily flickered open and drifted over to you, clear and alert. The scars that normally littered his eyes were gone, replaced by soft freckles and faint creases that wrinkled when he smiled. When you said nothing more than his name he turned away again, his melody slipping from his mouth to fill the silence.

"You're dead." You hummed out, turning your head to face the clouds once more, sighing sadly. Deep down you knew this was all a figment of your imagination, a dream inside your head, but it felt real and Lark was here. What more could you ask for?

"Perhaps." He said.

"Why are you here?"

"To offer you a choice."

Your eyebrow quirked in curiosity and rolled over to your stomach, your elbows propping up to hold your chin. "What kind of choice."

The lanky boy eyed you with a light smirk and refused to answer you. You groaned in annoyance and shot him an irritated glare. He stared at you for a while more and when he looked away he parted his lips.

"You've grown soft."

The words surprised you and you furrowed your brow. "I have not."

"You have," he insisted, shifting his legs into a position where he could spread them out to their full length, you noted his feet were bare. "Anthony would throw a fit if he saw you right now. You're so  _human_."

You frowned and bit your lip. To think you had grown soft like Lark had said made you want to punch yourself. You always prided yourself on the ability to stay detached from most things that made up your humanity, Anthony made sure of it, but as you looked back on the past few months of your life you realized you  _had_  gone soft.

You never thought about it until now, but outside the walls you had been so  _isolated._ It was strange, growing up so close to a place where everyone relied on one another while you lived in what could be compared to a barren wasteland devoid of any kindness the world may have possessed. But then again, isolation was really the only way to keep someone alive out there, unless you wanted a knife in the back, that is.

Yet, somehow, despite partially wishing you felt nothing, you wanted to reach out, become more  _human_ as Lark put it. And for a brief moment you didn't give a damn if your humanity made you weak.

"Maybe that isn't so bad anymore."

Silence was all that followed. Your eyes traced back to Lark's narrow features and watched him stand with the fluidity of water. His large brown eyes then settled on you and offered you a hand up from the soft grassy field.

At first you hesitated, but then you slipped your palm into his. You fully expected his skin to feel warm, but all you felt was a strange feeling of emptiness. His hand should have felt warm, weighted,  _real_ , but he felt like a ghost; and in a way he was...

"You have a choice, (F/n)." Lark repeated from before, his light brown irises searching your own for something you weren't sure you had an answer for.

"What is it?"

"Stay with me," he said almost pleadingly, the corners of his mouth twitching up into a tiny smile.

"What's my other choice?" You breathed out, your fingers clenching his weightless hand.

"Survive, like you always have."

****************************************************************************************************************

"Erwin?"

Erwin's ears perked up as he heard the gentle knocking and muffled voice of Hanji through his office door. It was almost embarrassing how quickly he shot up from his desk and covered the distance from his desk to the door in three steps, causing some documents to drift to the floor in his haste.

Four days.  _Four_   _fucking days_  he had been waiting for Hanji to give him some shred of information on the current condition of a certain girl with (h/c) locks and (e/c) eyes. But the brunette had been evasive to say in the least and the only moments Erwin ever caught her at was when she was raiding the kitchen pantry or sprinting to the bathroom. It would have been amusing if Erwin hadn't known you or if Hanji wasn't treating a patient, but she was and that patient just so happened to be you.

It was a miracle that you even survived this long, if Erwin was being honest. Yet in no way was the Commander complaining. You were the girl of his carefully placed affections and you were still breathing despite practically being cut in two by your own comrades's blade. You and he were beyond lucky; Erwin with his affections and you with your life.

But when he opened the door he wasn't so sure that fantasy of his would ever come true...

"Hanji..." he breathed, ushering the woman into the room. "Is she-"

"She's still alive." The brunette said, patting his arm. Hanji gave the blond a weak smile and tiredly slumped down on the black leather couch the Commander had placed in his office and exhaled loudly.

Erwin released a long sigh of relief and seated himself on the other side of the brunette squad leader. She looked exhausted and ready to fall asleep at any given moment, but Erwin  _needed_ to know what your current state was.

"Hanji..."

"I know, I know. You're curious about your little girlfriend." She mumbled out with a smirk.

Erwin felt his cheeks heat up and he glanced away from the woman. He wished you were...

"Do you wanna see her?" Hanji asked, reluctantly pushing her self up from the plush couch. "She's stable for the moment."

Erwin nodded. "Yes, I'd like that."

The pair left Erwin's office in silence and for the remainder of the walk it stayed that way. Normally Hanji would be talking his ear off by now but the brunette was quiet, lost in her own thoughts.

Once they reached the room you were placed in,(Hanji's personal quarters as a matter of fact)the Commander held his breath. As much as he desperately wished to see you, he was worried he'd never leave your side after seeing you. But, nonetheless, he followed Hanji into the dimly lit room.

You were placed on your back, arms resting to the sides. Your head faced the soft light of the lantern on the bedside table and cast your features in a warm yellow glow, defining your cheek bones and jaw line. Your long eye lashes created small shadows across your cheeks and whips of (h/c) hair gently rested over your forehead and temples. As Erwin's eyes traveled lower he spotted a small silver chain that wast delicately strung around your neck and for some odd reason he thought it added on to the angelic-like state you were in.

Your chest rose and fell with shallow breaths, the only indication that you were still alive. It was hard to imagine that this was the same girl who tore around from sun up to sun down, as fierce and fiery as a stubborn bull and ready to fight the world if she had to. Though in sleep you were angelic, and almost fragile looking as if Erwin were to touch you you'd crack into pieces.

A loose sheet was draped over your form, covering your lower half and partially hid your heavily bandaged side. A small splotch of red seeped through the pristine white and Erwin couldn't help but wander closer.

"She's been like this the whole time, Erwin," Hanji whispered. "I-I don't know if she'll wake up."

Erwin's pensive cerulean orbs flitted over to Hanji and frowned. The scientist held such a saddened expression that it even hurt Erwin's own heart. It seemed even the brunette had taken quite a liking towards you.

"(F/n) will wake up." The blond said confidently. He turned his soft gaze back to your features and carefully let his fingers drift over the soft skin of your forearm. "She has to."

Erwin's fingertips lightly dragged up from your forearm to your shoulder-blade. The man hesitated for a moment before letting his fingers drift up to the side of your serene visage. He carefully brushed back a strand of your hair behind your delicate ear, a hint of a smile tugging at the ends of his lips.

"You know, Erwin," Hanji said behind him, her spectacled eyes carefully watching each and every move the man-made. "You might have some competition."

His brows twitched in confusion and the man turned to give Hanji a strange look. "What?"

The brunette sighed and shook her head at Erwin's obliviousness. "Im surprised that you haven't noticed the group of boys who are infatuated with (F/n) here."

Erwin cocked a brow and scowled. Come to think of it, he knew  _exactly_ which boys Hanji was talking about. Yet, this new piece of information didn't deter him in the slightest, if anything it just sent his mind into formulating plans to keep you away from those boys. He would just have to win you over first.

"Oh, and I think Corporal Shorty has a thing for her too..."

_Well, shit..._

Erwin cleared his throat to mask his groan of irritation and reluctantly stood. "Hanji," he started, attempting to steer the conversation in another direction from where it was heading. It was obvious that he felt something for you but he didn't need Hanji to share it to the whole world yet so he avoided answering her completely. "Have you told (F/n) about Thomas yet?"

The woman looked somewhat bemused at the change of conversation but didn't persist. "No, I...I told her when we got back from the expedition I would tell her, but..."

Hanji glanced down at your peaceful face and shook her head sadly. She wished she told you on the day of the expedition but there was just to many questions without answers regarding Thomas. But from what Hanji could piece together from the vague files and persistent snooping on Thomas's roots was that the boy was in fact born inside the walls; Wall Maria to be specific.

And from what she read on a report file that was reluctantly given to her from the Military Police, was that Thomas Mazaki, age six at the time, was kidnapped under mysterious circumstances presumably by another faction of the military that had since been eradicated before the fall of Wall Maria.

All information on it was hazy and probably destroyed considering that the faction had been under the direct control of the king and committed some questionable things over the years before the fall, so it was natural that this was swept under the rug. Unfortunately for Hanji this meant it was even harder to find out who exactly Thomas Mazaki was and what his relation was to his kidnappers.

And then there was you.

You were just full of puzzles, all the way from your odd accent to the tattoo stitched on your shoulder that still sent ice chips through Hanji's blood. Unless Erwin brought it up by directly asking a question about it, her lips were sealed until then. Besides, how would a dead military faction be linked to you, it must have just been coincidence...yeah coincidence...

"Hanji...Im curious about the cadet who did this." Erwin hummed, snapping Hanji out of her thoughts.

"His name is Foster Lyndon, rank seven of the 105th trainees, but Erwin," Hanji replied. "He didn't intentionally do it. From what others said (F/n) saved his life and somehow his blade got caught between them."

"Hm."

Erwin was familiar with the name, Foster was that read head he and Hanji had selected for your squad. He was a skilled soldier yet he had tendencies to shy away when presented with a challenge or faced with a threat. But he still was ranked seventh in his squadron which had to count for something.

A part of Erwin wanted to strangle the red-head for causing you harm but he knew that wasn't rational. It wasn't Foster's fault, it was just a wicked outcome of something that shouldn't have happened. And yet, Erwin knew he would always hold a little torch of anger for Foster Lyndon regardless of whose fault it was.

Erwin sighed, his eyes flitting over to your form one last time before deciding to head back to his office. Of course he wanted to stay and wait until you woke up, but he had an ocean of paperwork to fill out and waiting here wouldn't be productive.

And so he bid a tired Hanji goodnight and quietly left her room. The way back to his office was silent, the only sound was from his own boots clicking on the stone beneath him. And then, as Erwin neared his own quarters a second pair of boots clacked on the stone up ahead from where Erwin stood.

The Commander paused and warily eyed the figure that rounded the corner that hurriedly shuffled closer, the mop of red hair giving away the identity of the person. Erwin could hear the quiet sniffles and broken sobs resonate from Foster's being, his freckled hands coming up to furiously rub his tears away.

At first the boy didn't notice his Commander standing in the corridor, but once he did Foster stiffened and saluted sloppily. His bottom lip trembled as his teeth bit the chapped skin to try to control them. The red-head sniffed again and when Erwin waved off his salute he bowed his head in slight shame.

"S-sir..."

Upon closer inspection as Erwin tried not to gaze at the younger male with contempt, he found that nearly half of Foster's face was covered in an angry looking bruise. The worst of it circled his left eye, the deep wine color, nearly black under his eye socket, suggested that the mark was recently given.

"Cadet, its past midnight." Erwin stated, his brow quirking up at Foster.

"I-I know sir," he stammered. "I just can't s-sleep after what happened w-with (F/n)."

The boy seemed hesitant when he spoke your name, his voice nearing a whisper when he uttered it. More tears fell from his eyes but he was quick to wipe them away with his sleeve. His freckled skin that was normally quite pale had blotches of red covering his visage as if he had an allergic reaction to his tears. He looked pathetic if Erwin was being honest, but the Commander couldn't bring himself to care enough to ask him why Foster was so distraught or why he had a bruise shaped like a fist under his eye.

"I-is she still a-alive?" He croaked, struggling to meet Erwin's eye. His fingers clenched his uniform tightly and let go repeatedly to try to calm his nerves, waiting for his Commander's reply while rumpling the fabric.

"Yes."

Foster let out a sigh of relief and nodded, giving Erwin another salute before attempting to escape the tense atmosphere that settled around the pair.

"Lyndon," The blond called, stopping the red-head in mid stride. "I think it would be wise if you were to stay away from (F/n) once she wakes up."

With that the Commander left Foster to his own devises after disappearing around the corner a moment later. The boy who still stood in the corridor, now alone with only the sound of his breathing and faint heartbeat to accompany him, was sent deeper into the icy pit of guilt. Though the fact that you were still alive thawed out some of that guilt, but Foster knew that the day of the expedition would always haunt him.

It was his fault. You tried saving him and in return Foster gave you a near death experience by his own blade. How would someone ever get over that? Especially since it was you he almost sliced in half. You, a girl who barely knew Foster saved his life and not to mention the one and only (F/n), the miracle girl who climbed over the wall and was said to even rival the Corporal himself.

How was he supposed to live with that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooooooooo whats up my dudes! Happy Holidays, I hope you're all having a good break or whatever! Im so sorry this took so long but at least you learn a little about Thomas right? haha... Also, shitty ending so lmao sorry 'bout that
> 
> Anyways I have a clearer schedule for next year so I'll have a better posting schedule, yay!
> 
> Also, don't be afraid to chat with me or leave suggestions or whatever!


	21. Guts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN LIKE 3 MONTHS IM SO BAD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. ANYWAYS HERE IS A NEW CHAPTER AND I PROMISE TO UPDATE MORE OFTEN. ALSO SORRY ITS SHITTY

  
When you opened your eyes the only thing present was the overwhelming darkness. A flame of panic surged inside your chest as your mind registered what you saw, or rather, the absence of things you saw. Had you gone blind? Were you dead? 

Your old fear wrapped around your heart and clutched it tightly, but as much as you screamed at your body to move, it stayed stationary.

Alone, and in the dark.

An involuntary whimper left you and you clenched the bed sheets.... _Bed sheets?_

_Where am I?..._

It came rushing back to you in a tidal wave of pain, anger, and sorrow. You remembered blood, so much blood and then falling into Foster's arms as Levi tried stopping the bleeding once you fell. The rest was fuzzy and came back in fragments that made your brain ache so you gave up trying to remember.

Your eyes soon grew accustomed to the dark and made out the shape of a lantern on the bedside table. You squinted at the object and tried reaching for it, momentarily forgetting your fear of the dark to grab the unlit lantern. But the moment you shifted, a stabbing pain tore through you and stopped your movement. You hissed and grit your teeth to replace the loud yelp of anguish that would of left you, but you needed that _damn_ light, so you held your breath and reached out farther for it.

A muffled screech vibrated your vocal chords and you felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes. The salty drops streaked down your cheeks as the searing pang burned through your nerves, your teeth clamping down harshly on your tongue to try and quiet yourself. Your fingertips brushed against the cool material of the lantern, but all you did was make it wobble ever so slightly. You tried to reach it for a second time, but the pain overwhelmed you and forced you to slump back down with a sigh.

Defeated, you stared up at the shadowy ceiling with warm beads of water trailing down your face and tried to focus on the darkened rafters instead of the pain. You knew you were inside the castle but the longer you sat in the dark the more realized this wasn't your room. You weren't too sure, but the messy stacks of paper and open, strewn out books indicated that the room belonged to one of your superiors.

It definitely wasn't Levi's quarters, he would have a fit if his room ever looked like this, and it didn't belong to Erwin. The Commander's room was larger than this and so you settled on the fact that this was _Hanji's_ room, or else a superior you didn't know which made your skin crawl.

A small worm of guilt burrowed into you. The brunette barely knew you and yet she willingly gave up her bed for you and was most likely caring for you.

You grimaced as you shifted on the bed, your mind set on sitting up. You refused to be a burden to Hanji even if you were practically cut in half with tiny stitches holding you together. Probably not the best idea but you never really cared much about your well being.

Eventually you maneuvered yourself up into a sitting position, your bare feet dangling off the side of the bed. Dizziness slammed into your head the second you sat upright and threatened to push you back down, but you gripped the mattress tightly and grit your teeth.

Every single part of your body ached and hurt the more you moved around and when your feet touched the cold stone you nearly collapsed. Your side screamed in protest and begged you to stop moving but your determination outweighed the pain. You gripped the bedside table and hobbled over to the door, your shaking fingers reaching out for the smooth metal knob.

The door opened with a creak, the sound echoing down the silent hallway. You winced at the sound but it didn't deter you in the slightest from leaving the stuffy bedroom. Time was distorted and since the window in the room was covered by thick curtains you had no way of knowing if it were night or day. But judging by the coolness of the castle it was either later in the day or the sun had set a while ago. 

Though, knowing the time was not a crucial part of returning to your own bedroom. 

You took a daring step out of the doorway and carefully shut the heavy door behind you, your aching body screeching in response to the movement. You pushed forward, the chilly stone freezing your bare feet. 

You shuffled down the long dark hallway, wishing you had your knife with you as your eyes followed flickering shadows and imaginary beasts lurking around each corner. Even if you didn't have your trusty blade, it didn't stop your hand from drifting to where it usually hung from your hip. 

You sighed and licked your lips, your saliva stinging the chapped and dried out flesh. You winced at the sharp pain, triggering a sudden need for water. Now that you thought about it, your were parched and you couldn't remember the last time you drank water. Maybe it was before the Expedition..?

You couldn't find it in you to care. The laceration on your side took up most of your attention and having chapped lips and a dry throat was nothing compared to your injury. Besides, you could just get water in the morning...

************************************************************************************************************************************

You were panting like a dog and shaking with exhaustion by the time you dragged yourself to your bedroom door. Cold sweat trickled down the side of your face and down your spine as you reached out blindly for the door handle, hoping your fingers found purchase on the cool metal. 

You swore as you felt the handle stay in place instead of turning in and allowing you to enter your own room. Why it was locked, you'd never know and frankly you didn't care. You vowed to find whoever had locked it and give them a piece of your mind and perhaps a death threat, but currently you were half dead and could do no such thing in this state. 

With pained groans you slumped to your knees, your hair sticking to your sweaty forehead. The rest of your body followed your bottom half that already rested on the ground, and you let out a sigh. At least the cold stone beneath you lessened the heat that resonated off you and partially numbed the pain. 

You could find the key to your room in the morning. It was late, you were tired, and your eyelids felt like lead and it was a struggle to keep them open. Although you knew you looked absolutely pathetic, wearing thin shorts and a dumb tank top while sprawled out on your doorstep, you didn't give a flying fuck. For all you cared someone could step on you and you wouldn't even bat an eye. 

The latter statement was a lie. 

The door you currently were slumped against like some kind of drunk, flung open, the glaring light of a candle flooding your vision. You hissed and squinted at the bare feet before you, too lazy to even look up at the person who belonged to those feet. 

_I guess I don't know the castle as well as I thought I did..._ You thought, accepting the fact that you'd probably never make it back to your own room. Or get a glass of water. Life was just full of surprises, isn't it?

"Oh God, (F/n)! Is that you?" A very familiar and a very soft voice exclaimed, his body folding in half to roll you onto your back. 

Round green eyes framed by dark hair met with your own orbs. "Bertholdt?" 

"Oh, (F/n)." The lanky boy gasped, practically scooping you up into his arms. "You're alive." 

You winced as he squeezed you to his chest a little _too_ hard, his mussed up hair tickling your nose when your face landed into the crook of his neck. You were pleased to find that he smelled like fresh laundry and an underlying scent of something sugary instead of the acrid odor of unwashed sweat like some of the other boys had. Surprising too, since Bertholdt was notoriously sweaty. 

"I-I thought you w-were going to die." He stuttered, bringing up his large hand to caress the back of your head, smoothing down strands of your hair. "I was so afraid I-I'd never see you a-again." 

Your heart fluttered against your rib cage, your cheeks flushing a deep red. "Can't get rid of me that easily." 

You felt him smile as he pulled out of the hug, his arms still secured around you. He brushed a strand of your hair behind your ear and let out a happy sigh. A shy smile crept onto your lips, your eyes dropping down to your hands. 

"How did you e-even get here, (F/n)?" Bertholdt asked after a moment, worried for your well being. 

You shrugged. "I was trying to get back to my room I guess." 

"O-Oh," he hummed. "Your room is on the other side of the castle..." 

"Damn it." You hissed, (e/c) eyes glancing down the dark corridor with hatred. You might as well just sleep on the floor instead of somehow finding your way through the dark to your room. 

Bertholdt laughed quietly and scratched the back of his neck. "Well...do you want to maybe stay here for the night?" 

A flush crept from his neck and up to the tips of his ears as the question left his lips, already a small bead of sweat forming on his brow. Your brows furrowed at his offer. You had already inconvenienced Hanji by hogging her room while you recovered and you definitely did not want to steal away Bertholdt's bed just because you collapsed on his doorstep. 

You sucked in a breath, ready to decline his offer but the tall boy seemed to read your mind and beat you to it. 

"You're not being a burden, (F/n)." He assured you. "Stay here so you d-don't rip your stitches."

His gentle eyes pointedly glanced down to your injured side and carefully helped you onto your shaky legs. You were too exhausted to protest and allowed Bertholdt to carefully lead you into his dimly lit room.

The space was nearly empty and much cleaner than Hanji's would ever be, save for the clothes strewn out across the back of a chair and his bed and an open book on the tiny desk. The sheets on his bed were hanging off the side of the bed, the pillow haphazardly moved into a position that looked unnatural. 

Bertholdt must of noticed the tiny smirk on your lips after you witnessed the state of his room, his cheeks fading into a color of embarrassment that matched a tomato's hue. He mumbled something under his breath after shutting the door behind you, his long legs quickly carrying him over to the shirt hanging off his bed. He quickly snatched it off the sheets and flashed you a sheepish grin. 

"S-sorry about the mess." He laughed. 

You shook your head. "It's your room, Bertholdt. It can look however you want it to." 

The boy shrugged and hurried back over to your side, his hands drifting over your shoulders, lightly pushing you over to the mattress. 

"I'm not taking your bed, that's ridiculous." You growled at the nervous boy, giving him a sidelong glare. "I'll sleep on the floor."

"You're not sleeping on the floor." Bertholdt sighed, refraining from rolling his eyes. Sometimes you were too stubborn for your own good. "Y-you nearly died and I'm going to make s-sure you're alright until tomorrow morning." 

You grumbled under your breath, biting your tongue to stop the sharp words from falling out. Eventually you did as he told you and crawled onto the soft mattress that smelled like Bertholdt and still retained some of his body heat from where he slept before you woke him. 

You grumpily punched his pillow into a suitable position, careful not to strain your injury and laid down with a huff. " _You're_ not sleeping on the floor either. It's freezing down there." 

"I'll survive." Came Bertholdt's soft reply as he pulled the thick wool blanket over your bottom half. 

You met his gaze and gave him a sharp glare. "There's enough room for both of us." 

He flushed again, his eyes flitting away to stare at the floor instead of you. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, bit his lip, and sighed before meeting your gaze again. Of course he he wanted to jump right in next to you for personal reasons considering he was pretty much head over heels in love with you, but he was worried about your stitches and your own feelings. 

"C'mon, Bert." You sighed, your hand patting the empty space. 

"F-fine." 

Against better judgement he slipped in beside you, butterflies erupting inside his stomach. He inhaled and blew out the flickering candle placed on the bedside table, darkness enveloping the room. 

He could hear your gentle breathing beside him and the shuffle of the covers each time you shifted. It was nerve wracking and frankly unfair to put it simply for Bertholdt to be laying next to his crush who happened to be in his bed. _His bed!_

Minuted passed as he lied there, eyes staring up into the dark rafters, his mind racing with thoughts about you. Your breathing deepened after a few minutes, or perhaps hours-Bertholdt couldn't tell- and just as he wrapped his head around the fact you were in his bed, something that made his heart leap into his throat happened. 

Your chilly hands slipped over his arm, encasing his limb in your arms as you shuffled closer. Close enough that Bertholdt could feel the heat from your skin and the brush of your bare legs against his own. 

He gulped.

 This was going to be a long night.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suggestions?? requests??


	22. Hearts Still Beating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH IM SORRY FOR THIS CRAP. ALSO NEXT CHAPTER YOU'LL FIND OUT WHO BEAT UP FOSTER. Also do you guys like Foster? Should I keep him in the story?

The Mess Hall was dark, darker than usual. Candles were scattered here and there on the worn tables, but the warm orange glow could not expel the gloomy shadow that hovered over each and every soldier that lingered here.

Everyone spoke in hushed whispers, afraid of speaking to loudly. Talia couldn't blame them. The wounds, mental and physical, were still too fresh to pretend they never happened.

Talia clenched her arm hard enough that she surely left bruises as she glared into the scratched wood of the table.

She felt sick to her stomach yet again after glancing over to her uneaten meal. Talia couldn't stomach anything lately, not after the Expedition. Not after what happened to you and her brother.

Though, she slept easier knowing that her brother only broke his collarbone and a couple of fingers. You however were a different story.

Talia remembered finding you, soaked in blood and barely breathing when the Survey Corps returned home. She was too shocked then to react as the famed Corporal and Eren Jaeger wheeled you off to some secluded area of the castle. And that was the last Talia saw of you; half dead and drenched in your own blood.

But now, now she was reacting. Every time she tried to choke down a spoonful of stew, flashes of you and the images of grinning titans flooded her mind. Talia couldn't escape it no matter how hard she tried.

It didn't help either when she found out exactly who caused your injury.

Foster Lyndon, the preppy boy from Stohess.

Now when she heard his name or caught a glimpse of his fiery red hair and freckled face, she had to resist the urge to punch his pretty white teeth down his throat. Although, it seemed like someone else beat her to it. And she had and inkling to who did it.

The said boy currently sat alone, at the end of Talia's table, picking at his stew with his spoon, eyes trained on his food. His tongue ran over the painful looking split in his lip and sighed deeply. A deep purple bruise circled his left eye and Talia would have felt bad for him if she could forgive him for what he did to you.

The red head must of felt Talia's hateful stare and glanced up at her. His lush green eyes shone with guilty tears then looked away from her, his brows furrowing.

Talia bit her lip, tasting the coppery taste of blood, and snatched her tray from the table. She couldn't bring herself to eat it anyway and Foster sparked her growing rage.

As she passed him, she stopped behind him, acidic words forming on her tongue.

"(F/n) should of let you die."

Foster cringed and curled further into himself. Oh, he knew that long before Talia and others hissed those words to him. He himself even began to believe it.

"Im sorry." Was all he could mumble in response as the blonde stated daggers into the back of his skull.

Talia huffed and stomped away, her boots clicking loudly on the stone. She dumped her tray and the ceramic utensils into the washing bin, causing a loud clang and left the spacious room without looking back.

Foster chewed his lip and sighed. He wished Talia would forgive him.

Never had he been this isolated from others before now, all because of a mistake he had no control over. It didn't seem to matter what actually happened- his black eye was evidence enough.

Though, he'd never blame you for it. He knew he deserved it and Foster let _him_ punch him into the ground, just for your sake. And he would let it happen again if it meant you would pay even the smallest bit of attention towards him.

Foster sighed again and buried his freckled hands in his hair. Here he was thinking about forming a friendship with a girl he nearly killed and barely knew while that said girl was recovering from a wound _he_ inflicted.

"Gods, I hate myself."

***********************************************

The first thing you noticed when you woke was the near smothering heat surrounding you. You definitely were not used to waking up like this normally, and so when you tried throwing back the sheets, you were greeted with a surprise.

Your nose was buried into a certain someone's shirt. His now familiar scent of fresh laundry and hints of a sugary substance flooded your nostrils, sparking your memory of where you were.

You blushed scarlet as the boy you currently were cuddled against shifted, one of his arms wrapping under your head and throwing his other across your back to drag you coser to his chest. A quiet squeak left your lips as you tried squirming away but he only held you tighter.

A heated flush blazed through you as you felt his leg brush against your bare ones. In fact, Bertholdt's leg was directly between your shorter limbs and it took all your willpower not to scream in utter embarrassment.

The idea of punching him in the gut seemed like the best option as your emotional distress worsened. Or maybe flicking his nose?

You screamed internally and attempted to wiggle away once more.

It didn't work.

Your heart fluttered as a quiet groan reached your sensitive ears after your failed attempt of escaping.

Bertholdt shifted, his leg rubbing up closer to your inner thigh and exhaled deeply. His long fingers curled further around your back and held you even more securely before.

You balled your fists against his shirt, the cotton fabric soft against you knuckles. You inhaled and breathed in, calming a few of your frayed nerves.

It wasn't like you hated this, you realized. It was just the taboo of it.

If Raven and Anthony saw you now...

You shuddered and subconsciously pressed your head against Bertholdt's sternum, the warmth of his skin seeping through the fabric of his thin shirt. If you listened closely enough you could hear his heartbeat and a strange calm came over you.

You felt...safe. Yes, that was the word. Safe and blocked out from a cruel world.

And you weren't willing to escape from Bertholdt's embrace now. Although it was a bit too hot for your liking, you settled down anyways and relaxed further into the semi-hard mattress.

You dozed off after calming your racing heart, breathing in Bertholdt's soothing scent and relishing in the sleepy bliss until another soft sound fell from the brunette's lips.

"(F/n)...?"

At first you thought you imagined it, but then he moved and lifted his arm to brush his fingers against your cheek. You shivered and opened a sleepy eye.

His brilliant green eyes slightly squinted as he gazed at you, his brown hair disheveled on one side of his head. His fingers brushed away one of your stray hairs, forcing a blush to bloom over your cheeks.

"H-hello."

A ghost of a smile formed on his lips as his own blush formed. "Hi."

You shyly glanced away and clenched his shirt between your fingers. His fingers still toyed with a strand of your hair, sending pleasurable shivers down your spine. Your breath hitched when he began playing with a bigger lock of hair, his nails brushing your scalp. You hoped he didn't notice the slight change of your breathing.

"(F/n)." He repeated, slipping his hand from your hair so his palm could cradle your jaw.

The redness in your cheeks worsened as you met his eyes again. Gazing at his tan face, you noticed the flecks of gold hidden behind the lush green of his iris. Light and nearly invisible freckles dotted his cheeks and his nose, tempting you to run a finger across them. You had half a mind to but didn't in fear of embarrassing yourself.

It seemed like he shared the same though and slipped his hand away from your jaw so he could gently pry your hand from his shirt and place it on the warm skin of his neck. Your heart skipped a beat when he returned his hand to its previous spot, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on your jaw.

Some type of invisible force, like a magnet, slowly pulled your heads closed together. So close that you felt Bertholdt's warm breath fan across your slightly parted mouth.

He mumbled your name, his soft lips just brushing yours. You whispered his name back and felt his mouth twitch as a tiny grin formed.

Your eyes fluttered shut as Bertholdt moved closer, expecting a warm pressure upon your lips. But for whatever reason, the world decided to punish you once again in the form of loud, jarring knocks on Bertholdt's door.

Startled, Bertholdt jolted, nearly falling off the bed and almost taking you down with him. Bertholdt flashed you an awkward smile, a red hue consuming his face. He threw back the covers and left you on the bed, stumbling over to the door.

"Bert, I know you're in there," the all too familiar voice of Reiner Braun chided. "We have drills in an hour and I'm starving."

Bertholdt ripped open the door, careful to leave it in a spot where you were invisible to Reiner. "I'll be o-out in a second, Reiner."

You heard the blond chuckle at Bertholdt's appearance, his thick finger poking at his friend's pijamas.

"You didn't set an alarm today?"

"N-no," Bertholdt responded, rubbing the back of his neck, "I forgot."

You tensed as Reiner huffed in suspicion. It was one thing nearly kissing Bertholdt in privacy, but someone like Reiner finding you here in Bertholdt's bed, was bound to raise questions. Of course you wanted to see the brawny blond, but not like this, not when you knew you shouldn't of been in someone else's bed.

"Right," Reiner said, seemingly brushing off his suspicions. "Hurry up then. I don't want Sasha to eat my breakfast."

You fought the urge to giggle and bit your bottom lip to suppress it. Bertholdt snorted in response to Reiner and shut the door, sighing loudly once he closed it.

The tall brunette glanced at you and looked at his toes. "Er, d-do you want me to bring you something? Y-you look half starved..."

You stomach answered in a loud rumble at the mention of food. You certainly had no idea how long you were unconscious for and the mere thought of the stale bread served here had your mouth watering.

"If it's not to much to ask..." you said.

Bertholdt waved away your concerns, abruptly remembering his blond friend outside his door, waiting patiently for him to dress. He tripped over to his drawers, momentarily forgetting you were there, and yanked his shirt over his head so he could grab a fresh one.

You blushed as your eyes scanned over his back, the muscles there moving smoothly and beautifully as he pulled down his blue shirt. The tall boy dashed over to the white pair of pants on the desk chair and pulled them on, quickly starting on the complicated straps and buckles of the maneuvering harness. Bertholdt, after muttering under his breath a few times when the difficult straps wouldn't work the way he wanted them to, finally finished and pulled on his knee-high boots.

"I'll be back soon, okay?" He promised, looking over his shoulder as his fingers brushed the door handle. "J-just, uh, just stay here."

Immediately after he opened the door, a question that made your blood run cold was asked.

"Who're ya talking to Bert?"

"No one," Bertholdt mumbled, trying to shut the door before Reiner could peer through it.

"Ahuh," Reiner snorted, "is it someone I know?"

"No one is in t-there, Reiner." Bertholdt insisted, smacking the blond's hand away from the brass doorknob.

"Yeah right. If someone wasn't in there, then you wouldn't be acting like a weirdo."

You cursed Reiner's ability to see through his friend. This was going south real quick and you had no place to hide. You bit your lip when Bertholdt yelped in pain as Reiner's elbow connected with his ribs. The taller boy swore as Reiner wrestled him away far enough to wrench open the door and barrel in.

Your limbs froze as Reiner's golden brown eyes met yours. His mouth parted in shock as he did a double take.

"(F/n)?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suggestions? Requests?????????


	23. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO BAD OMG IM SORRY. Also im gonna elaborate more on foster's deal btw

There are a lot of surprises in life, like maybe a friend showing up with a cake on your birthday or maybe your mother getting you a new sweater; but some surprises were hard to comprehend and in this instance, Reiner wasn't sure he believed what his eyes saw.

It was like seeing a ghost. A gaunt, poorly dressed, but beautiful nonetheless sort of ghost.

"H-hi Reiner..."

The blond nearly fainted as a sudden rush of emotions crashed into him. Relief made up the majority of them but there was also love, confusion, and of course the obvious jealousy of seeing you in his best friend's room.

Reiner gaped and whipped around to share his look of disbelief with his friend. Bertholdt gave him a smile, though it looked more like a grimace as he scratched the back of his neck.

Hundreds of questions popped up inside Reiner's head but all he could muster was a simple;

"What the fuck?"

"R-Reiner, I'll explain in a s-second," Bertholdt rushed out, a furious blush painted on his cheeks. "J-just close the door."

Reiner slammed it shut and ran a hand through his shortly cropped hair. Too many questions without answers crashed against his skull like a tidal wave and he wished for a mere second that he was more simple minded like Connie so the questions would cease from parading around like a carousel.

"I thought..." the words caught in Reiner's throat. "I thought you were going to die..."

Your eyebrows creased ever so slightly as you glanced away and picked at the hem of your shirt. You brushed back a piece of hair behind your ear and sighed.

"I think I should be."

Reiner felt his heart crack.

He couldn't bear it any longer and took one long stride over to your side and swept you up in a hug, careful not to squeeze too tight. You tensed in his arms but didn't pull away as Reiner held you, his heart pounding beneath your fingertips that were splayed over his chest.

He smelled a little bit like the leather straps that crisscrossed his body and the faint smell that reminded you of cedar wood. It made you feel self conscious about your own smell knowing you hadn't taken a shower in at least a few days.

Though, Reiner didn't seem to care.

"(F/n)..," he breathed in your ear. "Thank the gods your alive."

A pang of guilt shot through you as Marlo Mines and Codi Demarco's deaths replayed inside your head. You should of died with them...

Then you thought about Warren...his alabaster colored hair...and...and Thomas..Were they dead too?

You swallowed thickly and fought back the sting behind your eyes. Your lip quivered as more memories of that terrible day resurfaced and before you knew it, you were sobbing.

The salty tears burned your eyes and dribbled scalding paths down your cheeks. You buried your face into Reiner's shirt, uncaring of his obvious surprise.

Your lungs heaved and your body shook with your forceful cries as the painful memories crushed you. You couldn't stop it even though you knew the tears were irrational...but it _hurt_. Gods it _hurt._

It was your fault that Marlo died and your fault that Warren was probably dead. Your fault that Thomas was most likely strewn on the grass in bloody pieces. All you fault. All of it.

"I-Im s-sorry," you wailed, your voice muffled by Reiner's shirt, now soaked with tears.

Reiner turned his head to give Bertholdt a questioning look. Bertholdt was equally confused at the sudden outburst, but somehow he understood. The two boys had no idea what happened inside that forest where the Corporal had found you, but they knew how bad it must have been.

Bertholdt shuffled over to the bed with a frown etched on his mouth. He perched himself on your free side and placed a hand on your shoulder, the only place that was left for him to touch since Reiner nearly engulfed your whole body.

"I l-let them die." You cried, gripping tighter onto Reiner's shirt. "I-"

"(F/n), stop." Reiner commanded softly. "What happened happened, you can't change it now."

You squeezed your eyes shut and sniffed. He was right in a sense, but you could have stopped Marlo's death and Codi's if you weren't so pathetic. Or...Warren's...

_Oh gods,_ you thought in despair. _Talia is going to hate me._

If she weren't dead either, that is.

The thought sparked a new wave of stinging tears, though less violent than the ones previously shed. You heaved in a breath that pained your injury and tried to regain some sort of dignity you still owned.

Reiner gently smoothed out your hair and pulled back to look at your face, now puffy and red. You refused to meet his eyes. "I finally get to see you and this is how it goes?"

A tiny, broken laugh fell out of you that made Reiner's heart swell. You sniffed and rubbed your eyes, hoping no more tears would fall.

"Sorry," you hiccuped, glancing down at your hands. "I-I don't know-"

"It's ok, (F/n)," Bertholdt reassured, moving his hand down to his lap. "We understand, you don't have to explain."

You nodded and sniffed, not convinced in the slightest but wanting to change the subject. "Don't you have to go soon?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't matter." Reiner huffed, crossing his burly arms. "When's the last time you've eaten, Sunshine? You look like a ghost."

You shrugged and opened your mouth to reply but Bertholdt beat you to it.

"Not for a few days, I-I was going to g-go get her something b-but you came in." The tall boy said, slipping off the bed to hover by the door.

Reiner hopped off the bed as well, his heat still lingering on your body. You half wished he stayed and continued to hug you but the other half wanted him gone. You were wallowing in self loathing and embarrassment from your outburst and the wet patch on Reiner's shirt reminded you of that.

"Gotcha'," Reiner hummed. "We'll smuggle you something."

The blond flashed you a toothy smile that nearly raised your spirits then sent you a flirtatious wink a moment after. He then pried open the door and slipped out, his heavy footsteps disappearing down the stone hallway.

Bertholdt then turned and gave you an awkward smile that you couldn't help but return. "We'll be back soon, s-stay here ok?"

"Wait, Bertholdt," you called. "D-Don't tell anyone I'm here ok?"

His green eyes studied you for a moment before he nodded. "Ok."

**********************************************************************************************************************************************

Erwin flipped through what seemed like thousands of files belonging to the dead soldiers who gave him their lives. Faces he knew, faces he didn't, they all blurred together.

_At least none of them are (F/n),_ he sighed to himself. That was the only thing he reminded himself once the grief of failure creeped on the edges of his mind.

He wondered how you were, if you'd woken up yet. Maybe he would visit you after he finished stamping addresses on the Notifications of Death or the MIA's.

"She isn't one of them, right?"

Erwin nearly flew out of his seat. He forgot Levi was here, lounging on the leather couch like he owned it. His sudden words nearly gave him a heart attack.

"No," the Commander responded, heart still racing. "She's not."

Erwin wasn't sure but it sounded like the Corporal breathed out a sigh of relief. "Hm."

"Have you seen her yet?" Erwin said, pausing his endless paperwork to peer at the irate man.

"Not since that day," he snorted, picking a piece of invisible dirt off his uniform pants. "The brat doesn't need people hovering over her."

Erwin shrugged and set his pen down. "Do you want to see her?"

Levi's dark brow quirked ever so slightly. Erwin grimaced at the flash of excitement in those sharp eyes of his. Erwin realized the moment he said it he shouldn't have offered.

If Hanji was right, then Erwin was currently competing with Levi for your affections. Though Erwin wasn't sure if Levi had come to terms with his feelings yet, so there was still a good chance for the blond to win you over first.

Levi shrugged. "Why not, I've got nothing better to do."

_Damnit._

The two men then made their way down to Hanji's quarters in stiff silence. Neither of them wanted to mention the tension that was thicker than a titan's nape, but it was there and not going away anytime soon.

The walk took longer than usual in Erwin's opinion but the uncomfortable silence was worth it if he got the chance to see you again.

What they weren't expecting was the loud wail coming from inside the room. Levi and Erwin shared a look and hurriedly pushed open the door preparing for the worst.

Hanji was half sprawled over her bed, her hair a mess and her glasses askew.

"She's gone! Gone!" She cried, slumping onto the floor.

"Hanji?"

"What the fuck Shitty Glasses."

The woman cast her brown eyes over to the two and groaned in despair. "(F/n) was right here! Now she's gone!"

Indeed you were gone. Not a trace.

"You fucking lost her?" Levi hissed, stepping into her room with mild disgust. "How?"

"I don't know!" Hanji sobbed, still on the floor.

Erwin clenched his jaw and glanced around her messy room, just to check himself before believing Hanji. A tendril of mild unease wrapped around Erwin's stomach as the woman before him babbled on to Levi who looked just about ready to slap her silly.

You couldn't have gone far, Erwin thought. You weren't exactly in the best shape and the halls in the castle were confusing in the dark.

"Why does she always get lost?" Hanji cried, throwing her whole self onto the cold tiles. "Why can't (F/n) ever stay in one place?"

Erwin and Levi both wondered the same thing.

"Once I find her, I'm nailing her ass to the wall," Levi muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation.

Erwin couldn't agree more.

*********************************************************************************************************************************************

"Wha'd ya think those two are up to, Warren?" Talia hummed, pointing her spoon at the pair of boys stuffing bread into their coats.

Warren lazily glanced over his shoulder, mindful of jarring his broken collarbone. He shrugged his good shoulder and shoveled another spoonful of soup into his mouth.

"I wouldn't know."

Talia rolled her eyes and continued to stare at Bertholdt and Reiner who nervously looked around. Bertholdt was sweating more than usual and couldn't stand still while Reiner just looked downright guilty.

They were up to something and Talia wasn't sure if she should be concerned or pass it off as something not worth her time. Though once Bertholdt met her suspicious glare and whispered something to the beefy blond, Talia's curiosity increased tenfold.

"Don't do it," Warren warned, raising an eyebrow. "Leave it."

Talia stuck out her tongue and flicked a piece of stale bread at him. "I do what I want, Fish Face."

Warren rolled his eyes and glanced at the two boys who hurriedly made their way to the door. "Then you better follow them before they leave."

Talia swore and jumped out of her seat and trotted after them, unaware of the Commander and the Corporal who slipped up behind her.

"Natalia Reece," Erwin called.

Talia seized at the full use of her name and the familiar commanding voice. She spun around and gave her Commander and the Corporal by his side a perfect salute. "Yes Sir."

She cursed internally as the two boys she wanted to spy on rounded a corner and disappeared from sight. Why did this have to happen now?

"At ease," Erwin sighed, stepping closer.

Talia nodded and relaxed only slightly. "What can I help you with?"

The Corporal snorted at her words and crossed his arms. "You're friends with (F/n), right, brat?"

"Yes..." Talia responded, ignoring the jab from the dark haired man.

The Commander glanced down at Levi and then extended his arm towards a less crowded hallway. "May we have a word with you?"

Talia instantly conjured up the worst possible scenarios. You were dead, that was the only reason the Commander himself and the infamous Levi Ackerman was talking to her.

Talia didn't even get to say goodbye...

She bit her lip and forced away the sharp prick of oncoming tears and nodded, turning on her heel stiffly.

The three of them rounded the corner and as surprising as a firework set off in the middle of the day, Talia was immediately assaulted by the short Corporal. The blonde gasped as his forearm pinned her chest against the wall and held her there with ease despite the height difference.

"Where the _Hell_ is (F/n)," he hissed, his elbow digging into her.

Talia panicked and for the first time in her life she was lost for words. She couldn't breath for fear of angering him. Not after what happened to Foster when they returned. It was terrifying witnessing her brother's squad mate get pummeled to the ground until someone had to pull the Corporal off of Foster. Sure, it might of been the appropriate response in the moment, but now that she thought about it, Talia never wanted to be on the receiving end of his anger, regardless of whatever she did.

Talia sent a pleading look to Erwin but he wasn't fazed by the sudden violence.

"I asked you a question, brat," Levi seethed, pushing his weight further on Talia.

"I-I don't know!" She sputtered, attempting to wrestle out of the Corporal's grip. "I haven't seen her since the day of the Expedition!"

Levi shifted his hard stare to Erwin who grimaced and nodded. Levi rolled his steely gray orbs and took a step back, releasing Talia. The blonde stumbled but regained her balance quickly, though still spooked.

"Wha-," Talia wheezed, nervously meeting Erwin's normally gentle blue eyes.

"(F/n) is missing," he said, "I'm sorry about what happened just now, but we had to make sure you wouldn't lie."

Pure joy and relief washed over Talia. You were alive, and if you were missing that meant you were awake and ok. Talia couldn't help but smile.

"Tch, why are you smiling." Levi growled, sneering in her direction.

Talia ignored him and instead gazed up to the Commander. "She's alive then?"

"That's what we believe."

Talia's grin widened. She had to tell Warren and Thom-

Her grin faltered.

_He_ didn't deserve to know if you were ok after what he said to Talia. For all she cared Thomas could find out on his own or not at all if what he said was true.

"Are you listening, brat?" The harsh words of Levi cut through her thoughts.

She gave him a blank stare.

"Help us find her," he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Do have any idea where she could have gone?" The Commander asked, his eyes sparking with faint hope.

The image of Reiner and Bertholdt stuffing bread into their pockets resurfaced and Talia wondered if they had anything to do with you.

It was worth a shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUGGESTIONS? COMMENTS? REQUESTS??


	24. Dead Weight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT HI GUYS

"Are you sure no one noticed?" You asked, nibbling on the last piece of your bread. "I don't want you guys to get in trouble because of me..."

Both of the boys shrugged and rushed to wave away your worries. They didn't mind, even if there was a possibility of getting in trouble.

"Don't worry about it, Sunshine," Reiner laughed, swinging an arm around your shoulders. "You're worth it."

Bertholdt nodded in agreement, "yeah, (F/n). Don't worry."

You nodded, heat rising to your cheeks. This kind of attention was definitely knew to you—being dotted on and such. It made your chest feel tight and your heart stutter.

Clearing your throat, you tried ridding your head with those thoughts. It wouldn't do you any good overthinking those kind of things. Instead, you asked a question that had been pressing on your mind since waking up.

"Er, did Tho—did anyone I know die?" You stopped yourself before saying Thomas. You weren't sure you could even say his name at the moment without wanting to burst out of this room and find him.

"No, I don't think so," Bertholdt responded. "The Reece t-twins are alive and Thomas is alright."

You nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. At least they were ok. Though it felt selfish thinking that. So many lives were lost and you were afraid of loosing your friends—it was ridiculous. These people here were fighting a war for their lives and you were worried about friends—friends for fuck's sake!

"Hey, don't look so glum," Reiner hummed, one of thick fingers playfully poking your cheek. "Everyone is fine. We're just worried about you."

"Yeah," Bertholdt added. "No one knew what exactly happened except for Eren and the Corporal and Eren won't tell us. He-he hasn't really said much s-since then..."

You frowned and stared at your bread. Eren didn't deserve the stress or the pain you caused. The brunet had enough on his plate.

"Oh," you murmured.

A long silence followed. You weren't sure what to say and the two boys seemed to have a silent conversation of their own, probably regarding you. You were sort of taking over Bertholdt's room...

"Hey," Bertholdt finally said, slicing through the silence. "I-I don't want (F/n) to go or anything, bu-but you have to leave eventually and me and R-Reiner aren't exactly medical experts..."

"What the fuck Bert," Reiner groaned. "We can't just show up at the Commander's office with her. He'd think we kidnapped her!"

You and Bertholdt sighed in tandem.

"Maybe I could go alone?" You suggested.

"No!" They both cried.

You flinched and rolled your eyes, "fine."

You crossed your arms over your chest and pouted. This shouldn't have been complicated, yet the boys who began to argue decided it had to be.

"What? That's stupid!"

"N-no, it's a good idea!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No! This—"

Three heavy knocks rung through the air. The three of you froze, both Bertholdt's and Reiner's sentences dying upon their tongues.

"Bertholdt Fubar and Reiner Braun," the unmistakable voice of Erwin Smith announced. Normally his rich tones made your heart flutter, but now it made the blood in your veins run cold.

The two boys and you shared a panicked look.

"Open the fucking door, shitty brats."

Oh no....

Bertholdt glanced back at you, his green eyes finding yours. He mouthed an apology and reached for the doorknob.

"Ye-yes, sir," the tall boy greeted, pulling open the door ever so slowly, beads of sweat already forming on the nape of his neck. "Commander Erwin, Corporal L-Levi..."

A large hand that could have only belonged to the Commander forced the door the rest of the way open, his blue irises intent on finding that familiar face.

And there you were, perched on Bertholdt's bed with a frown etched on your lips.

"(F/n)!"

Talia weaseled around the Commander, a smile bigger than a titan's grin etched on her lips as she vaulted onto the bed. You grunted in mild pain and surprise as her lanky arms threw themselves around your neck, but you could withstand a little more pain for this.

Pure glee filled you as you gripped the back of her shirt, a smile of your own tugging at the corners of your mouth. She was alive. One of your closest friends was alive and she was here, holding you so close to her body you could smell the light traces of vanilla on her person. You didn't think a hug like this would be anything special, but, hell, it meant the world right then.

"I knew they were hiding something! I just knew it!" Talia whispered, giving you once last squeeze before pulling away.

Her warm hands then gripped your cheeks as she searched for any injury besides the one on your side, lingering on anything ranging from a bruise to a thin scratch. You wanted to wave away her concerns but she was insistent and you weren't about to fight her off. You didn't have the strength for that.

Suddenly, the honeyed hues of her eyes hardened into tempered steel as she glared over her shoulder. You weren't unnerved easily, but Talia's stormy look made the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. Especially when it was directed toward a certain pair of boys...

"Permission to speak freely, Commander?" Talia all but growled, pulling herself off the bed to face them head on before the Corporal and Commander could drag them off.

The Commander, gave her an odd look but nodded, powerful arms crossing over his chest.

"What the hell were you thinking?! (F/n) nearly died and you fucking kidnapped her? Look at her! She's—"

"Talia."

You soft call of her name silenced her and drew every eye to you. "They didn't kidnap me. I left myself."

Still fuming but gaze softening when she met your eye, she sighed, clenched her fist and bit the inside of her cheek. "(F/n) you don't need to cover for your friends."

She all but spat out the last word, unnecessarily venomous and very unlike her to use that tone of voice with you. You flinched and tucked your arms around your waist and lowered your eyes.

"I'm not lying..." You mumbled, shifting under the light cotton sheets. "I just—"

"It hardly matters what happened," the Commander cut in, his brows twitching in mild worry for the way you flinched from the words thrown at you by your friend. "What matters is that (F/n) is safe and that these two proved to be competent enough not to kill her."

"Tch. She looks worse," Levi muttered, blocking the door.

Bertholdt and Reiner winced and ashamedly glanced away. That wasn't fair—they hadn't done anything. You were the one that showed up at Bertholdt's room. If anything, you should be taking the heat right now, not them.

Beyond irritated, you opened your mouth, sharp words ready to spill, but Levi beat you to it.

"Whatever. What's done is done, but I'll make sure these fucking brats get punished."

Bertholdt flinched and Reiner scowled as the Corporal stepped aside and let them through. With a flourish and a biting insult, he followed them out and slammed the door shut behind him.

You winced at the loud sound and swallowed, taking a fleeting look up at Erwin who sighed and shook his head.

"Sir?" Talia spoke. "(F/n) can stay with me. I can keep her out of trouble."

Erwin's gentle blue eyes drifted to the two of you and chuckled, "thank you, Natalia. I think (F/n) will be placed in my room for the time being. There's more space and Hanji stays a couple of doors down the hall."

Talia nodded, a bit dejected by his answer but settled for it. The blonde sighed and slipped off the bed and gave your hand a firm squeeze and a gentle smile. You struggled not to yank your hand away, still a little wary after her previous words.

"I'm here if you need anything, alright?"

You nodded stiffly and watched her leave after she saluted the Commander.

Chewing your lip, you picked at the calluses on your palms, waiting for Erwin to say anything. Would he yell at you? Kick you out for this? Kick Reiner and Bertholdt out of the Corps?

Your stomach churned at the idea.

"They won't be dismissed from the Survey Corps nor will they be heavily reprimanded, if that's what you're worried about," Erwin hummed. "Though, I do have a few questions, (F/n)."

"Ca-Can it wait?" You asked, meeting his eye. "I, uh, don't feel very good..."

Realization dawned on his handsome features as he nodded. "Of course. You must be starving. I'll have something made for you immediately and you can rest. There's no need to answer anything at the moment."

You blushed and gave him a tiny smile, making a move to slide off the bed. Yet as you shifted, the sharp pain and dull throbbing ripped through you. You let out a strangled cry and fell back against the wall, hands pressing over the bandage wrapped around your middle.

Erwin jumped to your side, his eyes wider than dinner plates. "Don't strain yourself, (F/n). I'll help you."

"I don't need help," you hissed, shoeing away his outstretched hand. "I'm fine."

Before you could make another attempt to move, the blond reached over and grabbed both your arms. His grip was firm enough to hold you down but not enough to hurt and you wondered how such a big man like him was so gentle.

You wiggled a bit in his grasp but a stressed sound of your name stopped you. You glared up at him and huffed.

"(F/n), listen to me," Erwin said, not deterred in the slightest by your death stare. "You are one of the most capable people I have ever met. I know you're strong and devastatingly stubborn, but I cannot let you walk out on your own. There is a chance you could rip your stitches and I need you to let me help you. Just this once."

You eyed him and clenched your jaw. You couldn't accept that.

"Please," he begged softly. "Just once."

Your teeth dug into the soft flesh of your bottom lip. Fine, you though bitterly, just this once. You supposed you could survive for a short while with Erwin acting as a crutch.

You gave him a stiff nod and watched the tension leave the Commander in a quiet sigh.

"Thank you," he said. "I promise this won't happen again."

You shrugged and let him slip an arm under your knees and another under your arms as if you were a child. You winced as your sore body was lifted off the bed, but reasoned that this was better than doing it yourself.

Once you left Bertholdt's room you rested your head over his sternum and thumbed the button on his white shirt. He smelled nice—a bit like  ink and something musky, like damp ceder wood and spice.

"We're almost there," he murmured, words vibrating through his frame.

You nodded, soaking up his scent while one ear listened to his heartbeat. You always liked listening to heartbeats—it gave you temporary peace when you had lived beyond the walls.

Lark liked it too—he would always let you listen to his soft heartbeat through his skinny diaphragm when days were rougher than normal.

You swallowed and sighed, shoving thoughts of Lark away. You couldn't think about him right now—you didn't have the energy and the sight of Erwin shoving open his door made you yearn for the soft leather couch pushed up against the wall.

Erwin set you down as gently as he could, propping your head against the plush armrest. The Commander then turned on his heel, cape flourishing as he disappeared into his bedroom and pulled off one of the blankets from his bed. You weren't even aware that you were somewhat cold until he draped the thick fabric over your body, immediately warming you up.

"I'll bring you something to eat soon, I promise," he said, taking a knee on the hard floor to meet your eye. "No more adventures, alright?"

Your lips twitched into a smile, "that food better be good or else there's no deal."

Erwin's irises sparkled as his face lifted into a rare grin, solely for you. The sight alone sent a heated flush through your body and stained your cheeks.

"I won't take long."

The Commanded stood and before he could leave, your hand shot out and griped his fingers. He gave you a questioning look and inclined his head in a curious manner.

"I...," you struggled, glancing away. You didn't want to admit you needed help, but you half felt as though Erwin deserved a thank you. He was a busy man—too busy and he went out of his way to find you and even offered up his room. And you—you've just done nothing but argue and make things difficult.

"I just," you started again. "I—thank you."

Erwin paused, thick brows twitching in surprise. He was quick to respond after the initial surprise, and knelt down once again, reaching for your smaller hand. He held it gently between his large fingers as Erwin's thumb rubbed tiny circles just above your knuckles, causing a million and one butterflies to erupt inside your stomach.

"There's no need to thank me," he said quietly. "I wan't to help you."

You refrained from snorting in disbelief. No one helped anyone for free. At least, not where you came from. But still, why would people offer their help for nothing in return here? It didn’t make any sense.

“Get some rest,” the Commander hummed.

About to nod in agreement, you froze when Erwin brushed back a strand of your hair and leaned forward. Your breath caught in your throat as your mind blanked. Yet, instead of placing his lips on yours like you thought, he placed a gentle peck on your cheek and then hurriedly escaped the room as if your skin burned him.

A furious blush consumed you as you buried your head into your hands, too busy replaying the kiss over and over to notice he had locked the door behind him. Your skin tingled where his lips were and you briefly wondered if he would kiss you again.

You groaned and threw your head back, glaring up at the ceiling. Feelings suck...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suggestions or anythin’?


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